Tag: health

Change Your Environment Improve Your Life

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I refuse to embrace the stagnation of the winter months. During the winter doldrums we all move more slowly and hunker down to brace for the storm. Lately, I’ve taken the opposite approach. Instead of settling in – since the weather has been wavering between freezing and the mid-fifties – I’ve found myself gearing up instead. We re-upholstered our headboard, added a new rug to our master bedroom, and installed a new towel rack and soap dispenser in our bathrooms. Small changes are part of making life more pleasant and easier. They make our home more cozy and life more splendid without a lot of effort.

None of these changes are in any sense major. They’re quick fixes. The low hanging fruit of home renovation. We didn’t knock down walls, or restructure. We didn’t even crack a can of paint. But we did add some simple updates that make our lives more comfortable. As we are in the midst of some unseasonably warmer temperatures it feels so nice to have some fresh creature comforts. Especially, when we know that colder weather is coming and we will be spending more time indoors in the days to come. It feels like a treat to have our home be a place of refuge and ease. 

Making your home more comfortable doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking. It can be as simple as reorganizing the pantry or updating switch plates so that they all match. (We’re still not there with this activity at our house but the intention remains!) These small adjustments impact the way we feel as we go through our regular routines. Small updates don’t dramatically change the way we live our lives but they do enhance the way that we feel each day. So if your shift is a major remodel, or even as simple as dusting your bedside table, these changes greatly impact the way we feel each day.

When we show love to ourselves it makes us all feel better. When you have the opportunity to update something small that touches your daily life you feel cared for. And not by anyone else. I think part of what makes these things feel so good is that we did them for ourselves. So often we give in to the temptation to put off taking care of ourselves. We prioritize taking care of others or saving money. However, updates do not need to be revolutionary in order to be meaningful. Making small practices sweeter, showing love and generosity to yourself in those every day rituals creates far more lasting and enriching impact on the quality of our lives. 

I’ve already noticed that those few small changes already have me thinking about what comes next. As we do things that bring ourselves joy we begin to build a life that is full of simple delights and pleasures. And isn’t that what living a joyful life is about? It isn’t about big events or ceremonies, the every day rituals of a full and rich life bring us far more happiness than any one event. 

What’s one small change you can make in your home or in your life that might make your days brighter? Are there any areas where a little cleaning or even a little love might make your everyday more pleasant?

Give Yourself the Gift of More Rest

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I have been feeling somewhat under the weather lately, nothing more than a little fall cold. As my immune system goes into battle it brings to mind the phrase – starve a fever, feed a cold. Has anyone else heard this old saying? For me it always makes me crave wonton soup. Because whenever I am not feeling well the last thing I want to do is cook. So it’s takeout for me so I can give myself the gift of more rest.

That said, as we’re heading into cold and flu season let me first remind you to get your flu shot and any boosters due. Take care of yourself and your health first. Secondly, rest. Typically when I start feeling sick I rush to get a ton of items off of my to do list. My worry over how long I’ll be feeling unwell and not wanting to be without any needed supplies leads to a surge of activity. I’m ordering groceries, preparing large meals so there’s something left to freeze, shooting off emails, and ordering tea. These are all helpful steps but sometimes what we need is not to rush headlong into exhaustion, on top of not feeling our best. 

The most generous gif the can give ourselves when we start feeling a little down is rest. To lay down, put on a movie and cuddle up on the couch. You don’t have to solve every problem or take care of every little detail (your Christmas list will write itself when the time comes). Just cozy yourself, grab a blanket, a good book, and fall asleep reading it. 

Look, I’m not a doctor but I do know that when your body is fighting off illness one of the best things you can do for it is give it the energy it needs. Order Chinese, eat some hot soup, and sleep it off. I don’t know the science to it but it will help you to feel better. I’ll look up the science too if that will make you feel better. After you read it, take a good long nap. Get a little rest tonight, go to be early, have a good sleep. And see if everything doesn’t look just a little bit better in the morning, your Christmas list included. 🙂

Fall Contentment and Cookery

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As the leaves begin to turn and the air takes on a bittersweet tinge of coolness I find myself called to comfort, hygge, reflection, and gratitude. Instead of rushing towards whatever comes next or pursuing or manifesting, or doing any of the things that are future based, this time of year brings me uniquely to where I am now. A Nancy Myers, Norah Ephron, dreamscape comes to mind. I am not interested in pursuing something else. Focused on contentment – I appreciate all I have and my gratitude to be here in this moment.

I recently read “The Monkey’s Paw,” a haunting short story by W.W. Wells. A friend mentioned it in conversation as required high school reading – not in my high school! So I promptly requested the book from the library. The book found its way into my hands just in time for the haunting pre-Halloween season. I read the short story with relish and it’s message rings true – to be grateful and happy for all we have rather than pushing for even more. 

To be clear, this is NOT an excuse to stay in a crummy job or unhealthy relationship. I am only suggesting that sometimes we forget the greatness of the moment by always looking to the future. My in-laws recently delivered an abundance of late season tomatoes to my doorstep. When I say abundance, think bankers box full of romas! I spent an entire day in the kitchen, roasting tomatoes and drying herbs, baking zucchini bread and generally preparing for the months ahead. 

In fall I love to bake and cook. I made tomato soup from scratch, Swedish meatballs, and merengues. When one recipe calls for an egg yolk, it is only appropriate to use the other half of the egg for cookies. I wear my great grandmother’s apron and invite my children into the kitchen to help. We listen to music and dance in the kitchen. The taste of a good batch of soup, the gratitude I feel that my partner does the dishes while I wipe down the counters is magic. 

This ritual is as healing as it is healthful. I get to be cozy in my kitchen, preparing meals that nourish and satisfy our family’s needs. The easier the better! When the meal is complete and we only need heat it up I feel as if I have given a true gift to my future self. 

Therefore as we welcome the new season and begin the process of creating hygge in our homes, hunkering down for the long winter months. I am celebrating the harvest and delighting in the abundance of our garden. Filling our freezer with delicious homemade meals that will make us feel rich, happy, and well fed. I prepare recipes that remind me of my own childhood. Those traditions ground me. This season will bring everything I need and more. I am not looking for anything additional – I am simply savoring all that I have. I do not need any wishes or a magical talisman, I have everything I need right here. And if you were to look around, I suspect you do too! 

Intentional Time Management

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This afternoon I went grocery shopping. This statement alone really means nothing. But if I tell you it was a local farmstead and local open air market then you might appreciate that this was not a typical experience. First of all I went in the middle of the day. Second this is the sort of place that does not even take credit cards but only operates in cash and check. In 2023. And so when I begin to tell you of the delight I experienced in choosing my fruits – juicy and lush plums, bags of cherries before the season comes to a close, huge containers of blueberries and strawberries at prices that make me question why or how I could ever consider shopping somewhere else. And piles, absolute piles of fresh corn, potatoes, and made from scratch pastries that just set my heart on fire. 

Early fall and harvest time always bring me joy. And savoring the delights of summer by indulging in fresh produce is a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s why we order groceries in the first place. I get distracted by the bounty and abundance in the produce section. Typically coming home without the practical foods that we need to prepare for our daily meals. And really, while I know that is an inconvenience, I would still argue that this is not a flaw. 

I am passionate about fresh and delicious food but I often find myself ill equipped to provide it. So often we’re pushing ourselves to complete dinner so that we can eat and get to the next thing. Eating itself becomes a task on a list and not an opportunity to unwind, enjoy, and savor. This happens to us all when we feel like we have so much to do and so little time. 

Lately I have been reading about time management. How in striving to complete tasks quickly we rob ourselves of the opportunity to savor and enjoy the bounty that surrounds us. Our agendas rob us of experiencing the moment. And the way we make more time for ourselves and what we love is that we simply do them.

The rest of life – the email responses, the tidying up of kitchens, will either get done or not. But rushing through the pleasures of our life only makes more time for these rudimentary tasks that are themselves endless. Because no sooner will you send an email than you will get one back. Or no quicker do you wipe down the counter than someone spills a drink. 

When we choose to take our time doing the things we love our life unfolds at a more natural pace. It begins to feel as if we have more time. For me it’s a lazy stroll through the market where I buy more fruit than one family can possibly consume. These simple joys fill my basket and my heart. The time used to treat myself leads to even more time doing the things I love. Because now I get to make zucchini bread, and eat blueberry pancakes. These simple delights blossom from one lovely occasion to many more very quickly. And instead of rushing home to complete the mundane I now feel excited. Choosing to follow my own rhythm I find myself enjoying life and that feels like the point. 

Be Your Own Hero

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What we choose to focus on and give our attention to will be our perspective. If we fixate on what offends us that is all we will see in the world. Much like when watching television you are in control of the channel. If you don’t like what’s on, you have the right and the responsibility to change it. Choose your your viewpoints rather than be pressed or depressed by them. Norah Ephron wrote, “Always be the heroine of your own story, never the victim.”

We often get caught up in the idea of a knight in shining armor. A Robin Hood, that will waltz in at the right moment to save us from our fates. But as President Obama once said, “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” It’s us. We are the ones who are going to have to do the work of saving ourselves and of making our own lives more beautiful.

The first step is looking honestly at your life and deciding if there is something you can change. If you have conflict that is hurting your heart it’s ok to take a break. A quick way to know if this is happening is to check your text messages – if the top five conversations contain negative comments or complaints you have a choice to make. You can choose to continue to feel victimized by the situation or you can choose to get out of it. 

The fist step is to decide you want to do something differently. It is both as easy and as hard as it sounds. I am a firm believer that you can run away from your problems. If a particular group or friend feels as if they are taking more from you than they are giving back it’s ok to walk away. It is also ok to take space and time to heal before you return to that relationship, if you ever do. If you’re unsure I would encourage a cooling off period. This will give you time to assess, reflect, and calm down before you make a decision. The answer is already in you.

Setting boundaries is one excellent way that you can keep someone in your life while also getting your needs met. Boundaries exist to assure that we all feel safe and supported in our relationships. When someone gives you a boundary they are telling you that they want you in their lives and this is one way in which they can see that happening. 

Another great way to shift your perspective is to talk to a therapist or counselor, someone who can give you the tools to process your emotions and work through your feelings. You don’t need to inform others if you choose therapy. Though it has become somewhat a badge of honor these days. The work you do with your therapist or counselor is private and personal. They are able to provide the care that you need to heal or locate the root of your issue. It’s easy to keep having the same fight, it’s a lot harder to determine what situations feel unsafe or undesirable to you. With therapy and boundaries you may be able to heal and find a healthy way to engage with others.

Life can be hard but it is also a lovely and beautiful experience. If you’re feeling more miserable than joyful it’s a good idea to talk with someone you trust. There may be a medicinal solution that works for you or a therapeutic treatment that enables you to live the life you want that includes the people and experiences you want most in your life. When we choose to take care of ourselves we choose joy. And when we feel joyful, healed, and healthy we start to draw the right people, situations, and events into our lives. I can thinking of nothing more heroic than that.

Rain and Awe

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Rain is impressive in its tenderness and its force. It can be graceful and calming. Storms may also rattle our windows and send our pets scampering for shelter. It is the peaceful and gentle falling of water that I embrace today. That is the energy I am bringing to life this week. I am not pushing ahead in fury and fear. I am simply lingering in the rain. 


Feeling the water splash down on my face like a gentle blessing my awareness is of how each and every rain drop is a gift. I am lucky enough to be here to enjoy it. Breathing deep to savor this moment I do not have to rush to get to my next appointment or goal. I am hopeful and I am also patient. 

Pausing in these transitional moments allows us to reframe and refocus. When we give ourselves time to enjoy the present moment and appreciate its magnitude we are also adding to our health and wellbeing. Research shows, “awe is critical to our well-being — just like joy, contentment‌ and love.” And awe is available to all of us in our everyday lives. We need not seek it out – by spending a lot of money or traveling to far off lands, though that may inspire awe as well – we can find awe in small moments in regular life.


It is a gift to be humbled by the weather and to be reminded how very small we all are. In our smallness we are free to absorb the sensation of awe as we witness the miracle of this planet. These are the moments that make hearts sing and open us up to things that are new, simple and powerful. Wee are experiencing not just an abundance of emotion but an expansion of joy that we are finally in a position to absorb and appreciate.

Where do you find awe in your daily life?

You Are Enough

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My offering today is not to direct or instruct but to share some hard-won wisdom. You are enough exactly as you are. You have all of the skills, talents, and experiences required to do everything that needs to be done. Even as we strive to grow and improve, never forget that you are completely perfect, exactly as you are right now. You are enough.

It is necessary and important to take care of yourself and to take your time. There is no race. There is no accomplishment that is more valuable or necessary than your own personal wellness and wellbeing. Taking care of your needs first – if that is mental health, doctors appointments, or just taking a break – these are your priorities. There is no power in exhaustion or depletion. And it does not serve you to do too much. Trust that those you are surrounded by may be relied upon. Let others lift you up and support you. Give other people the opportunity to surprise, delight, and share their gifts with you. 

Let yourself do less. So often our culture of consumption guides us to do more, be more productive, purchase more goods, be involved in more projects. But the answers lie in less. Consume less. Do less. Be involved in fewer things. Give yourself space and time to rest, to learn, to gather your thoughts before you push yourself to accomplish or acquire one more thing. Let yourself be done. Let yourself have enough. What you have is ok. You are enough as you are one this moment. And you don’t need to change, develop, learn or grow any more. Be satiated. Be satisfied. And let yourself enjoy the pleasure of arriving exactly as you are, where you are, right now. 

Changing your Luck

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Whether you are a religious person or not many of us have heard the sentiment, “Let Go, Let God.” The suggestion is used to remind us to release the illusion of control. The simple desire to have things in our lives go well, or go “right,’ leads us to the image of ourselves at the center of the universe. This perception leads us to believe that we are in some way controlling what comes to us and into our lives. And we can’t control the universe but we can control our actions and by shifting our patters we can absolutely change our luck.

We are often told to be attentive to our thoughts as that is what will be drawn into your life. A study was done on this concept of mindset and opportunity. The researchers collected several individuals who considered themselves both lucky and unlucky. The researchers told their subjects to go get a morning coffee. What the researchers did not tell the subjects was that they had left five dollars on the floor of the coffee shop.

The majority of people who considered themselves unlucky did not even see the money on the ground. They reported having an uneventful or average morning. The individuals who considered themselves lucky noticed the money and picked it up. They also did something else – they paid it forward. They added the money to the tip jar or bought a stranger in line behind them their drink. Many of the people who considered themselves lucky made new friends or business connections by sharing the money they found. Almost all of them both found the money and used it to do some good for others which resulted in a boomerang effect. Because they sent light, joy, goodness, out into the world, they also received that same energy back. They considered this how the universe works.

Therefore, just as we can practice smiling to put ourselves in a good mood. We can also fake the control we have over the universe by putting some goodness out into it. Perhaps you are having a rough day but if you do small things to improve the lives of others that reciprocity will catch up with you too. 

How can you take better care of yourself and trust the universe a little more? What healthful practice do you use when you feel yourself holding on a little too tightly?

Reciprocity: Capacity vs. Desire

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Today I want to write about capacity. The desire our children or partners, employers or friends may place upon us for more. This could be asking for time, energy, bandwidth, or attention – all of it is their desire. There is our ability to meet their need or potentially find that we lack the capacity to meet that need. It can feel like failure when someone brings us needs that we cannot fulfill – particularly when we want to help. In healthy relationships we may wish to grow ourselves in order to be a better match for our companions.

First, let’s look at this from the perspective of boundaries and what is appropriate. Other people may make requests of us. Namely our children, friends, or partners, with whom we are in healthy and reciprocal relationships may ask us to grow. Relationships built upon trust and healthy boundaries. In these relationships we may occasionally be asked to rise to the occasion – which we may choose or choose not to do. It is important to remember this as a decision. 

We may demonstrate either our willingness to rise or our decisiveness to decline. Assessing this opportunity might lead us to recognize that the stakes for this ask are too high. Or the request may be outside of our willingness to give. It is possible for us to increase our capacity. It is possible to choose to step forward into a new comfort zone. However the decision must be made willingly, not due to pressure from others.

Choices to increase our capacity include seeking counseling, therapy, reading self-help materials or engaging proactively in self-work. The choice to work through our own traumas, emotions, and rebuild or destroy bridges is a heavy one. This is not light lifting or easy work. It is necessary work only if we want to meet those we love where they are and feel ready to do so. Not simply because we want to be able to meet their needs and expectations of us. 

To raise your capacity requires digging in to the difficult work of self-care and self-love. It means taking ownership for your role in the care and nurturing of your personal energy and needs. It also means being willing to be more vulnerable and open to the people we love. 

I cannot stress strongly enough the necessity of only doing this work for and with professional guidance and only in healthy relationships. This work is not meant to support co-dependence. These are not matters that you can resolve by working on yourself alone. But if you want to give more and feel you can’t without help, that is when you may choose to invest time, energy, and resources in working through the deeply impactful challenges you have faced in life. 

We all have the capacity to give. The ability to look deeply at our histories and learn more about our own healing and growth exists. Choosing to do so is an option. You may wish to increase your capacity as a loving devotion to yourself and your loved ones. Do not tear open old wounds in an attempt to demonstrate martyrdom. You will only re-traumatize yourself and this is an act of violence on your own tender heart.

When someone asks you for more than you are comfortable giving that may be an attempt to subvert your boundaries. It is totally appropriate not to make changes to yourself if you don’t want to do this. Hold your boundaries and only give what you are comfortable sharing. Do not go out of your way to meet another person’s needs, simply because they ask, or demand, or will whine or complain. Your work is not to make yourself miserable for the benefit of someone else. Relationships between adults are meant to be reciprocal and it is not your role to sacrifice your personal wellbeing or health to accommodate anyone else. Anyone who attempts to center themselves at a cost to you is not asking for love or support. They are asking you to sacrifice your welling being for theirs. This is not an appropriate or reasonable ask.

Choose to increase your capacity on your own terms. Choose to do so in order to come to the world a more honest, full, and complete version of yourself. Increase capacity so that you have more to give yourself first. Listen and trust yourself. Set and hold your boundaries. It is ok to be willing to grow in order to be a better person, parent, or partner. But let being better for yourself be your first reason. Your heart will know the difference and the gift is that much better when it comes from your heart and not from a place of control.

Boundaries Refresher

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Boundaries are the ground rules we share with others in healthy and mutually respectful relationships. They are the limits we place around our time, our attention, and our energy. Our boundaries are not negotiable. Lately I’ve been feeling my boundaries are in need of a tune up. I can tell because I am feeling angry and pushed to firmly state or re-state my limits. Anger is a guide that shows us where we need boundaries.

I notice my boundaries can sometimes slip when I choose to ignore my own needs in order to please or gain approval from someone else. It’s what Brenee Brown calls, “Hustling for worthiness.” We ignore our own desires and instead focus on meeting someone else’s needs, hoping to attain validation from that other person or group. It never works. We are left in resentment and anger because we have given what we need most to someone else. We feel resentful of them – whether they knew we were making a sacrifice or not – and angry that we feel used. It is exhausting to live in anger and resentment. It is not a strategy for building healthy relationships.

Therefore not volunteering to contribute to my own destruction is a necessary boundary for me. It is one with myself but there are others too. Some boundaries include how much time I am willing to give to a phone call or conversation topic. How much attention I wish to pay to a certain discussion at a particular time. How far I’m willing to go to meet someone. These limits are what keep me grounded in joy. Giving only what I am willing to share, not giving away that which I need most is key.

In fact, to build healthy relationships is to respect the boundaries of others and have your boundaries respected in turn. It is the highest form of mutual respect and love I can imagine. The reciprocity, for me, is the most important piece. It is the dance of give and take that makes others feel valued and seen. It lets our partners know we respect their limits and are willing to meet them where they are comfortable. Boundaries give us all the space to be free and held. I read recently, “Home is not a place, it is a feeling.” And that struck me as a deep truth. When we come home to our friends, family, lovers, and children we are connecting and creating home. 

A major component to home is safety. We feel safest when we know that we are valued and respected. One of the ways we show others that we love them is by respecting their boundaries. And the way they show us that we are equally valued is by respecting ours. Never settle for less than equity. Never agree to a relationship where the terms of engagement require you to sacrifice your needs or wants for someone else’s. Arriving at a point in life where you can be kind to yourself first, take care of yourself first, is a moment to be celebrated. Because boundaries come from being attentive to our own needs. We have more on how to discover your own needs here.

Pay attention to what your anger is directing you to be attentive to – do you need to set or restate some boundaries? Do you need more space or less? What can you do to feel more at home and at ease in your relationships? What boundaries have you used to center and ground yourself and create a safe home in your relationships with others?