Category: Wellness

Synchroncity

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Today I am feeling the synchronicity of life in full force. It is a glorious sunshine-y, nearly seventy degree day at the end of March. Reveling in light and beauty my list of gratitudes stretches. When we are living in alignment with our purpose it feels as if blessings just seem to come our way. The reality is that the experience of synchronicity is the universe’s way of showing us we are on the right path.

Sitting in the midst of abundance we can feel the universe both pulling and pushing us forward. New ideas crop up, we’re inspired to call an old friend, connections that were previously unseen reveal themselves. So often when we are walking a path that is not intended for us we are confronted with obstacles. We feel frustrated, lonely, and tired. It’s easy to start thinking life is supposed to be difficult. We start to believe that if our journey is easy it’s not as valuable. But what if that’s not true?

Today I would encourage you to reflect on the synchronicity of your own life. Maybe even consider taking the easy path – whatever that looks like for you. What if all of the images we hold of the universe or our path do not need to be tied to practicality? Have you considered if the universe favors whimsy, joy, light, and limitless potential?

The forces that created animals, sand, and star dust very clearly love variety. If the universe wanted us to be creatively stilted and bored – wouldn’t there be just one kind of  snowflake? Instead of millions of varied combinations that we can observe and many we will never see at all. Creation then is not for our enjoyment but simply for the joy of it. The purpose is not for our work to be seen or shared (or difficult) but for the simple delight of creating. Isn’t it worth considering if that is our purpose too? To have fun, create things, and enjoy them. Perhaps it’s possible to take the easy way and have that be enough.

As I feel momentum pushing me towards the right path I am filled with delight, curiosity, and anticipation. I am eager for what comes next and happy to be a part of the cosmic magic that makes life so richly expansive. I hope you’ll join me in taking the easier path and creating something amazing this week. 

If you’d like to see a little bit of what I’ve been creating lately please pop over to the fine art section or buy my latest book.

Painting + Flow

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There is the patter of rain on the windows and roof, I am settled into my seat, lemon water at my side and my tummy rumbling for a sweet treat – I keep cookies in my desk drawer for these occasions. I am feeling good – processed. I recently missed an opportunity that I thought might be for me. It was disappointing and I allowed myself to wallow yesterday. I needed a day to be angry and frustrated. Today, I needed to get into flow, so I painted.

An easel sits across from me in my office. It typically holds a painting that I am working on or a blank canvas waiting to be filled. Today the paint and my ideas flowed. I am feeling quite satisfied to have created something I know to be beautiful and believe to be good. I also have had the idea to ask the local frame shop if on Friday afternoons I might paint in their front window – possibly to draw customers in and hopefully sell a few of my pieces. It might be fun and it is something that occurred to me as I painted.

That’s the beauty of creative work, it frees the mind to wander. And gives space to let the imagination roam. There’s actually a pile of research on the benefits of somewhat mindless activities like painting. These tasks help us get into slower brain waves that bring us into flow and help us to make connections in our brains more efficiently. When our brains are in the state of flow we’re able to bring together a variety of ideas to create a new and unique solution. To learn more about the research I would encourage you to read The Art of Impossible by Steve Kotler. 

When I create I get to consider imaginary situations, topics that I have thoughts on but haven’t had the time to process. For me painting is meditative. When I am in the midst of my work it is easy to loose track of time. I feel completely absorbed in the best way possible, choosing colors, creating patterns or destroying them. It is powerful and empowering to simply focus on my work and what I want to do next. Painting frees me to finally think clearly. It gives me a fun medium in which I can make mistakes or change my mind and the consequences are minimal. It is freeing and makes my soul sing.

Whatever you do today I hope you give yourself some space to create. I notice that when I don’t make room in my life to act on my inspirations I feel cranky and stifled. Why make ourselves miserable for no reason? With that in mind I am grateful and excited to see what beauty we create in the world next. For now I’m focusing on this canvas and what colors and images come next. It’s a very good day, I hope yours is too!

Prolonging Happiness

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According to positive psychology research Joy is a temporary emotion – something brought about by a singular moment or situation that sparks a momentary lift in emotional satisfaction. Whereas happiness is more sustainable, an emotion we can prolong for a stretch of time. We can feel happiness over minutes rather than just seconds. In order to prolong happiness we must first prime the pump, or get into the habit of feeling happy. 

To feel happiness more regularly we must first familiarize ourselves with the experience. When we get comfortable and aware of what makes us happy we ready ourselves to engage, experience, and eventually prolong happiness. We begin by noticing and paying attention to what makes us happy so that we may attune our attention to it.

Often when we talk about happiness we remember brief moments in time. It could be a night out dancing with friends, a child’s laugh, the euphoria of dating someone special. These are all delightful and serendipitous events that we can’t necessarily plan for – simply because all of these moments are joy. Happiness however, that more sustainable sensation, can be created through deliberate choice making and attentiveness. 

We are attentive to our happiness when we stay in it. We don’t distract ourselves or “forbade joy,” which Brenee Brown describes as staring at a peaceful child sleeping or watching an idyllic scene from a movie and anticipating something horrible happening. To be clear, foreboding joy is a natural inclination and something that we all experience. We do it because our happiness in that moment is so great that we fear loosing it. Therefore, we imagine the end of that happiness. Despite that preparation being of no use to us and costing us the loss of the very real happiness of that moment. To avoid slipping out of happiness and into fear, anger, or any other strong emotion the key is to first stay in gratitude. 

Staying in gratitude when things are good is the first step to sustaining happiness. Gratitude allows us to linger in that blissful sensation of peace and serenity. As we experience prolonged happiness or even just a burst of joy it is important to notice what is happening. Are we talking to a good friend or preparing a homemade meal we enjoy? Being aware of our bodies and selves in those moments helps us notice the signs.

Think back over the last week and write down the moments that brought you the most joy. Maybe you bought a new sweater or made a fresh batch of cookies for dessert. These don’t have to be major accomplishments. Sometimes our favorite song comes on the radio and that’s enough! When that happens write it down. When you have a list of five or ten moments of joy review the list. What, if anything those moments have in common?

Now that you have your list, you have a place to start. How can you create at least one more moment of happiness in the next day, week, month? These are simple opportunities where you can incorporate happiness into your life. If all of your moments are around food, could you make a meal at home and amplify the sensation? If your happiest moments are around friends, could you schedule a gathering monthly so you not only enjoy fun in the moment but also the happiness of looking forward to gathering? Come up with your own ideas and give yourself the gift of happiness. 

Incorporating happiness and prolonging happiness improves the quality of our days and lives. How can you enhance the quality of your own life today? If you need more ideas on recognizing happiness, we have some other creative happiness tips here.

Reclaim a Positive Mindset

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This month I’m noticing a shift in how people are showing up. As we prepare for a blast of snow storms here in the midwest there is an edge of negativity and and frustration. This post pandemic reality has not been easy on any of us. I want to take a minute to remind us all of the power we have to reclaim a positive mindset. 

The negative feedback loop does not just happen on social media, it can happen in our own minds as well. Following simple steps is helpful so that we don’t get pulled down into negativity. That said if you feel like you are depressed or need additional help, please seek out a professional care provider. You are not alone and there are experts available, don’t feel you have to face this challenge on your own. 

If however you’re simply looking to lighten the load and brighten your perspective here are some tools we can use to get out of a negative mindset:

Social Media – Revise your social media follows. Pay attention to the media you consume. If you find yourself dragged down or feeling sad or empty after scrolling, start by taking a break from your social feeds. After a break from screen time clean your virtual house. Clear out any account that makes you feel less joyful than when you first view it. It does not matter if these are accounts that belong to people you know, news sources, or causes you believe in – if the content is leaving you drained or in a negative head space, root it out. You can come back when you’re ready but for now it is time to cleanse and take a break.

News Sources – Being an informed and engaged citizen is important but if you are feeling overwhelmed by the content you are observing give yourself permission to let it go. You are not obligated to carry the weight of the world in order to be informed. Choose a positive news source or limit your consumption to one short block of time a day. In the 24 hour news cycle most information does not serve you. Do not allow yourself to be guilted or held accountable for knowing all. Your peace is more important. 

Connections – Pay attention to how you feel after talking with friends and family. Do you feel refreshed and enlightened? Do you feel bogged down or tired? There are some people in our lives who can suck all of the joy out of the room and others. After an interaction it can take hours, days, or weeks to recover. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re with others and if you notice things are heading south, get out. You can begin with boundaries and remind yourself of them as needed. 

Another idea is to make time to spend with people who lift you up and make your life brighter. Be attentive to who those people are in your life and make a point to spend more time in their company.

Mental Health – And again, if you find yourself feeling down more often than usual, seek out a professional mental healthcare provider. Caring for yourself is your most important job. You are your most important thing. The world is a more radiant and beautiful place because you are in it. We cannot win or finish the race if we do not take breaks to rest and recover.

Give yourself everything you need to thrive, feel nurtured, and grow. Reclaim your positive mindset. Care for yourself as you would a small child, pet, or plant. We need sunlight, water, warmth, and care – these things do not come by accident, they come by intention. Be generous with your self-care. Not only are you worthy and deserving, you are also unique and wonderful. There’s no one else like you in the world, so please take care of you. 

Rest and Recovery

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Taking a break to rest. This week we booked a vacation. I recently read an article in the Harvard Business Review by Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan which explains the need to rest to continue our journeys. And it struck a chord in me. We cannot keep pursuing our goals doggedly, or even reach our destinations if we do not stop for water. It’s like expecting a marathoner to make the journey without gel packs or hydration. It simply cannot be done. And so often when we want something very much – a dream, goal, or hope – we believe that the only way to reach that goal or achieve that accomplishment is by sacrificing our wellbeing. Well, I am here to tell you that simply is not true. In fact I am going to tell you the opposite is in fact true. Rest and recovery is the key to success.

To reach any destination or goal we need gas in the tank. We need to take care of ourselves so that we can continue. The strength that separates those that achieve their goals from those that just talk about them is not endurance, instead it is recovery. It is taking the time to rest, to recalibrate, revive and keep going. It is not pushing harder, faster, longer. Even the research shows that we are only capable of pushing through pain and journeying on at greater risk to ourselves and others. I watched an episode of the greatest race recently. The show followed several groups as they collaborated and worked together to reach a goal. It was powerful to watch, and moved me to tears at various points.

There was a group of ex-military and special ops athletes who were working to finish the race. They clearly believed that they were not worthy of rest as they pushed themselves to injury rather than taking a break. To the point where one of their team members was rendered completely unable to stand. Even then he was unable to quit himself. And had to have his team lead both call for medical evacuation and decide that they would not go on. Even the language this team used afterward blamed the man who was injured. Had he stopped to properly tend to his wounds they all likely could have carried on and finished the race. But their shared belief that he must push through pain likely cost them all the joy they were seeking by participating.

On the opposite end of the spectrum there was another team simply there to do something fun as a group. They also did not finish the race but their take aways were totally different. It was a team of friends who just wanted to make memories together. On a particularly difficult stretch of mountain biking one of their members went over the handlebars of his bike – likely traveling at more than 20 or 30 miles per hour. His helmet was cracked but when the call came from the medical team, his first complaint was of some missing fingernails. He was tender and in pain but sustained only topical injuries. His team refused to go on. They were simply grateful that he was not hurt more seriously. Health, rest and recovery were their priorities.

What stood out to me was that the first man faced his challenge alone. How might his story be different if his relationships with his teammates were based on more than shared ambition and intensity? Whereas the second group both made it further and left with an even deeper satisfaction – lifelong mutually supportive friendships. They chose not to go on because it was not in the best interest for the team. Their injured teammate did not suffer alone. Furthermore, they walked away more deeply connected. 

That feeling of being unable to stop for proper care, kept the first contender from accomplishing his goal. His perspective also cost him his health. What is most relevant here is that he may have done irreparable damage to his body by not pausing to rest. That refusal of rest and recovery cost him his dream of finishing the race.

Taking care of ourselves and addressing our needs is not frivolous or wasteful. In fact, it is the difference between being able to recover and continue the journey and burning ourselves out. This week we planned a vacation and even as we planned it I was envisioning photos I could share here on the blog, outfit changes, food posts, and more. But I will use this time to rest and refresh. I will use this time to recharge and unwind. This has not been an easy year. I am grateful for the reprieve and the opportunity to refill my cup and nourish myself before the next leg of my journey. 

As you now know, I highly recommend rest and recovery. Also, I cannot more highly recommend twice annual vacations and intermittent trips in between for your own sanity and recovery. Give yourself the gift of fresh water. Fill the well. Let yourself be supported and nurtured so that you may continue. You may even accomplish those incredible and ambitious goals you have set for yourself.

Abundance Mindset

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How shifting our focus can change our lives.

I am returning to a reflection on abundance. Lately I feel as if I have been living in fear and fear causes our minds to shrink. That’s not accurate, fear causes our attention to hyper focus and so instead of seeing the multitude of options we see only escape routes. Our instinctual fight, flight, or freeze responses shift us from an abundance mindset to fear. And fear only sees the immediate necessities. Which is what enables us to make snap decisions in fear but not always the best decisions. 

The Opposite of fear

An abundance mindset is almost the opposite of fear. This perspective relaxes us and enables us to see not just the next step but all of our options. Abundance teaches us that we do not need one solution or strategy, there are so many options to choose from. With an abundance mindset we see plentiful resources, a multitude of paths and strategies. We are not trapped and seeking the quickest escape, we are surrounded by bounty and we have the luxury of tasting it all.

Abundance reminds us that we are not in danger, there is time, and there is enough for us all. The abundance of stars, plants, trees, and grains of sand are only physical examples of the bounty within the universe and on our planet. New people are born every day, new ideas and discoveries made, and the opportunities for us forever multiplying. More books are being written than we could ever read and more puppies being born than we could ever pet. There is so much in the world for us to enjoy. There is enough for all of us.

Changing Our Lives

Shifting my mindset to abundance gives me the space to create and breathe with ease. I am not in a rush. That which is meant for me will find me, it will not pass me by. Just as I am seeking my goals, my goals are seeking me. I am doing the exact right thing and I am making the right choices. My only responsibility is to step towards my goals so that they may also step toward me.

The more grateful we are for what we have, the more we invite abundance to help us grow. As our perspectives become more expansive we allow ourselves to become wealthy in opportunities, joy, connection, and health. In abundance we see a plethora of options and we get to select those things that please us most.

For more on abundance and a fabulous scone recipe pop over… Sorry, I couldn’t resist the bakery pun.

Boundaries: Building Trust with Yourself

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Sometimes I find myself creating boundaries and then just as quickly breaking them. Not because I feel like the boundaries are not necessary but in order to appease or please someone else. When I put that other person’s wants or whims ahead of my own needs I break my own trust. Another way this happens is when I set a time limit for unpleasant tasks, but don’t stop as planned. When I have a boring task, like cleaning a room or organizing emails – I tell myself I will only do these tasks for forty-five minutes and an hour later I’m still at it. When this happens I feel drained and angry because I pushed past my boundary. These tasks are never-ending, they need to be done but not at the cost of my joy or personal trust.

The key I am finding to facing these realities is don’t lie to yourself or anyone else. For example when I wrote “cleaning for an hour,” please read, “dusting for 20 minutes.” There we are beginning with honesty. Another way I can be honest with myself is knowing I only have 10 minutes to give, I don’t have to push myself to 15.

The good thing is that building trust is a simple and intentional practice of small steps. When I set a limit, I stick to it and pay attention to how I feel. I also try to reward myself for sticking to the boundary to reinforce my commitment to respecting myself.

As we work toward trusting ourselves and building healthy boundaries, remember that we are all works in progress. Treat yourself as a small child or your dearest friend – don’t yell at them for making a mistake or for getting something wrong. You might ask if they want a cookie and let them rest when they’re tired. We would never hold someone to an impossible standard and then insult or reprimand them if they made a mistake – so why would we do this to ourselves? 

Sometimes the best gift you can give yourself is grace. We all need to feel nurtured and whole so that we are strong enough to try again later. When we are kind to ourselves we are more likely to return again. Boundaries can give us the comfort and security we need but they have to stem from a place of safety. Give yourself a little forgiveness and a little understanding, chances are you need it. You know where things worked and where they didn’t, beating yourself up about it doesn’t add anything to the experience. Be gentle with you, you’re the only one we’ve got! Sending love, patience, forgiveness, and strength from my heart to yours. As we learn and grow, and get better every day.

What are some ways you show kindness to yourself when you don’t keep a boundary you intended to hold? What are some ways you can be generous to yourself when you’re feeling frustrated or down?

Combating Negative Self-Talk with Magic

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I read recently, “You don’t have to to have it all figured out to move forward.” It makes me think of my highlight reel of negative self talk – the judgments that seem to always be with us and leading us to feel as if I need to improve, quickly. Researchers estimate that we think about 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day – and that about 80% of those thoughts are negative. The messages that we haven’t done enough or that we aren’t enough, can leave us feeling defeated. Which in turn keeps us trapped in that negative feedback loop and in some cases can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Being in this place is exhausting. The repeated messaging that we aren’t enough wears us down – and by virtue of listening to it, and worse yet believing it, we stay stuck. We begin to believe we can’t do all that we want and because we believe it, it becomes true. That false belief saps our energy and leaves us feeling too worn down to pursue our goals or even to take that next step.

Negative self-talk is a workhorse – it simply plows the same row every day. It does not like obstacles or challenges, it just wants to plod the same path and get back to paddock by sundown. This routine may not work for us any longer, we may want to shift gears and try something new but that horse just wants to tread the familiar path. It does not like flashy colors or new routes, in fact if not for the passage of time it would hoe the same row every day if it could. The routine is predictable, the routine is safe, the routine assures that we will get back to the paddock just as we left it. There will be no injuries or negative push-back because we will have done the same thing every day. And walking that path is easy, we know we have the fitness for it, we know the way and won’t get lost. It is easier to do the same thing every day and not make any changes.

The old line, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results,” comes to mind. We can’t do the same things if we want different results. We cannot continue our current exercise routines and wake up one morning to run a marathon. When we get caught in a comfortable routine we can find ourselves fearful or hesitant to try something new – we’re afraid to leave our comfort zone. That is understandable because the workhorse in us just wants to get back to the paddock safely and the only way to guarantee that outcome is to take the same steps over and over. 

The thing is that if we never try something new or step out of our comfort zone we leave no room for magic or inspiration. We simply get home safely with nothing new to share at the dinner table. There’s a lot to be said for the joys of a simple life and a smooth day but if your heart is longing for a little adventure, wanderlust, or surprise. I hope you’ll coax that workhorse out of its rut and take a ride into town. I hope you’ll stretch in a new direction or try a new routine. You don’t have to wake up and go hot air ballooning but maybe try a new breakfast recipe, or meet a friend for lunch. Make time and space in your life for magic and see if it doesn’t add a spring in your step, a richness to your life, and a little spark that you might nurture into something new for yourself and the world. I am going to try it and I hope you do too – tell me what new things you try below! 

Practicing Self-Care vs. After-Care

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Taking care of ourselves before burnout is the key to sustaining our health. Many of us are practicing after-care, rather than self care. Preventative self-care practices are the continuous and constant steps we take to love and care for ourselves. Oftentimes we come to self-care from the perspective of need and requiring after-care. After-care is the experience we feel when we are already drained and exhausted, we are spent beyond our abilities to cope or we are pushing forward when an unexpected jolt or issue knocks us off course.

When we practice self-care regularly we are better able to face challenges because we are not already stretched to our limit. I like to think of this like tree limbs or branches. When the branches of a willow tree are blown in the wind they bend and twist – they do not break. But in the winter if the branches are frozen in ice they snap and break whenever the wind blows. We want to be supple and bendy, flexible to life’s challenges, not rigid and unmoving because that will cause us to snap and potentially hurt ourselves or others. 

After care typically takes place once we have already snapped and we are forced to confront or recon with damage already done. To avoid being in this position entirely we need to practice regular and intentional self-care, as a preventative health measure that keeps us out of that brittle and icy place. We do that by not over extending ourselves, giving more than we feel comfortable giving, or spending too much time taking care of others and not enough time focused on ourselves.

A lot of times we think that self-care is selfish or a luxury, when truthfully the ability to show up as our best selves in the world is simply health-care. It is staying healthy and that is not a luxury, it is a necessity. What you choose to do to care for yourself can be a spa day, a hot bath, or therapy. It could also be just taking a night off to read, rest, and recover. 

Tending to yourself and your own needs is something we all need to do in order to stay out of after-care and comfortably in self-care where we can thrive, grow, learn and engage. This way when challenges come, as they do for us all, we can greet them with ease and balance. These challenges will not throw us off course or overwhelm us because we are already coming from a place of strength, health, and resilience.

To learn more about the distinction between “After-Care,” and “Self-Care,” I would encourage you to check out the work of Nedra Glover Tawwab, NYT Bestselling Author, Therapist, Relationship and Boundaries Expert.

Centering: Using the Tools we have to Ground Ourselves

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This weekend in the absence of meditation I have been feeling discombobulated. I have had so many thoughts running through my mind that it’s hard to pick and choose where my natural beginning is to be found. Which task needs to be addressed first – what is my next right thing? Fortunately, when I start to feel overwhelmed I have the tools to bring myself back into the equation and to find my way back to my own center. 

The temptation may be to scroll through my phone or search for wisdom from some outside expert. Sometimes I follow this rabbit hole but the answer is already here inside of me. I know the answer already. There is no sage wisdom that someone else possesses – we possess it inside ourselves already. In short, I got this. 

I recover from this feeling with meditation or writing. I write out all of the half-sentences, and half-baked ideas swirling around in my head like a list. I let them flow out of me and onto the page and eventually they start to make sense. There’s a deeper meaning that is hidden beneath the layers of surface distraction. And whatever it is, that small whisper has room to come through when I get all of that extra background noise out of the way.

Once it is out of the way I focus on my intentions and what I want and need. That means eating well, drinking enough water, and tending to myself as if I am precious. It means investing in myself and giving myself the time and attention I need to feel balanced. Focusing internally allows us to redirect the energy that can be lost quickly when I am looking to someone else to guide me or give directions. I follow my own marching orders and to do that I need to be nourished, healthy, well rested, and to be kind to myself. The little voice inside of me that longs to be heard will not shout – it is my job to silence the external din so that I can listen within myself and find what I am looking for there. 

Each of us has a mission and a purpose in this world. Our role is not to understand or explain it. Our role is to show up and give our best. What’s incredible is that even as I write this I feel the tugs of self-doubt and fear that our society indoctrinates young women to feel. But I also feel the soaring of my heart when I listen to myself, when I reward myself and don’t silence the vision I hold of the future. We all have so much to give the world and we can only share our gifts if we slow down, look within, and share our souls. 

To me this looks like silence, hydration, rest, meditation, good food, and exercise. What does it look like to you?