Tag: Intention

Living with Intention, Not just Urgency

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Have you ever noticed how we take our joys and transform them into obligations? We get tangled up in expectations and plans. Failing to let our lives blossom or unfold naturally. We have a dinner party tonight. It’s a wonderful opportunity to celebrate. But all day I have been thinking about my hair, what to wear, and if I have the right shoes. None of it matters. I am excited but also caught up in the details. I am not living with intention, I am living with urgency.

We have spent so little time out of our homes the past couple years that any event takes on new meaning. I’ve been talking a lot about the intentional use of our time and a realization is striking home. When we limit the amount of time we spend with those we love, intentionally or unintentionally, it leaves us with less time together. We may only have a handful of visits left and that feels too little. The realization also has me reflecting on living with intention, not just urgency. I have no interest in approaching gatherings with urgency – a rush to cram every interaction with deeper meaning or as many people as possible. But instead to focus on intentionality, being fully present and engaged with those we do spend time. Isn’t that how we should always approach time with our loved ones?

My aunt passed away several years ago due to early onset of alzheimer’s. She was not herself much of the time save a few moments during every visit she was my godmother. Twice a week I made a point to drive the half hour to the care facility in which she was living to spend quality time with her. We would do crafts when she was able. In the winter I would bring in a cookie sheet of snow to play with in her room. We made memories and laughed. My aunt would make propeller sounds and my daughter would fly the plane (her medical bed) to far off locales – Paris, New York, Egypt, and sometimes they made the trip. Other times they had to land early for repairs. They laughed and I laughed and recorded their exchanges. It was pure magic. 

It was the magic of being present, of sharing a sacred moment, and of knowing that all we truly have is now. Intentionality is telling our loved ones, “I love you.” Calling an elderly relative to remind them that they are important to you. Making the time for family get togethers and wearing whatever you want. Because the point isn’t what you wear, the point is that you showed up. 

How to Pursue an Intimidating Dream

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I love the rejuvenating energy of early summer. The promise of fresh flowers, vegetables, and colors. I love the morning dew and how every leaf in my strawberry bed seems to be hiding some sweetness ready to be picked and devoured by my children. It always inspires me to dream bigger and imagine another fresh beginning for myself. It’s so exciting to dream bigger. I once read that if your dreams don’t scare you, you’re not dreaming big enough and it spoke to me. But I also realized that there are some very specific steps to take when we have a dream that is big, bold and beautiful that terrifies us. I want to share what I do when I get myself imagining some incredible things but need a little courage to go after it.

When a goal is definitely for me but I am hesitant to pursue it, out of fear or intimidation. I do the small things around it. A supplemental goal here, a similar but not quite goal there. I take smaller steps,  incremental progress is not substantial enough to scare me. I do just enough to move forward and slowly but surely that larger goal doesn’t seem so terrifying and it gets done too because the rest of the work is already complete.

Another way I face a goal that seems daunting or overwhelming is that I write out my fears and answer them. I write down all of the scary ideas that are floating around in my head. For example, 

“Will this be embarrassing? What if I fail? What if someone judges me and finds my work wanting?” 

And then I reply, “It could be embarrassing, so what? Will you die? No. Embarrassment has yet to kill anyone. If I fail I learn. And then I will be more prepared for whatever comes next. And there are always judges ready to heckle our work. Criticism is easy, showing up and stepping into the arena is hard – that’s why there are so many critics and so few artists. It’s hard because it matters. It’s on your list because it is your calling and your life’s work. You wouldn’t show up to do it if it weren’t important. And if you are judged perhaps you will help someone else to be brave by being first brave yourself. And who cares what someone else says, you do this work for you and you love it, if you’re proud of it, it does not matter what anyone else says about it.”

It’s incredibly empowering to give yourself guidance and a pep talk like this. It doesn’t have to be perfect, we don’t have to be perfect. We just need to hear that truth inside of us ringing clear and loud like a bell. That inner wisdom is giving us permission to show up and try. And oftentimes that is all the push I need to take the next step forward.

I hope these two little tips serve you and help you push past your inner critic to own and chase down those sacred dreams you hold in your heart. You have them for a reason, don’t let fear stop you from shining as brightly as possible. You are here to change the world and I can’t wait to watch you do it! 

Making Meaning in an Empty Day

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I write a lot about what to do when there is too much on your plate. Long weeks and heavy work loads seem to be the name of the game lately but every so often the universe gives us the gift of time and space. The trick is not to fill it up – as we are often so tempted to do when we catch a spare moment. The day will pass, time has a way of marching on even when we feel stuck or busy, but we can choose to use our unscheduled time with intention.

Free time is our opportunity to rest, recover, and reflect but so often the way we spend our free time leaves us just as drained and exhausted as if we had worked a full day. Therefore when we find ourselves facing an empty agenda it helps to take a moment to think and set an intention for the day. 

Setting my intention – Do I want to feel energized? Do I need rest? What does my mind, body, heart, spirit ask of me today? These are some excellent questions I use to figure out what I need for myself in the day. This way I don’t loose myself in social media or in a Netflix binge and wonder where the day has gone and why I am so hungry. For instance, today I have noticed our family is a bit on edge and so we took a trip to the library. New books always put us in better moods and having an adventure that doesn’t cost anything but feeds our minds and souls is one wonderful way I take care of my family and myself. 

Eating well – What foods do I like or need to feel nourished? In our house a diet consisting of primarily meatballs and meatball derivatives would satisfy half of our household at all times. For those of us who prefer more variety than just ground meat this includes indulging my cravings for a hearty salad and vegetables. It means making cookies on cold days or preparing soups that we can warm up later in the week for a satisfying non-meatball based dinner. 

Making space for fun – I already talked about watching mindless television and how that can suck my energy without leaving me feeling particularly satisfied but I do want to offer a caveat to that rule. I feel better when I watch something that I love – if I cuddle up to watch any film in the Norah Ephron or Nancy Myers Library, Sabrina, or recently Good Omens by Neil Gaimen – these creative endeavors leave me feeling inspired and engaged. 

When you watch something fulfilling, or write an extra page in a journal, you indulge yourself and give yourself the space to think differently. Activities that allow us to imagine and play leave us more refreshed and alive than had we just vegged out in front of a stressful news program or show that doesn’t particularly interest us. Don’t waste your own time, give yourself the gift of being attentive to your intention and doing something that brings you joy.

Being productive – If you insist on being productive or completing a task give yourself a time limit. I sometimes find when I have a day where nothing needs to be done I fill it with errands – grocery shopping, deep cleaning the stove, or starting a small home renovation project. Don’t fill your day with obligations but if you do need food in the house give yourself a time limit. Take an hour to run to the shops but be sure to honor yourself and your own time and be home to lay out on the couch with a good book and a hot tea. Show up for what you need not just what everyone else wants. 

Quality Time – Quality time can be by yourself or with a friend, partner, child, whomever you like and admire and want to share your time with on this day of nothing. If you’d like to call a friend and catch up or hide in your bed and read both are acceptable and equally valid uses of your time. I have decided to dig out a recipe for fall cookies that my grandmother used to make and I plan to make them with my children this afternoon. It’s not a huge undertaking or a difficult task. There’s sugar involved so we’ll all have fun making snickerdoodle cookies. It will be nice to share a piece of my childhood with my children and celebrate our shared family history together. And then we’ll have cookies for dessert later, which is always a good way to end the day.

Early to bed – Sometimes when I start having fun painting or reading it’s difficult to stop and the day whips away from me more quickly than I realize. Before I know it, it’s 6pm and I need to eat, the house needs to be tidied, and I’ve lost a day – it’s like a good day hang-over. To avoid getting into that situation where instead of savoring and celebrating the end of a good day I regret or beat myself up about how I chose to spend my time I make sure to set the alarm – just a reminder to have a good dinner, share some cookies for dessert, and stick with my regular bedtime routine. I may even add in a face mask or some luxurious treat for myself before bed. Make it sweet and simple and get some good rest so that I can enjoy reflecting on this day of leisure and rest joyfully for the rest of the week and maybe make more time in my schedule for days like this that really nourish and fill me up.