Tag: gifts

Mantras to Trust the Universe

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Spring is here, brightly colored birds are making their way through the skies. Everything in this region has been wintering. All of us resting, cozy, and warmly ensconced at home are sleepily opening our eyes to a new day. Now that the sun is shining, much like the geese overhead, everyone is out and about. We have anxiously and eagerly awaited the arrival of spring. Like new flowers we blossom with the turn of season. With this shift in mind, I have written some Mantras to trust the universe for all of us to use. Mantras help us to calm, center, and ground ourselves when we’re in the midst of change. My hope is that these mantras serve you as you embrace the change of season and rebirth of spring.

I trust that what the universe has in store will not pass me by. 

That which is meant of me cannot be lost or missed. 

The gifts of the universe are safely on their way, my role is to be present and prepared. 

I willingly accept the gifts the universe provides. 

I trust that where I am is exactly where I am meant to be. 

My heart and hands  are open. 

That which I am intended to have I am prepared to accept.

As we enter a new season let us focus is on centering. The goal is to have no expectations of what is to come while maintaining anticipation for great things. Trusting that where we are in this moment is exactly where the universe intends us to be. In this moment we are to be learning and growing all that we can so that we may move forward with ease and delight when the time is right. I hope you use these mantras to trust the universe to center yourself and bloom this spring.

Thursdaying: Holding Space For Ourselves

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I am holding space for myself today. Usually the request to hold space is for someone else. An opportunity to communicate our care or let someone know we are thinking of them. I find it easy to hold space for others but rarely take the time to nurture and focus on myself. Therefore when I sense a feeling of risk or fear as I consider moving toward my goals, or plans, it catches my attention. That awareness reminds me I need to take some time to hold space and look inward. The time I use is what I call, “Thursdaying.”

I grew up in a loud home. Our house was full of siblings, friends, games, television, pets, and events. There was always something happening. In the summers we would visit our friends and sometimes spend weeks at each other’s houses. It was an opportunity for each of us to see how the other half lived. Also, a great opportunity for our parents to spend time together as a couple. Our houses were noticeably cleaner upon our return and our parents well rested.

One of the gifts of these trips was staying with my mother’s best friend and my, “Mom 2.” After several days of Spice Girls music video shoots, movie screenings, and play we were all usually pretty tired. But on this morning I happened to be up early. The other kiddos were still fast asleep, and while Dad 2 stayed home, Mom 2 took me to breakfast.

On the ride over Mom 2 made the rules clear. I was welcome to come, and she loved me very much, but she was going to sit alone. She would read her book and drink her coffee. She would buy breakfast but I would sit at my own table. We were not together. No adult had ever spoken to me like this before. It felt very grown up and direct. I promptly agreed. I was confident I could comport and handle myself at a coffeehouse, “alone.” 

It was a big change for me to be left to my own devices. And so I ordered my hot chocolate and blueberry scone and picked out my table. While my drink was prepared I took my time collecting various magazines and newspapers from the racks and counters. I had not known the rules before I left and therefore needed supplies. I picked a yellow wood table and parked myself, with my back to where Mom 2 sat maybe 10 feet away from me. That morning I ate, I drank, I read – it was heaven. 

It was Thursday and yet no one interrupted me. It was just the resonant noise of an early morning coffee shop. I did not need to rush anywhere or do anything. An independent woman, for the first time in my life. It was glorious. And that memory stuck. It has stayed, nestled in my heart all my life. 

Throughout my life I have enjoyed many more days like this – after all Thursday’s come every week. However, the value and the splendor of that first morning is a gift I savor. I was recently given another free Thursday. There was nowhere I needed to be and nothing that had to be done. I was free. So I popped by a local coffee shop, bought myself a lemonade and a macaroon. I sipped, I read – a book I brought with because I learned early the wisdom of being prepared – and delighted in the experience. I savored and admired the sun through the window, the morning light on the park across the street, the ambient conversations that filled the room around me.

As I sat in peaceful comfort, I remembered the beauty of my first coffeeshop morning and texted Mom 2 and set a date for a call. I need a refresher course in honoring myself and in keeping my heart whole and my spirit free. The time was a rekindling and a reminder of my priorities. It allowed me to refocus my attention on my own goals and making my own heart sing. To do that requires Thursdaying – making time for my own delight and unexpected treats. It means trusting myself to walk alone and to find a path. Taking the time to savor the sweetness of right now because after all, it is fleeting. 

On the drive home from that first coffeeshop visit I felt elated and free. I felt like the happiest and most authentic version of myself. I felt like me. And it was wonderful. I am forever grateful to Mom 2 for being my bonus mom and for giving me the gift of time to find and honor myself exactly as I am, exactly who I am, and to celebrate regular days. After all, everyone has Thursdays. 

Noticing Synchronicity

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Do you ever notice when the universe is contriving for your success? At the end of the day yesterday I was scrolling through emails, attempting to clear away the clutter and give myself the gift of a clean inbox. Every so often I purge and unsubscribe, especially from services and sales that seem to perpetually be happening. It consumes a few seconds of every day but add that time up and it’s minutes every week devoted to deleting messages and notes from companies, services, or groups that I am no longer a part of or no longer interested in being as engaged with regularly. 

While in the process of going through these emails I came across one from a financial institution I use for my investments. I had seen the emails but by the time I get to it I felt like I needed one more thing to be productive today – to feel accomplished, to take something off of my list. I decided to follow a link they had been sending for at least half a year. I thought I could spare the time and so I completed the questionnaire and visited the new financial tool provider. It. Was. A. Gift. 

When I say that I don’t mean I came across a financial windfall, so don’t get too excited. However, I competed the questions and the prize was a library of tutorials, videos, and tools that I might use to become more financially aligned and literate. It is one of my goals this year to enhance our financial strategy and take the time to learn more about personal finance so that we might continue to grow healthfully and invest wisely. The universe had provided this tool months ago! I had to put the phone down to laugh and say thank you out loud. The solution was right in my inbox the entire time. But it was only by giving myself the time to see that I found it. Not every email is such a gold mine but this one was a surprise and a delight – a reminder that what we put out into the universe comes back to us. A nod to show me, once again, the universe contrives for our success. 

This one moment of synchronicity drew my attention to other areas where I was getting the help I needed but not in the shape I expected. I had wanted wellness coaching or a personal trainer and in my work inbox this morning was an email about services my employer supported healthcare program offers – both are included. Synchronicity!

My reading before bed was about the butterfly effect – how things that seem only loosely tied together contrive to create larger events. How the flap of a butterfly’s wings in the Amazon can produce a tornado in Texas. That example is extreme but synchronicity in our daily lives happens all the time. You have a song in your head and it comes on the radio; you’re thinking about an old friend and they suddenly call. These moments of serendipity show us when we are on the right path, heading in the right direction or following our proper course. And when we begin to notice them, we start to see them everywhere. 

By learning to recognize the synchronicity in our lives and clearing the clutter that can sometimes fill our inboxes, hands, and heads we make space for those things that are most aligned with our purpose and our path. It is only when our hands and hearts are open that we are free to accept all the wonders the universe has in store for us. 

What moments of synchronicity have you noticed in your own life? How has the universe revealed your path to you? Do you feel like these things are just coincidences or indicative of a higher calling?

Unlearning

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I’m eating a chocolate shortbread cookie with strawberry icing, it tastes like cold fresh jam. The flavor feels cool and refreshing on my tongue. It just feels so good to be treating myself so well.  Lately it seems as if I am actively unlearning all of the lessons trauma has taught me. I am learning to love myself and let others love me and it feels nurturing on a level I did not know I needed.

For a long time it didn’t matter if the gift was large or big – if I wanted a cookie, or a trip, or new luggage if those expenditures were for me they were too much. I could buy tickets for a flight to visit someone else, or if there was some obligation tied to the travel – then it was justifiable and there were strings of logic related to who was allowed, when it was allowed, and what was ok for me to enjoy if it was related to someone else. I could not afford to go on vacation – but my friend’s mother passed and so a four day trip to Las Vegas was acceptable because it was to comfort her. 

There was nothing too pricey for my children or my extended family but my partner was on the same level as myself – they didn’t really need anything, much like I didn’t really “need,” anything. Lately that has shifted. I am finding that I myself have wants, needs, desires that long to be met. They linger if they go unanswered for too long. My wanting new clothes, or shoes, or a bag that I will have spent hours investigating and pouring over online used to be activities that would consume me and leave me feeling unfulfilled. I felt unworthy of care but I am finding now that investing in myself, investing in the things I want is very satisfying. It gives me the freedom to stop fixating on whatever that item was and move on to living with that gift. It is interesting and sad that so much time was spent denying myself that which I wanted most.

Simple things like a sweet treat at the bakery, mid-range things like a new purse, or luggage set, an adventure or trip to some far off place that might delight or inspire me to create some new art or reimagine my priorities in a new way. These gifts help me along on my journey. They make my path more delightful, richer, and more pleasurable. Feeling that nurtured, supported, and cared for by myself inherently shifts the way I view myself and the world. 

The kindness I am showing myself transforms the way I relate to others and myself. Because I no longer save the best for someone else, or treat myself as if I am not worthy or deserving of life’s joys and pleasures, I am enjoying those delights myself. I am planting seeds in my own soil and coaxing inner growth and development first. I am not giving all of the best I have to offer away. I am nurturing myself. I am giving to me first and that is a powerful shift. It takes a little time and I am not perfect – I still have not purchased the bag or the luggage and I still haven’t booked a vacation just for my partner and me or just for myself but I’m getting there. I’m writing about it and that tells me it is important. It is something I need to do for myself. If I’ve been thinking about it for several months, in the immortal words of the Doors, “the time to hesitate is through.” I am buying the bag and then I will write about how that makes me feel. Not for a holiday or because I did some extra work that proved I am “now,” worthy. I am just buying it because I want it and because having that item will bring me joy. I’m off to purchase a suitcase and already I feel incredibly spoiled. 

What was the last simple pleasure you gave yourself?

Caring for Yourself First

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As I work toward better care of myself and tending to my own needs before tending to others I am learning so much about what I like and what pleases me. A big challenge for me is giving away that which I want most to others. If it’s a party or a gift or even a small treat, I refuse to take it for myself. I do however hold on to it and save it for someone else. I could justify the expense or the investment if it was for someone else – but never for me. 

As I do more deep dive self-work I am finding how that cycle has continued to hurt me throughout my life. It has worn me down and worn down that still small inner voice I have that calls to me to tell me what I need, what I value, what I want. And over time and after repeated years of giving that which my heart longs for most to others that inner voice has grown steadily more quiet. However, one of the great healings of this work has been the generosity of giving myself that which I want. And by giving small gifts, little indulgences here and there – maybe it’s a cookie after mediation or some quiet time out in the yard by myself – my inner voice is getting stronger, louder, and it is guiding me to exactly where I want to be and what I want to be doing. 

For years I have kept this monogramed lumbar pillow on my etsy wishlist. It is expensive and luxurious and really, it’s a decorative pillow, it serves no useful purpose. But to me it looks lovely. I think it is beautiful and elegant. Tasteful and classic, it just seemed like something I would like to have, for whatever reason. For years I have looked at this pillow and thought – in a nicer house, in someone else’s room, perhaps the next wedding invitation I will send it to someone else. And instead, today I bought it. I pulled the trigger and ordered that pillow. And I am excited for it to come. I am eager to see how it looks on my bed. I have wanted this pillow for years and instead of punishing myself for one more day by looking at it and thinking it’s beautiful but too beautiful for me, I thought I love it and I want it and now it’s mine. 

I will be one of those elegant southern ladies with a monogrammed pillow sham. I will be the owner of something classic, tasteful and refined. And deep in my heart there is this sweet singing. A gentle hum that tells me I am doing the right thing and I am nourishing something deep inside me. A need that has longed to be filled and is finally getting what it wants from me – the only person who can give me exactly what I want and need. And that is the beauty of this learning, it is the realization that I don’t have to wait for someone else to guess or get it just right on a whim. 

When I listen to my inner voice I know, deep down I know, what I want and need and I don’t need anyone else’s permission or approval to give myself those things. I can give those things to myself, be they small or large, and they will fill me up. I will satiate a deep thirst and when my cup is full to overflowing there is enough to share with others. When I feel ready I can give to other people – I do not need to steal the bread from my own mouth to give to someone else first. 

I cannot pour from an empty cup and so when I have enough then I have more than enough to give. But taking what I want and giving it to others keeps me rooted in resentment because I am giving more than I have. I am giving beyond my own boundaries and my own comfort level and that is not a gift given willingly. That is a gift given with strings attached. And I don’t want to give with strings attached any longer. I want to give from the fullness of my abundance. I want to share because I want to and I am so full, my joy so rich and large that giving or sharing with someone else will not deplete my resources. And I want to surround myself with friends who appreciate, respect, and value the reciprocity of these gifts. People who realize what it takes to share and want to share not only their gifts with me but also accept with an open heart those gifts I have available to share freely and do not want or expect that I should give to them what I have not yet offered myself and satiated my own need for first. It is that awareness, that honesty, and mutual appreciation that feeds us both that draws to us those who wish to share not to take and those that wish to give as much as they receive. And that is the zenith of this work – to love myself so dearly and deeply that I only draw towards me those that can and want to do the same. 

How do you care deeply for yourself? How do you find your circle of friends and build reciprocal relationships? Who is your best reciprocal friend?