Tag: imperfection

Release Your Expectations

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Today I am giving myself a gift to release my expectations in order to truly enjoy life. Expectations feel enticing. They fill our imagination’s desire to formulate what might come next. But they also box us in, they limit our vision for how things may turn out. Expectations do not open us to the promise of the universe. Instead they trap us in a web of possibilities rather than free us to enjoy the serendipitous.

Expectations are limiting and confining. They trap us in resentment. When reality does not conform to match our visions we may feel let down. It is as if we got what we wanted but not all of what we expected. In this way we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. When we envision the perfect evening or event, we imagine it so exactly that we leave no room for imperfection. And no event or other person can ever live up to that. We imagine a reality with no flaws and that simply does not exist. 

Reality is full of delicious flaws that make life interesting and richer. It’s easy to get so caught up in our curated lives that we forget that it is the very real flaws that make life beautiful. The imperfections make it real. When you release your expectations it frees you to see beauty everywhere. It opens your eyes to see the whole picture, not just the small area where you are looking. Letting go, frees us to savor and enjoy what we have already and to absorb even more.

I remember in my early 20’s a girlfriend was getting ready for a date. This woman was an artist with make-up. As I watched her, completely mesmerized by her artistic talent and expertise – turning elixirs, shadows, and powders into wearable art. She explained that whenever she did her face she was always sure to over-do one feature. She explained that by adding more definition to one area, the imperfection would make the whole of her face, “perfect.” 

My friend explained that when her entire face was done flawlessly, it would look plastic – so perfect that she would not look real. She would look like an avatar or as if she had had work done. Which was not a look she was going for. Much like Cindy Crawford’s mole, a small imperfection made her human. It also set her apart from her fellow models because it was a trademark, something that made her stand out.

Expectations are much the same – we do not imagine the imperfections. Because if I told you to imagine a model with a mole, chances are none of us could imagine Cindy Crawford. That is until we had seen Cindy Crawford and then we can think of no one else. Therefore, as I look ahead I am reminding myself not to get too attached to what I envision. To anticipate a good time but not to anticipate how it will be a good time. It is the surprise, not the expectation, that fills life with wonder. 

How do you release your expectations? Or how do you guard against developing expectations in the first place? 

Making Space for Connection

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I caught up with a friend today, or rather we both spoke in half sentences as he answered work emails and I shared what was happening in my life in vague platitudes. To be honest, it wasn’t a great moment for connection or conversation. It was a great moment to remember that sharing these experiences side by side is a different type of relating. 

We were not coming together to better understand one another or even to provide insight, we simply missed one another and wanted to share the comfort of having a dear friend by our side, even as we each went about our separate lives.

It felt good to simply co-exist with a trusted friend. In that conversation we each gave the level of focus that we were equipped to give and mutually respected each other’s boundaries. Many of us are already operating at max-capacity so carrying the burden of another person’s troubles may be too much. So too can the emotional investment of re-hashing our own challenges feel overwhelming. But there is comfort to be found in the simple sharing of a moment with a friend. 

It was like doing homework at the same table again, familiar, comfortable, and easy. There was no pretense and no effort made to impress or guide the conversation toward some goal or purpose – we were together and that was enough.

He had to wrap the call early in order to handle a work emergency. I was grateful as I needed to empty a gallon of pond water from my toddlers boots and redirect him to the tub. We both knew that each of us was giving full attention to the priorities of the day but also making space to share our day with each other.

More than anything this conversation made me proud of us. Proud that we have such a sturdy relationship that is not based on this moment, or this one conversation. It is a dance we’ve been doing for nearly 20 years – nurturing one another and our relationship through countless ups and downs. Trusting that when the time comes for us to support one another we will arrive with hearts open and be there for each other.

I am also grateful that we make a point to take the call and catch up, even if the interaction is brief. It is wonderful to be fully present and focused on the situation you are in and the person you are with, of course. But that isn’t always reality, reality is sometimes managing chaos while juggling responsibilities. Much of life has slowed down due to COVID, however it has also sapped our emotional energy. Sharing what we have to give with the people we love is always a gift and it is something I am truly grateful for today. Sometimes just going through life together is enough.