Tag: joy

Taking Care

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“Treating ourselves like precious objects makes us strong,” according to Julia Cameron. This has been a week of taking care of myself. It’s small things really. Little gifts that enhance the quality of life for the better. Buying myself flowers at the grocery store. I bought dahlia’s and floral cabbages from Canada and put them into an arrangement. I purchased the foods I like to eat – the delicious treats that I don’t often allow myself because I am purchasing something for someone else. Or buying what someone else likes instead of what pleases me. I’ve noticed somethings – first of all, I’m happier. I like my choices and it feels good to be taking care of myself first. The other bit I did not suspect or anticipate – everyone else in my house is happier too. 

I picked up sushi because it delights me. It’s a little pricey so we don’t have it all the time. However, because I got some for myself, I was also able to share some with my family. Everyone was in a better mood. I got to feel like a benevolent goddess for sharing and everyone else was pleased and surprised. Today, I made a caprese salad platter for lunch. I had enough to share and the entire family ended up eating it together. It wasn’t a super fancy indulgence, we had tomatoes, salami, and I picked up bread and a nice mozzarella. I tell you this because it wasn’t like I dropped $400 at the store on expensive treats. I just bought small things to compliment what we already had and it brought us all together.

Not one person these past few days has complained about the meal. No one has decided to “Make a sandwich.” Instead of eating dinner. Everyone is happier when I share some of the delectable delights that I had intended to enjoy on my own. This was not an intentional experiment. It wasn’t some grand idea or strategy. It was simply a desire to meet my own needs. A recognition that so many of us don’t know what we like because we are so focused on pleasing other people. We do this so often and so thoroughly that we don’t even know what we like. And that made me sad. It made we want to know more about myself and what brings me joy. And it turns out that when I take better care of me – I’m actually taking care of everyone else. 

It’s like that parenting adage that if you want to help your children, get yourself to therapy. The answer is not in healing them or fixing some outside issue. The answer to to heal yourself first. Meet your needs so that others don’t have to bear the burden of your lack. Give yourself an abundance of love and empathy so that when others come to you there is an abundance of love, support, and energy already filling you up. Only when you are full are you able to give. So if you need me I’ll be planning my own vacation and making more time to paint. The good of the world rests on my shoulders and I am not one to shirk responsibility. I hope you make some time to do some good and wonderful things for yourself too!

Intentional Time Management

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This afternoon I went grocery shopping. This statement alone really means nothing. But if I tell you it was a local farmstead and local open air market then you might appreciate that this was not a typical experience. First of all I went in the middle of the day. Second this is the sort of place that does not even take credit cards but only operates in cash and check. In 2023. And so when I begin to tell you of the delight I experienced in choosing my fruits – juicy and lush plums, bags of cherries before the season comes to a close, huge containers of blueberries and strawberries at prices that make me question why or how I could ever consider shopping somewhere else. And piles, absolute piles of fresh corn, potatoes, and made from scratch pastries that just set my heart on fire. 

Early fall and harvest time always bring me joy. And savoring the delights of summer by indulging in fresh produce is a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s why we order groceries in the first place. I get distracted by the bounty and abundance in the produce section. Typically coming home without the practical foods that we need to prepare for our daily meals. And really, while I know that is an inconvenience, I would still argue that this is not a flaw. 

I am passionate about fresh and delicious food but I often find myself ill equipped to provide it. So often we’re pushing ourselves to complete dinner so that we can eat and get to the next thing. Eating itself becomes a task on a list and not an opportunity to unwind, enjoy, and savor. This happens to us all when we feel like we have so much to do and so little time. 

Lately I have been reading about time management. How in striving to complete tasks quickly we rob ourselves of the opportunity to savor and enjoy the bounty that surrounds us. Our agendas rob us of experiencing the moment. And the way we make more time for ourselves and what we love is that we simply do them.

The rest of life – the email responses, the tidying up of kitchens, will either get done or not. But rushing through the pleasures of our life only makes more time for these rudimentary tasks that are themselves endless. Because no sooner will you send an email than you will get one back. Or no quicker do you wipe down the counter than someone spills a drink. 

When we choose to take our time doing the things we love our life unfolds at a more natural pace. It begins to feel as if we have more time. For me it’s a lazy stroll through the market where I buy more fruit than one family can possibly consume. These simple joys fill my basket and my heart. The time used to treat myself leads to even more time doing the things I love. Because now I get to make zucchini bread, and eat blueberry pancakes. These simple delights blossom from one lovely occasion to many more very quickly. And instead of rushing home to complete the mundane I now feel excited. Choosing to follow my own rhythm I find myself enjoying life and that feels like the point. 

Be Your Own Hero

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What we choose to focus on and give our attention to will be our perspective. If we fixate on what offends us that is all we will see in the world. Much like when watching television you are in control of the channel. If you don’t like what’s on, you have the right and the responsibility to change it. Choose your your viewpoints rather than be pressed or depressed by them. Norah Ephron wrote, “Always be the heroine of your own story, never the victim.”

We often get caught up in the idea of a knight in shining armor. A Robin Hood, that will waltz in at the right moment to save us from our fates. But as President Obama once said, “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” It’s us. We are the ones who are going to have to do the work of saving ourselves and of making our own lives more beautiful.

The first step is looking honestly at your life and deciding if there is something you can change. If you have conflict that is hurting your heart it’s ok to take a break. A quick way to know if this is happening is to check your text messages – if the top five conversations contain negative comments or complaints you have a choice to make. You can choose to continue to feel victimized by the situation or you can choose to get out of it. 

The fist step is to decide you want to do something differently. It is both as easy and as hard as it sounds. I am a firm believer that you can run away from your problems. If a particular group or friend feels as if they are taking more from you than they are giving back it’s ok to walk away. It is also ok to take space and time to heal before you return to that relationship, if you ever do. If you’re unsure I would encourage a cooling off period. This will give you time to assess, reflect, and calm down before you make a decision. The answer is already in you.

Setting boundaries is one excellent way that you can keep someone in your life while also getting your needs met. Boundaries exist to assure that we all feel safe and supported in our relationships. When someone gives you a boundary they are telling you that they want you in their lives and this is one way in which they can see that happening. 

Another great way to shift your perspective is to talk to a therapist or counselor, someone who can give you the tools to process your emotions and work through your feelings. You don’t need to inform others if you choose therapy. Though it has become somewhat a badge of honor these days. The work you do with your therapist or counselor is private and personal. They are able to provide the care that you need to heal or locate the root of your issue. It’s easy to keep having the same fight, it’s a lot harder to determine what situations feel unsafe or undesirable to you. With therapy and boundaries you may be able to heal and find a healthy way to engage with others.

Life can be hard but it is also a lovely and beautiful experience. If you’re feeling more miserable than joyful it’s a good idea to talk with someone you trust. There may be a medicinal solution that works for you or a therapeutic treatment that enables you to live the life you want that includes the people and experiences you want most in your life. When we choose to take care of ourselves we choose joy. And when we feel joyful, healed, and healthy we start to draw the right people, situations, and events into our lives. I can thinking of nothing more heroic than that.

Rain and Awe

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Rain is impressive in its tenderness and its force. It can be graceful and calming. Storms may also rattle our windows and send our pets scampering for shelter. It is the peaceful and gentle falling of water that I embrace today. That is the energy I am bringing to life this week. I am not pushing ahead in fury and fear. I am simply lingering in the rain. 


Feeling the water splash down on my face like a gentle blessing my awareness is of how each and every rain drop is a gift. I am lucky enough to be here to enjoy it. Breathing deep to savor this moment I do not have to rush to get to my next appointment or goal. I am hopeful and I am also patient. 

Pausing in these transitional moments allows us to reframe and refocus. When we give ourselves time to enjoy the present moment and appreciate its magnitude we are also adding to our health and wellbeing. Research shows, “awe is critical to our well-being — just like joy, contentment‌ and love.” And awe is available to all of us in our everyday lives. We need not seek it out – by spending a lot of money or traveling to far off lands, though that may inspire awe as well – we can find awe in small moments in regular life.


It is a gift to be humbled by the weather and to be reminded how very small we all are. In our smallness we are free to absorb the sensation of awe as we witness the miracle of this planet. These are the moments that make hearts sing and open us up to things that are new, simple and powerful. Wee are experiencing not just an abundance of emotion but an expansion of joy that we are finally in a position to absorb and appreciate.

Where do you find awe in your daily life?

Perspective Impacts Experience

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I recently attended a writer’s workshop where the focus was on developing our craft, the publishing process, and how to get to the next level with our writing. I attended a talk where the speakers were friends. Instead of supporting each other’s best perspectives they dragged on another down. Both respected and known authors in their fields, they had independently achieved a certain amount of success. However, instead of talking about their accomplishments and celebrating them they instead chose to focus on how hard won those victories were.

While there is much to be said for honesty in a public forum and not sugarcoating the process to those in the audience it could have been defeating. The talk overly focused on the setbacks, challenges, and rejection that can be part of pursuing a writing career. Rather than giving hope, the speakers could not see beyond their personal hardship. They described their experiences as writers and anxiety ridden, full of disappointment, and rejection. 

As a counter to that, we all know that every path is challenging. As Tom Hanks told us in A League of the Their Own, “the hard is what makes it great.” But if you can’t enjoy being invited to speak at an industry event, and feel flattered or honored perhaps the wins are lost on you. Perhaps your perspective needs a tune up. Because to those of us in the audience being on stage and invited to speak is a very real victory. Several attendees spoke in the hall about having no interest in hearing about the challenges. We all know the challenges. We want to know how you came to be where you are as a respected industry expert. And if you can’t see your victory from up on a stage, chances are you never will, unless you make some real changes to your perspective. 

Perhaps that is the deeper lesson, how profoundly your perspective impacts your experience. We cannot enjoy the good if we are not looking for it. Instead of allowing our challenges to embitter us let us use them to motivate us as we move forward. We overcame so much to get here – isn’t that incredible? And this is true of every person in every room, not only those on stage. You made it here – that is worthy of joy and celebration!

Mid-Year Review

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We’re at the half-way point in the year and it’s time to pull out our vision boards again. I like to do this mid-year review around Christmas in July because it gives me a refresh. I get to remind myself of my goals and see if they still align with where I’m headed. If not, it’s time to purge.

I don’t like to get rid of the ideas that I thought enough of to save and stick to my board. So, today I want to share what I do with those plans. When I find an idea on my vision board that no longer speaks to me I take it down. If the image or words no longer resonate with me I recycle them. Once I accomplish a goal I add it to my accomplishments journal. If I like the idea but am no longer tied as strongly to its outcome I take the image down. I then add those images to my journal.

My journals are like scrap books. I use them as notebooks, diaries, and travel logs. When I’m feeling particularly excited I write for pages. When I am trying to figure out how I feel or if I’m angry and need to process emotions, I write them out. Therefore the journals aren’t chronological and in fact they become time capsules of a small portion of my life. 

I prefer composition notebooks, I also prefer them college ruled. I put stickers, inspirational quotes, and magazine clippings inside of them. These include items from my tri-fold vision board. I add them to the notebook to remind me of where I thought I was heading but maybe didn’t end up. This process is cathartic because I’m freeing space on my vision board.

The empty space on the vision board in the second half of the year gives me room to imagine what comes next. The freedom of the empty board allows my imagination to wander, which is exactly what I want it to do as we lead up to the holidays. I want room to breathe. It is better to have fewer expectations as I work towards cramming in all of the joy, fun, and progress I can possibly smush into my life before the new year comes. In six month it will be time to strategize what comes next on this fantastic journey.

In the second half of the year I wish you tons of free space and time for imagination, old friends, and good wine. I hope you find some things that speak deeply to you and  others that you can simply set free. As we complete our mid-year review I hope you give yourself the freedom to clear some space. Remember you don’t have to accomplish everything in a single day and not even in a single year. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed – it is not an accomplishment it is a journey. I hope you savor it!

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Life Goals

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When we intentionally do things that bring us joy simply because they bring us joy our perspective shifts. The emails organize themselves. I find that saying, “no,” to some things is actually liberating. It frees me from taking on more than I can manage. It opens space for me to invest time in those things that bring me joy and fulfillment. Those are my true life goals.

There’s an interesting analogy that is attributed to various thinkers, investors, etc. most often Warren Buffett. The guidance is as follows:

  1. Create a list of all you want to do in life.
  2. Rank the items on your list. 
  3. Once you have ranked all the things that interest you or that you think you might like to do highlight your top five. 
  4. Keep the top five. 
  5. Forget about the rest.

The belief is that we can accomplish anything but we can’t accomplish everything. Items six and beyond are just tempting enough to distract us from our main goals. By eliminating them we focus our attention on our true goals. This not only makes sense but will create more space and time for those things that serve us. It prevents scope creep. 

My only suggestion is to be sure some of those top five life goals include savoring the good life. If you’re not doing the small things that bring you joy you may accomplish a great deal. But you will always be chasing more. Be intentional with your time and choose you first, always. Make a good life not just good goals.

Summer Break

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It’s summer break! Here’s a list of some fun things you can do to treat yourself better and create more fun and joy to fill your memory banks. Summertime isn’t just about kids having fun. So often we get jealous of people who go on vacation or children making their way to camp. What if you gave yourself the gift of fun too? Making time for fun and pleasure is not just for kids. Finding joy in your daily life keeps things exciting, gives us something to look forward to, and brings us closer to our purpose of being alive. We aren’t here to suffer or make amends, we’re here to thrive and enjoy every morsel. 

There’s a wonderful line in the Talumud which reads, “A person will be called to account on Judgement Day for every permissible thing they might have enjoyed but did not.” Embrace happiness and let your highlight reel be a joyful expression of your love for life and for yourself. These ideas aren’t super expensive or tricky, you only have to give yourself permission to partake in the delights.

  1. Watch the sunset
  2. Eat an ice cream or frozen popsicle on the stoop or in the grass.
  3. Swing at your local park – you can do this in the morning before it gets too hot!
  4. Take yourself to the beach – or turn your backyard into your own beach oasis with a towel, some sunscreen, and a shallow pool of cool water.
  5. Read a book under the shade of a tree.
  6. Take a hike or go on a walk in the evening with friends.
  7. Turn on the sprinkler and run through it!
  8. Take a nap.
  9. Draw with sidewalk chalk or blow bubbles
  10. Pick some flowers and put them in a cup of water

Invite a friend or loved one to join you in any of these endeavors for an added boost of connection and memory making. Joy is always doubled when shared. Happy Summer break!

Patterns of Joy

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There are events happening all day in all of our lives. The majority of those moments will be completely forgotten and lost to our memories. The moments we highlight and the patterns we recognize become the story of our day. Depending on our mood, the weather, and a million other small things we can choose to label our day as good one or bad. The day can be either, or some variation in between, depending on our perspective. If we look for the good things and the joy in our days we are more likely to highlight those patterns and consider the day a good one. What we look for is what we will find which is why I want to look for patterns of joy.


Therefore, in order to help us all practice looking for the good in our days I have an idea. This is something new – I haven’t even tried this yet but I’m excited to test it out. Every day this week I am going to  take a picture of the best part of my day. I am going to do that for two reasons. First, because it immediately has my mind on the look out for good things. Secondly, it keeps me wondering, engaged, and present. I am not looking for the day to fall apart. I am looking for more and more goodness and opportunities to create more joy in my daily life. 

The act of looking for joy primes the pump and has me already shifting my focus towards looking for the good. This practice may even turn into a running collection or album of these photos. It may result in a variety of joyful images – laughing with friends, a beautiful scene out the window, the dog cuddled on my lap. Not every day is a vacation photo image but there are beautiful moments that make up our lives. A quick photo reminds us to look for joy first. And on days when we’re feeling down or disheartened it’s a lot easier to scroll through happy photos than it is to try to remember all the good things off the cuff.

The simple act of focusing on and amplifying the joy in our lives helps us appreciate what we have already. To our brains, life is made up of patterns. But we get to choose what patterns to seek. Let’s look for patterns of joy, laughter, friendship, fun, and see how our perspectives and our lives shift. 

Following Your Yes

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The way we run from joy in life you’d think we hated it. We are constantly convincing ourselves that in order for our experiences to be valid, important, or necessary we must also be miserable. It’s easy to start to think that because we can do hard things that it is necessary to ONLY do what is difficult or challenging. In actuality we need to be doing less of what causes anxiety, makes us uncomfortable, or feels like it is not meant for us. We need to follow our yes.

Following our bliss or following your yes is a simple practice of listening and paying attention to your inner voice. The voice that wants ice cream and not dinner. The voice that says let’s go swinging rather than let’s jump on one more webinar. Listening to the voice is not a rejection of mature adult life. It is rather an acceptance that you know what is best for you. You know what you need better than any agenda or app.

You know that you’ve been sitting too much today. Your body is longing to stretch and fly free on the swing. Or noticing that you haven’t eaten enough today or that you’re hungry for a treat and that’s ok. We learn early to reject our inner voices in order to attend school or listen to adults around us. What if instead of trusting that anyone else knows better what you need, you simply trusted that you’ve got this. And if you’re wrong, you’ll figure it out. 

Isn’t that such a simple and yet, revolutionary thought? You don’t have to do the difficult thing, you can do the fun thing. And chances are the fun thing is the right thing for you. We all know that there are days when bills need to be paid. Days when boring meetings must be attended but that is not every day and you know what else? That is not all day. If you know you have a lot of responsibilities or obligations coming up – take some time to treat yourself. Be kind to you and pick up ice cream or pop by a local cafe for a hot beverage. Do something small to bring yourself joy. Even if you’re sitting in a long meeting you can at least sip your drink and offer yourself a small pleasure while in the midst of an unpleasant situation. 

Take care of yourself and follow your yes, let me know where your inner voice guides you!