Tag: generosity

Taking Care

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“Treating ourselves like precious objects makes us strong,” according to Julia Cameron. This has been a week of taking care of myself. It’s small things really. Little gifts that enhance the quality of life for the better. Buying myself flowers at the grocery store. I bought dahlia’s and floral cabbages from Canada and put them into an arrangement. I purchased the foods I like to eat – the delicious treats that I don’t often allow myself because I am purchasing something for someone else. Or buying what someone else likes instead of what pleases me. I’ve noticed somethings – first of all, I’m happier. I like my choices and it feels good to be taking care of myself first. The other bit I did not suspect or anticipate – everyone else in my house is happier too. 

I picked up sushi because it delights me. It’s a little pricey so we don’t have it all the time. However, because I got some for myself, I was also able to share some with my family. Everyone was in a better mood. I got to feel like a benevolent goddess for sharing and everyone else was pleased and surprised. Today, I made a caprese salad platter for lunch. I had enough to share and the entire family ended up eating it together. It wasn’t a super fancy indulgence, we had tomatoes, salami, and I picked up bread and a nice mozzarella. I tell you this because it wasn’t like I dropped $400 at the store on expensive treats. I just bought small things to compliment what we already had and it brought us all together.

Not one person these past few days has complained about the meal. No one has decided to “Make a sandwich.” Instead of eating dinner. Everyone is happier when I share some of the delectable delights that I had intended to enjoy on my own. This was not an intentional experiment. It wasn’t some grand idea or strategy. It was simply a desire to meet my own needs. A recognition that so many of us don’t know what we like because we are so focused on pleasing other people. We do this so often and so thoroughly that we don’t even know what we like. And that made me sad. It made we want to know more about myself and what brings me joy. And it turns out that when I take better care of me – I’m actually taking care of everyone else. 

It’s like that parenting adage that if you want to help your children, get yourself to therapy. The answer is not in healing them or fixing some outside issue. The answer to to heal yourself first. Meet your needs so that others don’t have to bear the burden of your lack. Give yourself an abundance of love and empathy so that when others come to you there is an abundance of love, support, and energy already filling you up. Only when you are full are you able to give. So if you need me I’ll be planning my own vacation and making more time to paint. The good of the world rests on my shoulders and I am not one to shirk responsibility. I hope you make some time to do some good and wonderful things for yourself too!

Holding Space

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One of the lessons I am learning and re-learning is the imperative nature of self-care. Taking care of ourselves well is our first and primary responsibility. In an active life it is easy to loose track of doing the things that nurture and support ourselves. We fall behind with dental appointments, forget to reschedule a salon visit, and before we realize it we’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and tired by the prospect of tackling all of the responsibilities we have in our lives.

Today instead of writing out strategies to stay ahead or accomplish more – I am holding space for you. Instead of writing a blog for you to read I am giving you back the time you might have used to read this post. I compiled a list that is by no means all encompassing. It is simply a list of suggestions, ideas for self-care that you might not have considered or thought about recently. So, rather than reading something inspirational here – take the time that you typically invest in reading and give yourself the following gifts instead. Do one or maybe three if you’re feeling adventurous. Whatever you choose I hope it serves you, supports you, and makes you feel deeply cared for and appreciated.

  1. Take 5 deep breaths
  2. Call one person who always makes you laugh
  3. Pick up 3 things and put them away
  4. Floss
  5. Take a sip of water
  6. Do 5 circles with your head and then do them in the opposite direction
  7. Turn on your favorite song and have a dance party by yourself
  8. Close your eyes and count to 10
  9. Have a snack
  10. Set a timer and daydream for 5 minutes

These are small practices that serve you. I hope you and enjoy them and know they are here whenever you need a break!

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How to Rebound from Disappointment

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Today I am eating shortbread cookies from the Honolulu cookie company as I rebound from disappointment. The cookies are shaped like pineapples, dipped in white chocolate and coconut flakes. They are dainty and light, possibly the best cookies I have ever had. They are from a place that I have never been but long to visit. These cookies taste like sunshine, island breezes, bright flowers, crystal blue waters, and fresh air. They are the essence of escapism, made sweeter by the fact that they are a gift from someone who loves me and was thinking of me on their last trip to Hawaii. These are all joyful notes that are serving to put me into a better frame of mind. 

Today I will also purchase a couple of items that I have saved up for but have yet to buy. They are sitting in my cart and now is the moment. I need some joy and something happy to look forward to. I am going to give myself the gift of cozy winter gear and new drapes. These aren’t huge investments but they are investments in my own joy and happiness, both worthy and important. Whenever I face rejection I remind myself that my success or failure is not tied to my personal value or self.

I also hug my family extra tight and remind myself that some things have nothing to do with me. It helps to remind myself that the universe always has my best interest in mind. That which is meant for me I can’t screw up or loose. And those things not meant for me will pass me by, that is the nature of things. I just have to trust that this opportunity was not meant for me right now and that’s ok. 

I am learning to let go. Even though I am disappointed, I get to cuddle my kiddos, eat a good dinner, and get some rest. Today was a hard day but tomorrow will be better. I will get through this just as I have successfully gotten through every challenge I have faced up until now. I’ve got this, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I am going to fake it until I believe it. And even though today was hard, tomorrow will be easier. I just know it.

How do you rebound from disappointment? How are you more gentle or generous to yourself?

Centering: Using the Tools we have to Ground Ourselves

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This weekend in the absence of meditation I have been feeling discombobulated. I have had so many thoughts running through my mind that it’s hard to pick and choose where my natural beginning is to be found. Which task needs to be addressed first – what is my next right thing? Fortunately, when I start to feel overwhelmed I have the tools to bring myself back into the equation and to find my way back to my own center. 

The temptation may be to scroll through my phone or search for wisdom from some outside expert. Sometimes I follow this rabbit hole but the answer is already here inside of me. I know the answer already. There is no sage wisdom that someone else possesses – we possess it inside ourselves already. In short, I got this. 

I recover from this feeling with meditation or writing. I write out all of the half-sentences, and half-baked ideas swirling around in my head like a list. I let them flow out of me and onto the page and eventually they start to make sense. There’s a deeper meaning that is hidden beneath the layers of surface distraction. And whatever it is, that small whisper has room to come through when I get all of that extra background noise out of the way.

Once it is out of the way I focus on my intentions and what I want and need. That means eating well, drinking enough water, and tending to myself as if I am precious. It means investing in myself and giving myself the time and attention I need to feel balanced. Focusing internally allows us to redirect the energy that can be lost quickly when I am looking to someone else to guide me or give directions. I follow my own marching orders and to do that I need to be nourished, healthy, well rested, and to be kind to myself. The little voice inside of me that longs to be heard will not shout – it is my job to silence the external din so that I can listen within myself and find what I am looking for there. 

Each of us has a mission and a purpose in this world. Our role is not to understand or explain it. Our role is to show up and give our best. What’s incredible is that even as I write this I feel the tugs of self-doubt and fear that our society indoctrinates young women to feel. But I also feel the soaring of my heart when I listen to myself, when I reward myself and don’t silence the vision I hold of the future. We all have so much to give the world and we can only share our gifts if we slow down, look within, and share our souls. 

To me this looks like silence, hydration, rest, meditation, good food, and exercise. What does it look like to you?

Caring for Yourself First

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As I work toward better care of myself and tending to my own needs before tending to others I am learning so much about what I like and what pleases me. A big challenge for me is giving away that which I want most to others. If it’s a party or a gift or even a small treat, I refuse to take it for myself. I do however hold on to it and save it for someone else. I could justify the expense or the investment if it was for someone else – but never for me. 

As I do more deep dive self-work I am finding how that cycle has continued to hurt me throughout my life. It has worn me down and worn down that still small inner voice I have that calls to me to tell me what I need, what I value, what I want. And over time and after repeated years of giving that which my heart longs for most to others that inner voice has grown steadily more quiet. However, one of the great healings of this work has been the generosity of giving myself that which I want. And by giving small gifts, little indulgences here and there – maybe it’s a cookie after mediation or some quiet time out in the yard by myself – my inner voice is getting stronger, louder, and it is guiding me to exactly where I want to be and what I want to be doing. 

For years I have kept this monogramed lumbar pillow on my etsy wishlist. It is expensive and luxurious and really, it’s a decorative pillow, it serves no useful purpose. But to me it looks lovely. I think it is beautiful and elegant. Tasteful and classic, it just seemed like something I would like to have, for whatever reason. For years I have looked at this pillow and thought – in a nicer house, in someone else’s room, perhaps the next wedding invitation I will send it to someone else. And instead, today I bought it. I pulled the trigger and ordered that pillow. And I am excited for it to come. I am eager to see how it looks on my bed. I have wanted this pillow for years and instead of punishing myself for one more day by looking at it and thinking it’s beautiful but too beautiful for me, I thought I love it and I want it and now it’s mine. 

I will be one of those elegant southern ladies with a monogrammed pillow sham. I will be the owner of something classic, tasteful and refined. And deep in my heart there is this sweet singing. A gentle hum that tells me I am doing the right thing and I am nourishing something deep inside me. A need that has longed to be filled and is finally getting what it wants from me – the only person who can give me exactly what I want and need. And that is the beauty of this learning, it is the realization that I don’t have to wait for someone else to guess or get it just right on a whim. 

When I listen to my inner voice I know, deep down I know, what I want and need and I don’t need anyone else’s permission or approval to give myself those things. I can give those things to myself, be they small or large, and they will fill me up. I will satiate a deep thirst and when my cup is full to overflowing there is enough to share with others. When I feel ready I can give to other people – I do not need to steal the bread from my own mouth to give to someone else first. 

I cannot pour from an empty cup and so when I have enough then I have more than enough to give. But taking what I want and giving it to others keeps me rooted in resentment because I am giving more than I have. I am giving beyond my own boundaries and my own comfort level and that is not a gift given willingly. That is a gift given with strings attached. And I don’t want to give with strings attached any longer. I want to give from the fullness of my abundance. I want to share because I want to and I am so full, my joy so rich and large that giving or sharing with someone else will not deplete my resources. And I want to surround myself with friends who appreciate, respect, and value the reciprocity of these gifts. People who realize what it takes to share and want to share not only their gifts with me but also accept with an open heart those gifts I have available to share freely and do not want or expect that I should give to them what I have not yet offered myself and satiated my own need for first. It is that awareness, that honesty, and mutual appreciation that feeds us both that draws to us those who wish to share not to take and those that wish to give as much as they receive. And that is the zenith of this work – to love myself so dearly and deeply that I only draw towards me those that can and want to do the same. 

How do you care deeply for yourself? How do you find your circle of friends and build reciprocal relationships? Who is your best reciprocal friend?