Remember to Ask for Help

In a crisis, I usually handle things. I’m an expert at putting off the emotional part of a situation in order to make quick, decisive choices. I do well in this role but it is not sustainable. Making difficult decisions with authority is a skill I have honed throughout my life. However, that which makes me a quick first call also works in reverse when the trauma is my own.

When my brother passed away unexpectedly in our late twenties I was devastated and shut down. I took a month off of work, posted a note to facebook with information regarding his services and I handed my phone to my partner. I couldn’t take in any more information, I was overwhelmed. It turns out those things were all important choices. Even in chaos, I managed to do what I needed most – remember to ask for help.

Go where you are safe

The best thing I did for myself was knowing that I needed support.  I went to my Grandmother’s house where I stayed… for a month. I needed family and I needed support. Surrounded by people I love and the nurturing that I needed most gave me space to recover. Reaching out to include others in my situation, opened the door to love and connection. This allowed others to be of service and to help – that is a gift.

Share what you can

I posted the information to social media. This communicated  all the relevant information to extended friends and family without my needing to be, “on,” or the resource for information. Simply click and follow, the tools were in everyone’s hands. They knew where I was going to be and had the opportunity to engage as much or as little as they wanted or were able.

Be present in the moment

I took in less and less information. Absorbing less allowed me to process what was happening in the present. I was in the moment and moving forward one step at a time. The loss was unbearable and yet I was fully present and engaged in the experience of living.

While I don’t wish trauma or pain on anyone else. I do know that we all have our burdens and challenges to face. When we face obstacles it is imperative to take care of ourselves by letting others support us and help us to carry our load. This allows us to share not only our pain but also, our joy. Being engaged with our community is what will sustain us in our darkest hours. Help others to help you by remembering these three simple steps to feeling supported and sustained – whatever your challenges may be. 

Remember to ask for help. If you are experiencing grief there are many tools out there, including professional help and guidance to help you process your loss.

Savor and Celebrate the Life We Have

Today I am thinking about creating the life I want. Having so many goals and projects in the works can sometimes feel overwhelming. I want to build and create while also making time to nurture relationships and live my life. I often check in on myself to be sure that I am not just accomplishing, completing, or “working,” rather than living. 

I don’t want to be distracted for the best times of my life and unfortunately that’s really easy to do. In a culture that glorifies “busy,” it’s easy to be consumed with productivity. We’re trying to make a home, raising kids, and all of it feels like it’s big and important. We’re sprinting through the seasons sometimes and it seems that no sooner is one task complete than there are five, or fifteen, more to fill it.

Remember Your Goals

What helps me to get out of the hamster wheel and see the big picture is reminding myself that all of this was once a dream. A beautiful home, a healthy family, a partner I love and admire – all of these were items on a wish list that I once imagined for myself. 

I distinctly remember a morning in Chicago, driving from my aunt’s apartment downtown back to my college dorm in Rodgers Park. Thinking I’d like to work in a city but have a country home where I raised my family and did my writing. I like the idea of being near a large metropolis while also distant from other people. A chateau or country estate sounded perfect to me.

Find Where You Are

Flash forward fifteen years and here we are in our country home, mouse problems and all. We’re savoring sunsets, active in our local community, and live in a small town where we know people and are known pretty much everywhere we go. It feels so comfortable and also magical that this life I imagined one morning in undergrad is here. I dreamt of this time and this place. Having imagined this moment in my life, now that I’m here I want to savor it. I want to cherish what I have while still pursuing what comes next. 

Savor & Celebrate Your Progress

For me savoring looks like a cup of tea and a long lunch with my partner. It looks like giving our dog some extra love and attention. Sitting in the sun and meditating so that I am fully present here and now. It feels like hyyge – making myself comfortable and writing to express my thoughts and process my emotions. It is being still and listening to my children as they drift off to sleep. Extra kisses on soft cheeks and all the snuggles I can possibly fit into a day. It is “one more minute,” of play when I can give it and boundaries when I cannot. And taking care of myself so that I am here for a very long time to savor and celebrate a long life. If you’re looking for some tools to find your own focal points there’s a great guide here.

Notice What Fills You and Follow It

This life is about creating spaces where I am comfortable, inspired, held and free. Finding a way to make every hope, wish, and dream I have come true because when I am building and growing, and reading good books I feel whole. Eating good foods and traveling, inspires me and stretches my wings. Learning new things fills me up and keeps me interested and engaged. I am forever looking forward to all of the good that is here now, and all of the wonderful that is yet to come.

With the fall winds upon us our windows and doors are blanketed in ladybugs. Every one that lands and stays, every one that I must pick up and place outside drenches me in good luck and positive thoughts. I am fortunate, blessed, grateful for all that I have and eager to see what comes next! 

How do you savor and celebrate life’s special moments? What times have been your favorites? What sacred dream are you pursuing now?