Today I meditated for 40 minutes. This is not a humble brag and I’ll tell you right away, I did not intend to do it. I awoke as if from a nap and in a haze, scrambling to return emails and complete tasks before the end of business hours.
Here’s another thing I’ll tell you, that time was a gift and I needed it. I am a firm believer in our bodies being attune to what we need, most days more than our inner monologue or mind would lead us to believe. I override the messages my body sends me all the time.
Body: “I’m hungry.”
Mind: “It’s bedtime, I’m not going downstairs for snacks.”
Body: “I’m tired.”
Mind: “We’ll just read this next chapter.”
Body: “I need care and attention. I just want to stretch.”
Mind: Emailing.
My goals are always pure. Keep a schedule. Eat a variety of healthy proteins, vegetables, and fruits. Deep condition your hair once a week. Give yourself a facial or a hydrating mask weekly. At the end a of a long day, take a relaxing bath. Use the cabinet full of elixirs, potions, and sweet smelling mixtures designed to tempt me to care of my whole self. Get enough sleep. Exercise and meditate daily. These are all such good intentions.
The reality is that I hit maybe 50% of these on a given day. Great sleep, schedule is out the window. Exercise – must grab quick lunch, a clif bar will have to do until dinner. None of it is intentional and I often wonder what a luxury it would be to live an independently wealthy life where my personal interests, goals, and self-care agenda were my primary concerns. But until that happens I am here and now in my reality – which is insanely blessed and beautiful.
Some days it’s just hard. And somedays I meditate for forty minutes and feel like a golden goddess for finally reaching this goal but also guilty for it interrupting the rest of my schedule. I’m deciding right now, to put a pin in the guilt. I’m just going to celebrate the fact that this is a milestone. A moment I did not honestly imagine myself reaching, especially because my meditation practice is sporadic at best.
Who knew? Clearly my body did, it gave me the time, the focus, the energy that my mind denied requiring in order to push through to the next goal, the next accomplishment. This was my goal for the day and I didn’t even know it. Lucky me. Thank goodness my body knew what was best, even when my mind did not.