Subtracting to Add

Leave a comment

I recently watched an interview Trevor Noah, the former host of the Daily Show, did with Oprah. He asked her after having spoken with so many leaders in fields spanning all areas of interest and society what contributes most effectively to a person’s success. Oprah’s response was simple, “Everything – every choice and movement you make needs to be aligned with your purpose.” 

When you know your purpose you can direct your course towards making that path the one you choose to follow. Distractons delay, detour, or completely knock us off course. When you decide what it is that you want to do in this life and in the world – every step and decision you make should be in pursuit of that higher goal. Your energy, be it at rest or in motion, needs to be focused on that goal. 

To me it seemed much like writing a novel. Every line needs to have a role. Every word written must be necessary and relevant. Superfluous language or details only distract from your message. The purpose is the clarity of your story. If any line, paragraph, or sentence is not in service to telling your story, delete it. Every word must reveal more about your characters, provide your reader with necessary and relevant information, or it needs to be removed. Anything extra is distracting from that message. As an author this makes sense to me. It creates a solid ground and structure that I can follow. I am on a path and as I make my way towards my goal I only stay on the path that leads to better telling of this story. 

According to Oprah, this works in life as well. When you focus on your goal nothing should distract you. I have found that my heart knows what it wants it prioritizes that path anyway. The things I don’t want to do are so difficult for me to force myself to complete. There is mental and sometimes physical resistance to the things that do not serve my true purpose. It’s difficult and draining when I’m doing things that are not in service to my goal. 

I would encourage you to look at the things you are doing. What tasks feel like a breeze and you could do them all day? What projects or tasks feel like an absolute slog?

Keep a list beside you as you go through a regular day. Draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left side list the items that feel like a dream and delight you. On the other side of the line write down the tasks you completed but didn’t enjoy at all. Some things are necessary evils, we have to wash the dishes if we want to eat off of clean plates tomorrow. There are also some tasks that we do simply because we feel obligated. What terrible duties do you feel exhausted by? They are taking too much time and energy. Is it possible to delegate these tasks or remove them from your chore list entirely? Are they necessary? 

As you subtract those tasks that are not aligned with your true purpose and higher power you may find that not only are you happier but you are also free to pursue more of the good things that bring you joy and align with who you are. It may mean subtracting relationships, tasks, etc. But as you make room in your life for joy, purpose, and your dreams, life becomes a lot richer and more fulfilling. You are create space for those events, people, and projects that deeply nourish you and fuel your pursuit of your goals rather than distracting you from them. 

Patterns of Joy

Leave a comment

There are events happening all day in all of our lives. The majority of those moments will be completely forgotten and lost to our memories. The moments we highlight and the patterns we recognize become the story of our day. Depending on our mood, the weather, and a million other small things we can choose to label our day as good one or bad. The day can be either, or some variation in between, depending on our perspective. If we look for the good things and the joy in our days we are more likely to highlight those patterns and consider the day a good one. What we look for is what we will find which is why I want to look for patterns of joy.


Therefore, in order to help us all practice looking for the good in our days I have an idea. This is something new – I haven’t even tried this yet but I’m excited to test it out. Every day this week I am going to  take a picture of the best part of my day. I am going to do that for two reasons. First, because it immediately has my mind on the look out for good things. Secondly, it keeps me wondering, engaged, and present. I am not looking for the day to fall apart. I am looking for more and more goodness and opportunities to create more joy in my daily life. 

The act of looking for joy primes the pump and has me already shifting my focus towards looking for the good. This practice may even turn into a running collection or album of these photos. It may result in a variety of joyful images – laughing with friends, a beautiful scene out the window, the dog cuddled on my lap. Not every day is a vacation photo image but there are beautiful moments that make up our lives. A quick photo reminds us to look for joy first. And on days when we’re feeling down or disheartened it’s a lot easier to scroll through happy photos than it is to try to remember all the good things off the cuff.

The simple act of focusing on and amplifying the joy in our lives helps us appreciate what we have already. To our brains, life is made up of patterns. But we get to choose what patterns to seek. Let’s look for patterns of joy, laughter, friendship, fun, and see how our perspectives and our lives shift. 

Be Fully Present

2 Comments

We talk about doing the next right thing but we don’t talk about how that feels in our bodies. When I’m rushing I get this sense of urgency like time is spilling through my fingers like grains of sand at the beach. It feels as if the only thing I can do is fight to cling more tightly to the sand I’m holding. We all know that analogy, the tighter we clench our fists the faster the sand runs through our fingers. Whereas, if we relax our hands and allow them to remain open the sand settles. We may loose a few grains but we hold onto much more than if we closed our hands. It seems only fitting that to do our personal next right thing we need to stop gripping everything so tightly. 

Let things go and let other people help. Trust that your support network – friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers – will step in to provide the help you need. Focus on what you can do right now. What is one small thing you can do really well? As Abraham Martha Beck is credited with first saying, “How we do one thing is how we do everything.” Rather than pushing ourselves to do many things poorly, take a deep breath. What next task feels most important to you?

Don’t worry about everything else. Just be attentive to that one next task and trust yourself. Give that task your full attention. Being embodied in the moment and focused on only one thing allows us to give our full attention to the task. It allows us to deliver our best performance. No matter how small the task, doing it well breeds satisfaction. That feeling is all we need. Because the only moment that actually exists is the present moment. And the only task we can do really well is the one that we are doing presently. With that in mind, breathe, reflect, and choose. 

I wish you peace, serenity, and satisfaction in whatever comes next for you.

Limited Time + Attention

2 Comments

I’m usually one of those people who mulls things over. I hold on until the event has past, the email is outdated, or I have to make a collection of quick decisions. The intention is there to read it all, participate in every event and opportunity. I am all in for kayaking, book clubs, and retreats. Sign me up! Except when I’m not into it, which as someone who is primarily introverted and really likes her alone time and personal space, is much more frequent than my joiner inclinations are willing to accept. When I do join an event it takes me a significant amount of time before I’m ready to dive back into the social scene. And while I don’t attend everything I’m invited to participate in – I still want the right of first refusal. Include me – yes! Depend on my presence – no thank you.

I’m reading a book about the brevity of life. It talks about all of our inclinations and machinations to “Save time.” The, “time savers,” and “quick tricks,” to empty your inbox or create space in your day. It turns out a lot of these ‘solutions,’ fail because when you send an email you increase your likelihood of getting more emails in return. You have not cleared your inbox after all. You’ve just heightened the expectation for the rapidity of your responses.

Typically, when we free up time in our days by using the washing machine, the dryer, etc. we don’t get that time back and use it for our own goals. Instead we pop over to Pinterest or open Architectural Digest and determine that now it’s time to remodel. We heighten the expectation for what cleanliness, order, and tidiness look like. Now, it’s not ok to simply have a spice rack – we must take every item out of its original packaging and place it in our own personalized containers that we label ourselves so as to match the professional organizer’s images on social media. 

We don’t get that time back and that’s the big takeaway for me. If we keep pressing ourselves to be more productive, to hustle, or accomplish we’re never going to be satiated. Because there’s always more stuff to purchase, events to join, or opportunities to get involved. What it comes down to is hard choices. Do we want to travel the hour to family dinner on Sunday or would we like to mow the lawn? Do we do neither, either, all? That’s up to us. The most important detail is to look inward and determine what we really want. What do I need most? Do I crave the connection with family? Do I have guests coming over and part of what makes me feel comfortable is my lawn looking well cared for? These are hard choices and we can make them. Or put them off until the opportunity has passed. Either way, we’ve made a choice.

Instead let’s focus on what we want and need most in life. Stop trying to control our time. Simply follow the ebbs and flows. If we have thank you notes to write, sit down and write them rather than staring at emails all afternoon willing them to disappear. Even the concept of using time wisely is a modern invention. Time is not meant to be used. We don’t have a set number of years – some of us may be lucky enough to get more than 100, others might not make it out of their twenties. So please, do what brings you joy. Do the things that set your heart on fire. We can’t possibly attend every event or please every person – we can only please ourselves. Do the stuff that fills your cup, if you sprinkle in something else remember that it is bonus. And be fully present for the good things that you choose to do. If it is mowing the lawn – enjoy the long walk outside. And if you can take in the sunset.

What We Resist Persists

Leave a comment

Psychologist and researcher Carl Jung believed that what we resist persists – or in his exact words, “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” When we resist a certain idea or situation it is because we are identifying too strongly with it. When we resist we give more attention to that concept. Our focus creates perceived power for whatever force or event we are experiencing. The reality is that we are only observers of this situation or event. To release ourselves from these feelings we need to realize that we do not have control, none of us does. And isn’t that infuriating?

The illusion of control infiltrates our daily lives. Because of our routines we experience alleged predictability. We presume because we always take this route or follow this pattern the results will be the same. Often we are able to seemingly predict the future simply because we are nestled into a comfortable routine. However, as any dramatic event can quickly show us, the way the day progresses is not promised. We can know the routine intimately and still be surprised when an accident on the highway makes us late or someone pivotal to our lives passes away unexpectedly leaving our entire reality upended. 

The goal is not only to embrace change but rather let go of the illusion of control. We do this by leaning into the resistance. Instead of fighting the situation we let go and let it happen. There is no need to resist because our moods, energy, future are not tied to the outcome.

For example, a boss is hired who is less skilled than you. This does not make you less qualified for your role, or theirs. It simply is. The illusion of power afforded to employers is not power over your reality or even your daily life. Just as your employer determines whether or not they will hire you. You determine if you will accept the role and under what conditions you are willing to work. The actions and activities of others are not a reflection on you or your work. You may choose to invest energy into fighting reality but you are only giving power to that perspective and not yourself.

In order to release yourself from the tension – that in the moment admittedly feels intense – you have to stop resisting the experience. Let go of the illusion of control. What we resist persists. When we resist we add scrutiny, attention, and energy to a situation and it becomes a problem. The key is to see what is rather than all of the meaning, interpretations, and value that you have imposed upon it. Release yourself from the resistance. Until you free yourself, the situation can only persist because it is consuming so much of your attention. Value is created by you and your attachment or disengagement with the experience. When you let go, you free yourself to focus on something else.

Following Your Yes

Leave a comment

The way we run from joy in life you’d think we hated it. We are constantly convincing ourselves that in order for our experiences to be valid, important, or necessary we must also be miserable. It’s easy to start to think that because we can do hard things that it is necessary to ONLY do what is difficult or challenging. In actuality we need to be doing less of what causes anxiety, makes us uncomfortable, or feels like it is not meant for us. We need to follow our yes.

Following our bliss or following your yes is a simple practice of listening and paying attention to your inner voice. The voice that wants ice cream and not dinner. The voice that says let’s go swinging rather than let’s jump on one more webinar. Listening to the voice is not a rejection of mature adult life. It is rather an acceptance that you know what is best for you. You know what you need better than any agenda or app.

You know that you’ve been sitting too much today. Your body is longing to stretch and fly free on the swing. Or noticing that you haven’t eaten enough today or that you’re hungry for a treat and that’s ok. We learn early to reject our inner voices in order to attend school or listen to adults around us. What if instead of trusting that anyone else knows better what you need, you simply trusted that you’ve got this. And if you’re wrong, you’ll figure it out. 

Isn’t that such a simple and yet, revolutionary thought? You don’t have to do the difficult thing, you can do the fun thing. And chances are the fun thing is the right thing for you. We all know that there are days when bills need to be paid. Days when boring meetings must be attended but that is not every day and you know what else? That is not all day. If you know you have a lot of responsibilities or obligations coming up – take some time to treat yourself. Be kind to you and pick up ice cream or pop by a local cafe for a hot beverage. Do something small to bring yourself joy. Even if you’re sitting in a long meeting you can at least sip your drink and offer yourself a small pleasure while in the midst of an unpleasant situation. 

Take care of yourself and follow your yes, let me know where your inner voice guides you!

Listening Within

Leave a comment

Today I am not looking backwards I am only looking forward. It is the only direction I am heading. I read something recently about how our pace is not consistent and that’s ok! Sometimes we’re going to charge ahead towards our goals and plans. Other times we will slowly and cautiously step forward. We may sprint, walk, or crawl – we may even rest and recover and that is important too. The only thing that matters is that we keep moving forward. 

I think that was the most meaningful piece for me to take in – that we are allowed to rest and recover. Particularly when things are hard – there are a lot of us feeling demoralized and down. We are allowed to be sad. It is important to take time to heal and hold ourselves and our loved ones close. This does not mean we are sitting this one out or staying silent on the issues that are most impactful and matter to us. It means we are caring for ourselves first and that is appropriate. 

When we are down or feeling tired we need rest. Self-care is a necessary responsibility. We will get knocked down in life – what matters is that we get back up. What helps us to carry on is the kindness and empathy we show to ourselves. 

Our progress is not measured by others. Let us always remember that we will never be criticized by people who are doing more than us. The people who are working on themselves, doing their own work, and showing up for their own journeys do not have time to critique us and our progress. Research shows that it is only those who are not proud of their own progress that have time to judge yours. 

We are accountable to no one but ourselves and as we authentically and generously listen to out inner voice and our inner calling we will move ahead. We are doing the good work that we were put on this planet to complete. Choosing ourselves and to stay focused on our own journey. Be gentle with you. Trust that you are made of stronger stuff than any of the challenges you may face. 

There’s a saying, “If God brings you to it she will bring you through it.” Trust that even if you are down for now you will follow your inner longing to get up and go forward toward whatever goals and dreams you hold in your heart. You already know where you’ve been – it’s so exciting to see where you’re going!

If you enjoy this blog – please subscribe and share it with friends.

Treating Each Day Like a Vacation Day

Leave a comment

Not every day can be vacation but I’ve noticed when I start the day with a relaxed mind-set – I’m happier. When a day is for work, the guiding principal seems to be, “utilize every moment for impactful activities and choices.” I enjoy the day a lot less. There is more joy in the day when we focus on meeting our own needs first.

When I begin the day focused on work I find myself rushing, begrudging the tasks that I complete. Stressing out because I can only complete so many unpleasant tasks in a day. Doing things simply for the result of getting them done I find myself begrudging every extra step. Since life is primarilymade up of a multitude of mundane moments this can get pretty overwhelming fast.

The day takes on a pleasant energy when I focus on what I like to do instead. On a “vacation day,” I am already only doing what I want. Doing what brings me joy. Some days it is simply letting myself read a book or popping out to a yoga class. It’s a small chocolate or another herbal tea. These are simple pleasures. Rather than making myself feel worse for choosing something I’d like to do I simply do it. I don’t rush myself, I don’t guilt myself and I refuse to pressure myself to do it quickly. Reading a few chapters of a good book is delightful. Allowing myself to rest before I burn out is impactful and powerful. Doing these activities puts me in a growth mindset rather than a stagnant one.

To be clear I am NOT doing these things in order to be more productive. But I do find it easier to complete unpleasant tasks when I am coming from a place of rest, comfort, ease and satisfaction. We feel good when our needs are being met. It is a pleasure to go through the day as if it were a vacation day. It gives a little breathing room and creates opportunities to treat ourselves well.

How to you organize your day? Do you force yourself to stay on task or do you allow your day to unfold more naturally?

If you enjoy this blog, please subscribe and share with a friend.

Experiencing Awe

Leave a comment

Today the rain is pouring outside. Thick heavy drops splashing on the window ledge fill our home with a gentle roar. The weight of life rolling down the window panes and over the shingled roof. It feels exquisite to be inside watching the water pour and the tree limbs sway. It fills me with gratitude. We are cozy, warm, and safe. Thunder powerfully rumbles overhead. The size and shape of the clouds creating noise and energy that astounds and humbles me. To consider the magnitude of ever shifting and rolling momentum fills me with awe. 

The rain and the clouds hovering overhead, remind me of the gifts this world has to offer us. The plenty that surrounds and engulfs our daily life. We are so small in this ever expanding universe. Simple situations and worries can seem so monumental to us. And yet, from the perspective of the world these are small things. Our desires, hopes, fears – all of them are so tiny. And really, what is there to worry about? 

Petty embarrassments, moods, situations – all of these things change like the weather. In a flash of lighting the storm has moved on and our small problems are similar. Much like the temperature, rain fall, the wind, all of it can go from the thunderous and terrifying to a gentle kiss in an instant. As Pullitzer Prize winning journalist Mary Schmich tells us, “In the end the race is only against ourselves.”

It’s powerful to consider – if we are not on earth to rush to any destination or achieve some lofty goal. We may only be here for this time, the journey, and all of its twists and turns. Our role may not be to fix, solve, or remedy. Our existence my be our only purpose. Maybe that’s true and maybe it isn’t. Perhaps we too are only here for a brief moment and have no other objective than to experience the awe and wonder that is life. What is the purpose of the rain? Is it not already perfect? What if we too, are already perfect?

If you enjoy this blog, please share it with someone else who might appreciate it today.

Clear the Clutter

Leave a comment

This weekend it snowed – even though we are well into the spring here in the midwest we can see snow into May and so I have come to expect some flurries with my sunshine. With the snowy weather outside my partner and I took the time to clear the clutter and organize our storage space. 

We updated labels, moving things from cardboard boxes into sealed plastic containers. We placed items of the same family together – sports equipment, kitchen and entertaining supplies, holiday decorations, and family heirlooms got their own sections. It was freeing and the speed of the work impressed me. It only took us a couple hours to purge, clean, and organize the space. After that was done we even found time to hang drapes and finally organize some of our catch-all bins. We even donated some items we have been collecting since we moved in.

In the grand scheme of things these are all small steps. They are not particularly transformative to our daily lives or even to our home. How often do we give guests a tour of our storage space? However, the process was cathartic, my partner and I worked together, that made the task fun. Completing the small tasks gave us momentum to do bigger things.

It’s incredible the impact that these small projects can have to releasing our mental blocks and freeing us to move forward. Unfinished tasks can become self-imposed limitations. We convince ourselves that we’re not allowed to move forward on another project until this “work,” is done. Your brain doesn’t care how irrelevant the task is, it only knows that you want to accomplish it. So your brain keeps following the map, directing your train of thought back to that same station – “I need to organize our family photos, I need to clean out that bin.” All of these boring but necessary tasks that we put off just burn our mental energy. However when we complete those boring tasks and take them off of our mental destination list we free ourselves. Our train of thought can now plow full steam ahead toward goals, dreams, and creative ambitions. 

It isn’t glamorous but I cannot recommend the results more highly. Do those small menial tasks and see if the repetitive labor doesn’t give you time to think and imagine. See if the satisfaction that comes from a job well done doesn’t inspire you to tackle another task. The results are not just simply the pleasure of a clean space but also the freedom to think about something else. Clear the clutter and see if it is just the weight that was holding you back from flying!