Tag: lessons

Emotional Guideposts

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In difficult situations I sometimes find myself experiencing deja vu. It is as if the universe brings an old lesson to me to see if I am paying attention. It seems like there are lessons that I am learning again and again and the universe is just checking to see how far I’ve come on it. It’s not easy to recognize our patterns but as we age we can sometimes see the themes repeating themselves. Each time we have the opportunity to change the ending ever so slightly for the better.

You might notice this too – how situations in our lives repeat themselves. I’ve heard it said that even in relationships that fall apart, oftentimes we rush back to that same point with a new partner. We’re with someone new and yet having those same conflicts all over again. This happens in all our lives. Our job is to learn from those situations so that we may move forward. Instead of repeating the same cycle again and again.

This can be easier said than done. To help myself I’ve started using my emotions as guideposts. I do this by feeling my emotions while also being attentive to what they’re telling me. Especially really strong emotions like anger, fear, or any derivative of those two. When I feel these super strong emotions they are indicators that my boundaries have not been respected, or that I feel particularly unsafe or insecure. The emotional guideposts are messages and our job is to pay attention and figure out what it is they are telling us. Our emotions are there for a reason.

Recently a familiar lesson has come around again for me. It is frustration at a perceived lack of control – my inclination is always to take over and be in charge. Pick me and I can do it, oldest child reporting for duty. But instead of having the power to fix the situation I find myself confronted with obstacles. There are obstinate conflicts and other people in the way. In fact, they are the owners of the situation and my role is to step back and let them. 

It’s a tricky lesson to learn. As many of you already know, letting people manage their own situations is a challenge. It’s easy to get drawn in – but the lesson is that this is not my situation to fix. I am only here to do my work, not anyone else’s. Period.

This realization usually comes after a lot of emotional investment or self-righteous anger – both signals that we want to recognize. This time I noticed my emotional guideposts. What’s even better was when I recognized the situation I knew what to do, I needed to step back and realign. Oprah says she recognizes these situations by saying, “I see you God!” And I think that perspective is so refreshing. That’s the message – these situations and our emotional guideposts are not here for us to stumble. They are here to help us on our path. If we are overly invested and involved in everyone else’s drama, problems, or challenges we are certainly NOT focused on our own journeys. 

There’s a Polish proverb, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Whenever I feel the temptation to involve myself in a project or situation that is not mine I remind myself to step back. The phrase makes me laugh and helps me to clearly define my role. I’m not here to manage the world. I am only here to manage myself and learn all that I can about myself and what it means to be me.

How do you remind yourself to stay in your own lane? What lessons do you find the universe bringing into your life over and over again? How have you changed your own patterns for the better?

4 Steps to Progress

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Today, we come to the end of our second year of Meanings with MK. I am deeply humbled to be here. Honored to be on the edge of another year and to have the opportunity to look back and reflect on how far we have come. And I am forever grateful to be undertaking this journey will all of you. Time will pass but growth is optional. The steps to progress below will help as you continue on this journey.

Progress is challenging but also worth it. As Neil Gaimen has said, “That which we attain without effort we cannot possibly value.” Remembering where we started gives deeper value to where we are now. Each of us has made sacrifices and choices to improve our lives and grow. There are some steps to progress that are etched onto our hearts. They have transformed our lives for the better. In honor of this second year, I’d like to share them with you.

These are also topics I’ve written on over the past couple years and so I have linked to the how-to posts as well. I hope they serve you.

Meditation

I meditate for, at least, 20 minutes a day. It is a small chunk of time but the difference it makes in my mood, my energy, and my writing is miraculous. The meditations I use are always shifting and changing depending on my mood and circumstances but I show up every day and always feel better when it is done. I write more on meditation here.

Morning pages

I write three pages, stream of consciousness, every morning. Even before I write this blog, I have already written three pages and that feels incredible. It is in keeping with the teachings of Julia Cameron and I could not recommend more highly this simple exercise of starting your day by dumping all of the rogue and random, complaints, worries, joys, and fears onto the page. Just purging all of the chatter in my mind first thing gives me perspective, insight, and the ability to start my day fresh and unburdened. – Also, you can always edit something written but you cannot edit a blank page.

Boundaries

Setting my own and respecting the boundaries of others has opened me up to so much deeper connection and honest interaction. My relationships and my life are better for the boundaries and mutual respect required to uphold them.

Goal Setting

Taking two steps every week towards accomplishing a goal. Whatever my goal is I practice taking small steps toward it. My dogged pursuit of my goals is not done without challenge or obstacles but it is done with persistence. It’s easy to see a large dream and think, “I’ll never get there,” or, “If I fail at this I’m done.” Instead I see failure as a lesson, something I can use to help me grow. I am patient but relentless in my pursuit of my goals.

This blog and the lessons I share with you are all things that I have learned along the way. Many of them are hard-won. And many of you perhaps have learned on your own journeys. For me, writing out what I have learned reminds me of the lesson. I hope reading these notes reaffirms the message and your own commitment to yourself and to your path. 

I hope you find something here to carry with you and help you on your journey. I’m grateful to you for reading. Your being here brings this work full circle. The only way we every truly learn something is when we are able to teach it to someone else. Thank you for helping me to grow and to learn. Thank you for being here. I celebrate how far we have come together to get to this point.

What three things are you most proud of yourself for learning? What steps to progress work best for you?

Confirmation Letter

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I recently wrote a confirmation letter to my cousin on a transformative rite of passage. These words were intended to lift her up, bring her through a difficult time, and embrace herself and her own path. I hoped to welcome the transformations that life was bringing to her. I wanted these words to land gently and hoped that they might inspire her to listen to herself and find her own way. It is with that same hope I offer them to you. I hope they fill your cup and serve as a confirmation letter of what you already know to be true.

Congratulations, I am so proud of you! I know you are ready. Choosing to become an adult carries great responsibility. You are deciding to take ownership to care for yourself and for others. You are choosing to listen to your heart and follow where it leads. 

Listening to the small voice inside yourself is difficult – it can be especially hard when that voice is shouted over by social media, friends, and entertainment. To listen to your inner wisdom takes courage and quiet. Finding that quiet place of power within yourself so that you can follow your inner longing is what will lead you on your journey. You have done so much work to get to this place and I know that you are prepared to take this next step. I am sure that the universe will lead you to exactly where you are meant to be in the world and in life. Look at how far you’ve come already!

Being a teenager is a tricky time in every young person’s life. You’re learning to be the woman you will become and are beginning to carry the little girl you were in your heart. Protect that little girl. She worked hard to get you to exactly where you are right now. She braved tough times and has made you the person you are today. A lot of times we think negatively about ourselves in the past. We feel embarrassed or ashamed of our mistakes and choices. Sometimes we think we could or should have done things differently. It’s important to remember that all of those rough patches and challenges made you who you are today. They will give you the strength and wisdom to get you to where you’re going tomorrow. 

Never let anyone treat you in anyway that you would not want for that little girl. As an adult your job will be to take care of your inner child, protect her, nurture and nourish her, and let her play. Having fun only sometimes is not an option. I want you to be joyful, happy, and to laugh every day! I want you to feel the rain like magic, and I want your heart to sing. There is so much joy I wish for you. 

Where you are right now is temporary and as we go through life I think that is one of the most important things to remember. When things are hard – it’s temporary, you’ll get through it. And when they’re really good – it’s temporary so savor and enjoy it. Don’t let anything or anyone keep you from celebrating and living life as your fullest and most authentic self. 

I love the brave, bold, sparkling, and imaginative young woman you already are – I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of that little girl who always fought fiercely for herself and others. That radiant person who knew what she needed and went for it bravely. It has been my honor to watch you grow and develop into the person you are today. While we haven’t always spent as much time together as we might have liked it always fills my heart to hear you are thriving and to know that no matter what difficulties you may face you meet them with courage, consistency, and kindness. 

Being a kiddo is tough work – you’re doing all of the same things adults are doing, you’re just doing it all for the first time and with a lot less experience to rely on. It is not easy to learn everything. That’s why childhood takes so long – there’s a lot to figure out. And while lots of kiddos aspire to be grown up – I’ll hope you’ll cherish these moments because they are fleeting like a sunset and temporary too.

This moment is holy and so are you. Pay attention to where your inner wisdom is guiding you. I know that your curiosity and excitement will serve you well in life. I hope that some of what I have said helps and serves you on your journey. Please know how deeply loved you are and how grateful I am that you are mine.

This is kind-of a graduation, now isn’t it? A new beginning. I want you to know that even though you will now be an adult I am always here to listen and help you in any way I can. I’m so proud of you. Congratulations! I cannot wait to see where this next step takes you. I know this is not the last graduation, rite, or incredible blossoming I will celebrate for you. But it feels like a beautiful gift and honor to share these thoughts with you now. I am holding you in my heart today and always. 

The Dawning of a New Day

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Today is the first day of President Biden and Vice President Harris’s administration and I can feel myself cracking open. It is as finding an oasis in the desert. The tender shoots of spring are finally peeking out from under a blanket of snow. The last four years have been heavy, a burden on our minds, hearts, and heads. There will be those that seek and destroy the evils that have been unleashed in our nation but much like Pandora’s box, hope remains. And today I am feeling hope melt into the spaces that fear, disappointment, and lies had occupied during the previous administration.

The words I wish to share: freedom, confidence, trust, resilience, and hope. Hope that we are exactly where we are intended to be in the world, that our leaders will carry the torch of justice and equity into their daily works and that these United States will be re-anointed with the support of our allies and friends in the world. We have driven back the darkness for one more day. 

Once again we have been reminded of the fragility of democracy. More clearly than ever we see the necessary exercise of investing time and attention into whom we elect and why. The arrival of Biden an Harris is not an end to political discord or challenge, for we must continue to fight for those things we believe in and want most from our government and elected leaders. However, it is an end of our federal executive’s support for hate and fear mongering. We are not what we fear, we are not what we hate. This nation is made up of what we love, what we hope, and what we dream. Our most powerful dreams and the idea that we are free, nee obligated, to pursue them is a concept that is uniquely American.

We are selfish and spoiled, self-focused and obsessed. But we are not evil, we are not consumed by hatred. We are still a young nation and every youth rebels and rejects what is known in an attempt to find what fits. We have learned from this rebellion, this white supremacist attack on our collective beliefs and our Capitol building, that we are not what we hate. Those rioters sought to destroy, threaten, and steal that which belongs to the people, to all of us. They did not succeed. 

Sadly, lives were lost and harm was done – looting, violence, the damage to our collective consciousness. However yesterday a new dawn broke through, a new President and Vice President were sworn in, a Youth National Poet Laureate shook us to our roots, and voices raised in song celebrated our Nation’s new victory over threats to our democracy.

I was particularly struck the the words of the oath of office, “against threats both foreign and domestic.” Not even a sentence, often a blip we skim over to get to the seriousness of business. This week those words felt necessary, the gravity of their intention clear, the duty of our elected officials is to serve the people and to do their best to serve the best interests of our nation. 

Today as my heart is cracking open, as I feel the need to wash the last four years out of my hair. I remember only the lessons, the all too important and easily forgotten message, we are in this together. Today is a new and shining day. There is hope. We have each other and we will move forward stronger and more certain in our roles as citizens, public servants, and as one Nation Under God, Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for All.