Tag: love

Open Heartedness

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Letting energy flow through you.

“If your heart is open it can’t be broken.” This statement was given to me by a stranger in passing. This mantra marks a lovely moment of synchronicity in my life. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I didn’t know this person and after this moment I have never seen or heard from her again. And yet her gentle teaching has stayed with me for years.

Today I was reminded of this lesson as I did a grounding meditation. The purpose of the meditation is to bring life back into focus so we’re not scrambling after every small offense or ruminating on any particular situation too long. Overthinking be gone!

As I did the breath exercises I remembered that part of this lesson has to do with our desire to hold on to our emotions, anger, frustrations, or even joy. We can’t hold onto these things unless we wish for them to go toxic. Much like grains of sand, the tighter we squeeze the faster they slip through our fingers. Therefore, as I did this exercise I released. I let go of trying to control or understand. This released the desire to manage the outcome and by doing so I am no longer ruminating. I am free to enjoy my day, free to savor the present moment, and write freely.

And that’s the word that stands out – free. When we let love, energy, emotion, etc. pass through us, as welcome visitors, we get to enjoy them in the moment. When we attempt to hold on too long we are left clinging to a shadow of that experience. Letting things flow through our lives frees us to embrace the transitory nature of life. Therefore when we are having fun or experience joy, we savor it. Just as when we suffer it too will not last. Remembering the temporary nature of life is frees us to enjoy the good and endure the bad. With open hearts we accept the love poured into us and remain open when love leaves for whatever comes next. 

Trusting ourselves and the universe begins by listening to our own inner voices. When we trust that more will come, we do not need to hang on for dear life. Our open heart knows there will be more joy, more laughter, more friendship. We do not need to cling to what we have and we do not need to own it. There is nothing that we own in life – least of all our emotional state or those we love. Without ownership there is no responsibility to manage or control.

Therefore it is with an open heart I wish you a beautiful day full of love, ease, comfort, laughter, and faith. My hope is that you try allowing everything to flow through you rather than into you. Ride the waves rather than being worn away slowly like a rock. Even the thought is liberating. Those mountains you are carrying you were only meant to climb. Let’s stop carrying undue burdens and weighing ourselves down with obstacles. Let us instead choose to free ourselves and let the universe take care of the rest. As they say in yoga class – Namaste. 

How to Rebound from Disappointment

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Today I am eating shortbread cookies from the Honolulu cookie company as I rebound from disappointment. The cookies are shaped like pineapples, dipped in white chocolate and coconut flakes. They are dainty and light, possibly the best cookies I have ever had. They are from a place that I have never been but long to visit. These cookies taste like sunshine, island breezes, bright flowers, crystal blue waters, and fresh air. They are the essence of escapism, made sweeter by the fact that they are a gift from someone who loves me and was thinking of me on their last trip to Hawaii. These are all joyful notes that are serving to put me into a better frame of mind. 

Today I will also purchase a couple of items that I have saved up for but have yet to buy. They are sitting in my cart and now is the moment. I need some joy and something happy to look forward to. I am going to give myself the gift of cozy winter gear and new drapes. These aren’t huge investments but they are investments in my own joy and happiness, both worthy and important. Whenever I face rejection I remind myself that my success or failure is not tied to my personal value or self.

I also hug my family extra tight and remind myself that some things have nothing to do with me. It helps to remind myself that the universe always has my best interest in mind. That which is meant for me I can’t screw up or loose. And those things not meant for me will pass me by, that is the nature of things. I just have to trust that this opportunity was not meant for me right now and that’s ok. 

I am learning to let go. Even though I am disappointed, I get to cuddle my kiddos, eat a good dinner, and get some rest. Today was a hard day but tomorrow will be better. I will get through this just as I have successfully gotten through every challenge I have faced up until now. I’ve got this, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I am going to fake it until I believe it. And even though today was hard, tomorrow will be easier. I just know it.

How do you rebound from disappointment? How are you more gentle or generous to yourself?

Being Where We Are

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Today I am thinking with gratitude about where I am in this moment. This feeling is not about where I’m going or about how far I have come. It is about being fully present exactly where I am right now. How, even if I accomplish nothing else today or even in this life, if all I do is continue on the path I am currently walking, that will be enough. I already am enough. You are already enough.

There’s a lot of convoluted and conflicting messaging out there about how having value or being our, “best selves” includes the pursuit of goals or the manifestation of a dream life. And yes, even here I talk about using those tools if you’re interested growing, learning, or striving for something different for yourself. But I’d like to take a minute to reaffirm the message that all of those decisions and opportunities are optional. They are not necessary for you to be whole or happy. They are not necessary to living a deep and rich life full of meaning and connection. All we ever need is to offer ourselves our own unconditional love – not because we accomplished a goal or reach a particular milestone – but simply for existing.

Even if we do nothing else in life but unconditionally love ourselves and treat ourselves kindly, that is enough. It is more than enough and it is all that is necessary. We are often encouraged to look outside of ourselves to locate our value. Marketing is created to lure us to repair some external feature because then we may we worthy. We are marketed to and sold to – buy this cream to fix this blemish or fault that someone else might judge you for having. Instead, today let’s look inside ourselves and locate our own inner compasses. We don’t owe perfection to anyone. We don’t owe modification to anyone. Nor do we ever have to change ourselves to fit some societally imposed or marketing-imposed version of ourselves that is more palatable or desirable to others. We only need to be honest and true to ourselves.

We are perfect as we are, where we are, right here and right now. What a gift to know that our worth is beyond questioning and that our value comes from within not without. And on that theme we are not without anything, everything we need we already have. You are loved, valued, and perfect exactly as you are right now. We all are and isn’t that magnificent? 

Obligations vs. Opportunities

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I have noticed myself rushing lately, pushing myself to complete more and more tasks. Accomplish goals, meet deadlines, and rush ahead. I also notice that this pressure does not help me to move any faster. It only leaves me feeling burdened and as if I have let myself or someone else down. Instead of doing that right now I am making a practice of taking my time. I am only expecting myself to accomplish those items that must be accomplished today. I am not putting off work or leaving those things that I can do until later. I am simply trying to do my best not to start and stop.

This means that I often open up projects or leave larger items on my “to do,” list for an extended period of time. This places undue burdens on my current and future self to complete a task. The thing about these items is that they are rarely necessary. And I know they are not necessary because I clearly did not make the time to do them the first week they were on my list. I still did not find the time to do them the following month. Leaving these items on my list does not serve me as I very clearly do not want to do them and there is no urgency to get them done. Instead I will make time for those things that do nourish and fill me. 

Instead of begrudging myself the incomplete task I will remove it from the list and feel a million times better. Because if it needed to be done or there was any motivating force to accomplishing this task, it would have shown up already. And if a task does not need to be done why am I holding it over my own head? Why am I beating up on myself or feeling unaccomplished because of it? Clearly my time has been filled with other things and clearly those things were either more urgent or more important. 

This weekend I did not find the time to make a dentist appointment. This is a long range task because I only see the dentist every six months. Does it need to be done immediately? No. Are my teeth healthy and well? Yes. So why would I feel angry or disappointed in myself for not accomplishing this task when I did have enough time to cuddle with my children and watch a movie. I had enough time to go through old family albums and listen to my grandmother’s stories. These are the real and important tasks that never make my list but always fill my cup and my heart. 

I don’t need to be petty with myself or with others and point out that one item that was not finished, when the larger picture, the big bold and beautiful works that make life worth living, that enhance our connections to other people and help us get to know ourselves better – those tasks get done. Those items are my priorities. I will not be sad or disappointed any more that basic tasks go unaccomplished because when they need to be done, they will be. And whatever I need to take away from the experience will be taken away. 

Instead of feeling less than because I did not make a dentist appointment – I am going to rejoice that I followed my inner knowing. I spent time with my grandmother and I focused on my children. I gave my full attention where it was needed and important. I did not waste my time on small tasks – there will be time for those tasks in the future. The work of now is to be attentive to my priorities and proud of myself for having myself so aligned that I did not ignore the magic in the moment to complete some obligation that brought me no joy but satisfied my desire to scratch something off a list. Because I’ll tell you, movie night with kiddos is never on the list but it happens every week. And quality time with Grandma was not on the list but when I saw that she would be in town and i could inspire her to share some of what she knows with me and listen to stories of our family history that I have never heard or known. I am proud of myself for jumping on that opportunity and for building connections to my past with her as my guide. I know more about who I am by knowing where my family came from. I know more about myself, about her, and about our history because my Grandmother is willing to tell her stories and because I am willing to listen. This does not happen every visit and I am grateful to myself for recognizing the moment and jumping on it. 

Routine and rudimentary tasks will always be there and some days are for making dental and doctors appointments. Some days are for errands and tasks and some days are for magic. Some days are for all of the things that are not on your list but belong at the top because they are worthy and wonderful – just like you are, just like I am. I am grateful to myself for doing this work and for showing up for myself and my family. I am grateful, pleased, and proud.

Centering: Using the Tools we have to Ground Ourselves

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This weekend in the absence of meditation I have been feeling discombobulated. I have had so many thoughts running through my mind that it’s hard to pick and choose where my natural beginning is to be found. Which task needs to be addressed first – what is my next right thing? Fortunately, when I start to feel overwhelmed I have the tools to bring myself back into the equation and to find my way back to my own center. 

The temptation may be to scroll through my phone or search for wisdom from some outside expert. Sometimes I follow this rabbit hole but the answer is already here inside of me. I know the answer already. There is no sage wisdom that someone else possesses – we possess it inside ourselves already. In short, I got this. 

I recover from this feeling with meditation or writing. I write out all of the half-sentences, and half-baked ideas swirling around in my head like a list. I let them flow out of me and onto the page and eventually they start to make sense. There’s a deeper meaning that is hidden beneath the layers of surface distraction. And whatever it is, that small whisper has room to come through when I get all of that extra background noise out of the way.

Once it is out of the way I focus on my intentions and what I want and need. That means eating well, drinking enough water, and tending to myself as if I am precious. It means investing in myself and giving myself the time and attention I need to feel balanced. Focusing internally allows us to redirect the energy that can be lost quickly when I am looking to someone else to guide me or give directions. I follow my own marching orders and to do that I need to be nourished, healthy, well rested, and to be kind to myself. The little voice inside of me that longs to be heard will not shout – it is my job to silence the external din so that I can listen within myself and find what I am looking for there. 

Each of us has a mission and a purpose in this world. Our role is not to understand or explain it. Our role is to show up and give our best. What’s incredible is that even as I write this I feel the tugs of self-doubt and fear that our society indoctrinates young women to feel. But I also feel the soaring of my heart when I listen to myself, when I reward myself and don’t silence the vision I hold of the future. We all have so much to give the world and we can only share our gifts if we slow down, look within, and share our souls. 

To me this looks like silence, hydration, rest, meditation, good food, and exercise. What does it look like to you?

Abundance and Gratitude at Thanksgiving

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Today as we prepare for the coming Thanksgiving holiday and all the bounty of harvest, hearth, and home, I am reflecting on abundance. I am reflecting on the wealth and beauty that we have in our possession already. I am full. I know I often reflect on gratitude and this is the perfect week to remember all of those things and people that I am grateful to have an hold. I also want to hold still and absorb the abundance of joy and connection this time of year brings. 

Like many of our holidays since COVID-19 took hold nearly two years ago this year’s celebrations will be scaled back and shaped differently than years before. On Thanksgiving 2020 we took a totally different route to our celebrations. We usually gather with extended family and even borrow chairs from the local funeral home to accommodate the crowd that gathers at our long tables. Last year, instead of that annual gathering of cousins, family, friends, and long lost relatives we stayed home. We hosted no-one and celebrated our own small family gathering. It was gorgeous. I broke out the fine china, used a fresh cocktail recipe, and old traditional foods. Everything was smaller than usual, but it’s intimacy made the experience so much richer.

Because there were so few of us, we did not have the constant flow of conversation or people popping in and out, we prepared our meal, dressed for dinner, and when the days preparations were done in the blink of an eye we let the children bathe and put their jammies on early. We decorated the tree, we savored each  other’s company and when we toasted our health we truly meant it. Our time as a family took on a new sacredness under the light of our small hearth and the glow of Christmas lights. 

This year we have yet to determine how we will celebrate the day. Like many families, not everyone in our circle is vaccinated and while our children cannot yet be vaccinated we will not be gathering. Instead of seeing this as a disappointment, we are going to focus on our good fortune. How lucky are we that we have so many people in our lives with whom we wish to spend the day? How fortunate we are to have enough to food to share. We are truly blessed with health and love. We are surrounded by the spirits of those who have gone before us and by the love that fills each of our hearts when we are together as well as when we are apart. We are also fortunate to know and love so many people with so many perspectives. The diversity of our community is what makes us all stronger. 

I am grateful for all of these things and more. I am surrounded by wealth and abundance. It is my good fortune and joy that there is so much food, family, love, and light to share on these shorter and shorter days. There is nothing easy about this disease but it has given us a new perspective. It has given us back to the outdoors and spending time outside with friends. It has given us opportunities to deepen our connections with those friends and family that truly fill us up. And it has given us the time to draw comfort and consolation from the world by rekindling the love we build in our homes. How fortunate we all are and how grateful I am that this season is upon us and that we have such an abundance of blessings to celebrate together either virtually or just in our hearts. 

What are you looking forward to this holiday season? Are vaccinations making it easier or harder for you to gather with loved ones? What are you most grateful for this year?