Tag: Gratitude

Christmas Reflections

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In preparing for Christmas and this New Year – I have been so focused on where I want to be, my goals and aspirations, that I haven’t appreciated that where I am is pretty amazing. This time of year always inspires Christmas reflections and gratitude. Everything I have this year was once a dream, everything from writing this note, to where I am physically. I feel a debt of gratitude and recognition of what we have been able to build in the last twelve months. We have accomplished a lot this year. But before rushing to list those things I want to be present. Being here in whatever this suspended time of the year is for all of us.

The time and space after the build up to Christmas, the lull, and almost comatose vegging out of the week between Christmas and New Years. There is no need to purchase anything, we are dining on left-overs. We are hungover from all of the traditional social interactions and family gossip. Thinking about the year to come or not thinking at all. Watching too many Hallmark movies and just being still. What an absolute gift to ourselves. It is a joy to be able to rest and to feel no obligation to instruct, guide, or lead. We are simply present and maybe only vaguely aware – the days blend together and all of it melds peacefully into one restive blob. 

This year I am grateful for our first year in our new home, I’m grateful for health, and I’m grateful for rest. I’m grateful that my family is here around me. I’m grateful we have each other and that we are able to celebrate the holidays together. Grateful for quiet afternoons, naps, and ease. I am grateful to myself for taking this time and not pressuring myself to be productive. 

I am so grateful for relaxing family nights and the joy of sharing a family meal. I am glad for what we have and what we share. Every night this week we have prepared a meal from scratch. Some meals are more ornate and involved than others. But most are simple family recipes that are our own traditions. “Oh Christmas Bahn Mi,” and Grandma’s Chicken Parmesan.

These are delicious and filling meals that not only satisfy our need for dinner but will also make enough to freeze. This is a gift we give ourselves. Before we are in that zone of too much presents, food, and dessert we cook. That way when all we are seeking is a Christmas carrot – there will still be food prepared that requires no effort. We simply warm it up and we are nourished and satisfied. What a gift this time is to rest, relax and deeply nourish ourselves and our families. 

We often spoil each other with gifts and treats. When really, the gift we all want is to watch an old movie, to rest and relax together. We want to be our honest and unguarded selves. Our only goal is to luxuriate in the slower pace and feel no obligation to rush, attend to, or show up for anyone or anything else. Just to simply be peaceful, easy, and home. 

And maybe that’s what I’m writing about after all. These Christmas reflections are about finding home where ever we are and with whomever we choose. The creation of safety, peace, and security. The gift of protection, honesty, new traditions and old melding into the creation of home. We are grateful for building a life and space where everyone is loved and accepted exactly as they are and loved.

We are all so deeply loved and I don’t know what to call it. This may not even have a name but it feels safe, cozy, hygge, health, love, warmth, ease, peace, and tenderness. Whatever the German word for this is, I feel it deep in my soul. I am content and I am happy. This is all I’ve been looking for all my life, and here I have it. More than anything I hope you do too. Here in this virtual living room I hope you feel it. You are all so welcome here, I love you, I’m glad you came, let’s watch another movie.

Friendsgiving

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Our friends are packing up and making their ways to our home as I type. We started cooking last night and prepared all of the dishes in advance. I am about to pop downstairs to put out the appetizers. Everything else is warmed, the house is clean, and it’s time to get dressed. I am feeling this urge to wear clothes that are not for going out but for staying cozy at home. I suspect that I feel this way because I am finally spending time with people who feel like true friends. This Friendsgiving I am eager and excited but I am also calm and comfortable. 

Sharing my space with people who I like and admire feels good. We’re setting the tone for days to come – intentionally choosing our company, our relationships, and to honor ourselves before we honor obligations. It can be tricky this time of year!

The day has been wonderful and fulfilling. To be surrounded by those that mean the most to me and to share this time with them is invaluable. And I am grateful. It is a gift to have time for meditation that puts me in the exact right frame of mind and I am grateful for my partner who helps, leads, and loves with the purest and most beautiful heart. Although my children are full of excited and frenetic energy this afternoon they are also full of thoughtful gestures like reading together. If you’re wondering it’s, “The boy, the Mole, the Horse, and the Fox,” it is a perfect day for that book. If you haven’t yet, I hope you’ll read it!

It snowed this morning, my eldest put Christmas music on for the first time this season and we are about to have company over – I cannot wait. What a gift to be here and now, present and imperfect in this moment. I am sending my hugs and hopes that this season lands gently. That you enjoy everything as you wish and you honor yourself first. Celebrating the season however you see fit and in whatever way brings you contentment and joy.

Savor and Celebrate the Life We Have

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Today I am thinking about creating the life I want. Having so many goals and projects in the works can sometimes feel overwhelming. I want to build and create while also making time to nurture relationships and live my life. I often check in on myself to be sure that I am not just accomplishing, completing, or “working,” rather than living. 

I don’t want to be distracted for the best times of my life and unfortunately that’s really easy to do. In a culture that glorifies “busy,” it’s easy to be consumed with productivity. We’re trying to make a home, raising kids, and all of it feels like it’s big and important. We’re sprinting through the seasons sometimes and it seems that no sooner is one task complete than there are five, or fifteen, more to fill it.

Remember Your Goals

What helps me to get out of the hamster wheel and see the big picture is reminding myself that all of this was once a dream. A beautiful home, a healthy family, a partner I love and admire – all of these were items on a wish list that I once imagined for myself. 

I distinctly remember a morning in Chicago, driving from my aunt’s apartment downtown back to my college dorm in Rodgers Park. Thinking I’d like to work in a city but have a country home where I raised my family and did my writing. I like the idea of being near a large metropolis while also distant from other people. A chateau or country estate sounded perfect to me.

Find Where You Are

Flash forward fifteen years and here we are in our country home, mouse problems and all. We’re savoring sunsets, active in our local community, and live in a small town where we know people and are known pretty much everywhere we go. It feels so comfortable and also magical that this life I imagined one morning in undergrad is here. I dreamt of this time and this place. Having imagined this moment in my life, now that I’m here I want to savor it. I want to cherish what I have while still pursuing what comes next. 

Savor & Celebrate Your Progress

For me savoring looks like a cup of tea and a long lunch with my partner. It looks like giving our dog some extra love and attention. Sitting in the sun and meditating so that I am fully present here and now. It feels like hyyge – making myself comfortable and writing to express my thoughts and process my emotions. It is being still and listening to my children as they drift off to sleep. Extra kisses on soft cheeks and all the snuggles I can possibly fit into a day. It is “one more minute,” of play when I can give it and boundaries when I cannot. And taking care of myself so that I am here for a very long time to savor and celebrate a long life. If you’re looking for some tools to find your own focal points there’s a great guide here.

Notice What Fills You and Follow It

This life is about creating spaces where I am comfortable, inspired, held and free. Finding a way to make every hope, wish, and dream I have come true because when I am building and growing, and reading good books I feel whole. Eating good foods and traveling, inspires me and stretches my wings. Learning new things fills me up and keeps me interested and engaged. I am forever looking forward to all of the good that is here now, and all of the wonderful that is yet to come.

With the fall winds upon us our windows and doors are blanketed in ladybugs. Every one that lands and stays, every one that I must pick up and place outside drenches me in good luck and positive thoughts. I am fortunate, blessed, grateful for all that I have and eager to see what comes next! 

How do you savor and celebrate life’s special moments? What times have been your favorites? What sacred dream are you pursuing now?

Positive Morning Routine

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I have recently transformed my morning routine. Based on recent research I have formulated a new strategy for shifting my perspective. More about the science of this research here. I found that when I started my day it often began with to do list items and whatever conflict or negative pain point was most impactful in my life at the moment. Despite all of the wonderful things happening in world there was always something stuck in my craw. When I started my day this way I just felt like it snowballed. Instead of paying attention to the good things – I was seeing only conflict, negativity, and unmet expectations. So I decided to shift and create my own positive morning routine.

Here’s what I do now to brighten my mood at the beginning of my day. I’ve noticed that even on days when I have a heavier mental load to lift I find it hard to get back to powerlessness or frustration after doing this exercise. This is a writing practice. I’ve mentioned before that writing my morning pages helps me to sort out my emotions and ground myself each morning. To learn more about those, please check out my blog on morning pages and the genius of Julia Cameron’s work. 

Purge – I begin by purging, that first paragraph or two are just my dumping whatever mental load I am carrying, if it’s stress about work, a toothache, or family drama. All of it just gets dropped. This way it won’t need to distract me from what I do next. 

5 Affirmations – I write out five things that I love about myself or that I need to hear.

  1. I am strong – I can face any challenge in my path.
  2. The universe needs me and my work.
  3. Using my creativity is my gift to the universe.
  4. I am brilliant, bright, and bold.
  5. My work is necessary and important – no one else will do this work like me.

3 Anticipations – Things I’m looking forward to doing. These don’t have to be big or momentous – it could just be clean sheet night!

  1. Family dinner tonight.
  2. Sleepy cuddles from my kiddos when they wake.
  3. It’s sunny and I get to go to the pool today!

3 Gratitudes – This can be specific or broad. I included some vague ones below to help you get started. Though, I am truthfully grateful for those things too.

  1. My health.
  2. My family.
  3. Sunshine and blue skies.

One good thing that has happened in the last 24 hours. Just a few sentences here to remind myself of the good things that have happened in my day. This simple step helps my brain to look for the patterns of good things that go on in my life and not just the negative ones!

After I write out these things I find it’s really difficult to slip back into negativity. I find myself writing more about what I’m proud of myself for doing, who I’d like to spend more time with, or how I can improve or grow. This transformation reshapes my day, my perspective, and my mood. It invites me to begin from a place of peace, centeredness and joy. Instead of guilt or anger I am greeting my day with gratitude, anticipation, and full of love. If you try this positive morning routine please let me know how it works for you!

Staying Grounded in Gratitude

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Today is a cold and blustery day. A couple days ago we were savoring the sun and letting it pour into the windows and shine on our faces. Today we are bundled up and seeking out home improvements. Usually in the summer it is the landscaping and the yard that gets most of our attention. When it is unseasonably and unexpectedly cool we start updating the interior of our home. This weekend we will be stripping our closet and taking out the current organization system – a couple of rods and shelves. And while this is progress, it is not lying on the beach. That said, I try to stay grateful for where I am in this moment. Everything I have was once a much longed for dream. While I do have hopes that go beyond this project, I am firmly grounded in gratitude to be here now.

This week has been full of dramatic rises and falls in the family mood and energy, just like the weather. Fortunately we are feeling more at ease. New opportunities and exciting prospects are leveling out. We are not down but we are calm and we stay grounded in gratitude. A friend once described life like a wave. The goal is not to be either riding the crest or in the hallow feeling depressed. The goal in wave riding life is to find comfort in the middle and seek balance. It’s a good idea to stay in humility and humbleness because either you are in gratitude or the universe is on its way to remind you to be.

As I release my second novel – Treading Water July 2022 – I am humbled by all of the hard work and dedication that went into this book. The novel is one that I have read, re-read, edited, and thought through exhaustively for five years. It is ready to launch. I am so hopeful to see the lives that it will touch and how it will reshape the world with its existence. I am eager to hear your thoughts on it too!

But even as I get excited I am staying grounded in gratitude that I have made it this far. I am grateful that I get to write books and that the tools exist so that I can create them on my own terms. It is a joy and an honor that readers let my words into their lives. To choose to invest your time and energy in reading something I have created is a privilege I do not take for granted. When you look at or choose a piece of art I have painted for your own collection, it thrills me. I can’t imagine what you will see, read, or take away from the art I create. It is a joy and an honor to be a part of that process. I am truly grateful that I get to do this work. 

On this windy and chilly day I hope you’ll take the time to do whatever comes next for you. If it’s some small home projects, a gratitude exercise, or simply cuddling up with a good book. I hope wherever you are you feel fortunate and grateful for all of the wonderful gifts you enjoy. I know I am grateful for you.

What dreams have you seen blossom in your own life? What are you most grateful for today?

Did You Have Fun?

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Opportunities vs. Obligations

I strive to give myself the gift of peace and spaciousness. I seek to complete only those tasks that are truly necessary. Freeing myself from the responsibility to do things simply because other people expect them. I am making space for the connections that fuel and fill my heart. I am focusing on reciprocity.

Perhaps you do this too? Where you work so hard to please others or to be “kind,” that you sometimes find yourself overstepping your boundaries. You realize suddenly you’re giving more than your fair share to projects, work, to social engagements. Involvement in clubs, groups, or events snowballs quickly. We are taken out of the moment, distracted with planning, orchestrating, and completing tasks. These obligations can keep us from being fully present. 

Not every dinner or occasion deserves to be treated like a diplomatic engagement. Not every event requires choreographed time tables, speeches, and appropriate attire, decor, and entertainment. These are all unnecessary extras that keep us busy rather than give us the freedom to engage. We get caught up in minutia. “Is it time for cake?” “Does everyone have a plate?” “Are we out of ice?” that we completely miss the milestone events that we were hoping to celebrate in the first place.

I have lost countless birthday parties and luncheons in the ethos of control and making it so nice for everyone else that I forget to enjoy myself. One question that stops me in my tracks, “Did you have fun?” The question is so simple but if I truly reflect on the event – the decor and seating arrangements were lovely, the setting and scenery were beautiful, all of it was an exercise in elegance and loveliness. But did I have fun? Or was I sitting on pins and needles because I wanted to impress other people? By asking this question I am making the distinction between is this event an opportunity for fun or is it an obligation?

I have a new practice to conside first, if I am enjoying myself or if I am simply performing kindness because I wish to be perceived as kind. I no longer wish to engage in situations wherein I am not having fun. If I am not treated well or find the people who will be in attendance anything less than delightful, kind, or welcoming – I’ll simply stay home or find an alternative. It is sad to miss events where some of the people I like and admire will be present but I would much rather be true to myself and honest about what I’m feeling than put a mask on and pretend when truly I am uncomfortable and on edge. 

Being excited to be somewhere and having a good time are two different things. I am grateful that I am learning the difference as I age. This way I am able to build and craft the life that I want. I have learned to put myself first and stop placing myself in uncomfortable or undesirable situations simply because it will make someone else happy. I have no interest in putting others first at a cost to myself. It is a new day and I am making time for me and mine, everything else is icing. 

Being Where We Are

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Today I am thinking with gratitude about where I am in this moment. This feeling is not about where I’m going or about how far I have come. It is about being fully present exactly where I am right now. How, even if I accomplish nothing else today or even in this life, if all I do is continue on the path I am currently walking, that will be enough. I already am enough. You are already enough.

There’s a lot of convoluted and conflicting messaging out there about how having value or being our, “best selves” includes the pursuit of goals or the manifestation of a dream life. And yes, even here I talk about using those tools if you’re interested growing, learning, or striving for something different for yourself. But I’d like to take a minute to reaffirm the message that all of those decisions and opportunities are optional. They are not necessary for you to be whole or happy. They are not necessary to living a deep and rich life full of meaning and connection. All we ever need is to offer ourselves our own unconditional love – not because we accomplished a goal or reach a particular milestone – but simply for existing.

Even if we do nothing else in life but unconditionally love ourselves and treat ourselves kindly, that is enough. It is more than enough and it is all that is necessary. We are often encouraged to look outside of ourselves to locate our value. Marketing is created to lure us to repair some external feature because then we may we worthy. We are marketed to and sold to – buy this cream to fix this blemish or fault that someone else might judge you for having. Instead, today let’s look inside ourselves and locate our own inner compasses. We don’t owe perfection to anyone. We don’t owe modification to anyone. Nor do we ever have to change ourselves to fit some societally imposed or marketing-imposed version of ourselves that is more palatable or desirable to others. We only need to be honest and true to ourselves.

We are perfect as we are, where we are, right here and right now. What a gift to know that our worth is beyond questioning and that our value comes from within not without. And on that theme we are not without anything, everything we need we already have. You are loved, valued, and perfect exactly as you are right now. We all are and isn’t that magnificent? 

Trusting the Universe and it’s Timing

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Some days I get impatient with my blessings. I want certain things to arrive by a specific date. Or I am tired of waiting because I want something fun and exciting to start. But as I do this I am wishing away the joy of the moment. I am envisioning some better tomorrow when what I have and what I only have ever – is this moment right now. Wishing for another day so some future pleasure or experience to delight me distracts from the wonder and the beauty of the present moment. It’s what Daniel Tiger calls, “Enjoy the Wow in the Now.”

Those words are magic at our house – and so apropos particularly when talking with our children. They are so eager for dessert, a family movie night, or for the weekend that it’s easy to forget that what they’re doing in the moment is pretty lovely too – eating a home cooked meal with family, reading and cuddling on the couch, or on their way to practice a sport or activity that they love. As an adult it’s pretty easy to get caught up in this mindset too – constantly wishing and hoping for what comes next and forgetting to enjoy the moment. Particularly because everything that I once dreamed of I am enjoying now. 

My entire life was once a hope and a dream that has manifested before me. I was speaking with my Grandmother recently and we were going through so old family papers, mixed in the pile was a letter she had sent as a young mother to her own mother on vacation in Florida. She wrote of the schedule her children were keeping that week and as I read she laughed. She said, “I have no idea how I kept track of all of that!”

The woman raised eight children and the list of activities, cub scout meetings, instrument practices, lessons, and dinners was incredible – what impressed me even more was that not only did she have time to remember all of those things but she sent dinner over for her mother’s neighbors, picked up the mail at her mom’s house, and had time to write the letter I was now reading. The woman is a legend. And in all honesty even with email reminders, my various calendars, and sticky notes I can barely keep track of our sweet little family of four let alone, juggling which kid was given permission to borrow the car and what lessons they were delivering the rest to attend before going to work. 

My grandmother says those were the happiest time in her life, those days when she was so busy she just did things all day. And she points out that she didn’t know it then. Because how could she have? I think it’s a wonder she even brushed her teeth or remembered to comb her hair. And yet she did it all, she wore lovely dresses, was an active member of her church, President of the Mother’s Club at her son’s school, and a devoted and loving parent and partner. When I look at a life like hers I am struck by how she must have lived in the moment. She must have remained focused on each task as a single step. 

I am not jealous or eager to replicate her “Busy,” but what I believe the pace of her life did was force her to be in the moment. She didn’t have an opportunity to focus on the future or to strategize because with so many moving parts, pieces, people, she had to be fully present exactly where she was at that moment. And that is what I strive to remember.

When I am longing for the future or eager to skip ahead to the part where I’m a famous writer, traveling in private jets, appearing on talk shows to discuss my work, and speaking to large groups to share what I have learned along the way I try to remember that the magic is happening right now. The magic is in my son inviting me to come play with him. The magic is in the moment as I write these words. The magic is not some distant goal or dream – which will come whenever the universe and I am ready, I have no doubt. The magic is in enjoying this moment – the process of writing, the delight that comes when my child and I are playing in our imaginations together, and the very real and sacred beauty that exists in the here and now. The silence of my studio, the warm glow of the light at my side, the rumble in my tummy that tells me it’s time for dinner. All of this is a gift for which I am truly grateful. This life is so wonderful and there will be more amazing and wonderful things to come however the most magic exists in the here and now and the best thing I can do is be present and savor it because this is truly the best time of my life and the only time I have to live it.

Staying Present: Opossum Invasion

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We’ve been invaded. The double edged sword of living in such close proximity to nature. We love the beautiful trees, the expansive vistas and looking out our windows at nothing but green leaves and sky. But this also means we are right in nature’s lap. The first things our neighbors warned us to watch out for was the wildlife. Our yard is apparently a parade route for foxes, coyotes, and a family of albino opossums – just to name a few. 

This afternoon I took the dog out and walked into the garage when I decided to check on my son’s toys. The door from the house to the garage was not closed tightly and I wondered if he had perhaps left a mess that might inadvertently result in one of his toys being run over or someone tripping. While looking on the far side of the garage I noticed that our blinds had fallen. Then I noticed a face looking back at me. 

A distinctly rodent face that looked too large to be a mouse but was shaped like one. It looked lighter in coloration so either an albino opossum child or a rat. The doleful and kindly eyes lead me to believe it was an opossum but I promptly moved to open the garage to let whatever it was escape – as it was clearly attempting to do through the window.

The garage door is open and I am now reflecting on what items will need to be brought in from the garage – which items I hope and pray have not been nibbled or burrowed in or soiled. Shoes, toys, golf clubs, my hope is that the little invader was only in there for the night and is just hungry and trying to find their way home to their family. Still the idea of some animal in and among my things uninvited makes me squirm. I do not like rodents and least of all rodents in my space and unexpectedly wreaking havoc in my home. Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck. 

I know it is we who are at fault as it must have wandered in while we were outside in the yard. I hope it did not make its own way into the garage as that opens up a whole new crop of items to address. Still if it has, we will deal with it and I am grateful to have learned this lesson so early and in the spring months. I am grateful that it was me who found the intruder and not one of my children who could have been scared or worse yet bitten just because they didn’t know the animal was there and scared it. I’m grateful that we have the ability to send the little beast on its way without harm. I’m grateful that we live in this area and delighted that nature always finds a way. 

I have been searching my lawn night and day these last few weeks hoping to catch a glimpse of a fox, coyote, deer, or opossum and the sweet little darlings brought the show to me. God has a sense of humor. These are the unexpected moments that truly make us feel alive and bring us into the present. There’s nowhere else to be when confronted with a furry faced friend in the dark of a garage. I hope it finds its way home safely. I hope I did not scare it too much with the noise of the garage door and yelling for my partner. I’m grateful for the lesson and will be glad to take it with me as we forge into spring – oh the gifts are many. I’m so glad we’re learning them now. 

What lessons has nature taught you recently? 

Abundance and Gratitude at Thanksgiving

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Today as we prepare for the coming Thanksgiving holiday and all the bounty of harvest, hearth, and home, I am reflecting on abundance. I am reflecting on the wealth and beauty that we have in our possession already. I am full. I know I often reflect on gratitude and this is the perfect week to remember all of those things and people that I am grateful to have an hold. I also want to hold still and absorb the abundance of joy and connection this time of year brings. 

Like many of our holidays since COVID-19 took hold nearly two years ago this year’s celebrations will be scaled back and shaped differently than years before. On Thanksgiving 2020 we took a totally different route to our celebrations. We usually gather with extended family and even borrow chairs from the local funeral home to accommodate the crowd that gathers at our long tables. Last year, instead of that annual gathering of cousins, family, friends, and long lost relatives we stayed home. We hosted no-one and celebrated our own small family gathering. It was gorgeous. I broke out the fine china, used a fresh cocktail recipe, and old traditional foods. Everything was smaller than usual, but it’s intimacy made the experience so much richer.

Because there were so few of us, we did not have the constant flow of conversation or people popping in and out, we prepared our meal, dressed for dinner, and when the days preparations were done in the blink of an eye we let the children bathe and put their jammies on early. We decorated the tree, we savored each  other’s company and when we toasted our health we truly meant it. Our time as a family took on a new sacredness under the light of our small hearth and the glow of Christmas lights. 

This year we have yet to determine how we will celebrate the day. Like many families, not everyone in our circle is vaccinated and while our children cannot yet be vaccinated we will not be gathering. Instead of seeing this as a disappointment, we are going to focus on our good fortune. How lucky are we that we have so many people in our lives with whom we wish to spend the day? How fortunate we are to have enough to food to share. We are truly blessed with health and love. We are surrounded by the spirits of those who have gone before us and by the love that fills each of our hearts when we are together as well as when we are apart. We are also fortunate to know and love so many people with so many perspectives. The diversity of our community is what makes us all stronger. 

I am grateful for all of these things and more. I am surrounded by wealth and abundance. It is my good fortune and joy that there is so much food, family, love, and light to share on these shorter and shorter days. There is nothing easy about this disease but it has given us a new perspective. It has given us back to the outdoors and spending time outside with friends. It has given us opportunities to deepen our connections with those friends and family that truly fill us up. And it has given us the time to draw comfort and consolation from the world by rekindling the love we build in our homes. How fortunate we all are and how grateful I am that this season is upon us and that we have such an abundance of blessings to celebrate together either virtually or just in our hearts. 

What are you looking forward to this holiday season? Are vaccinations making it easier or harder for you to gather with loved ones? What are you most grateful for this year?