Tag: Mental wellness

Painting + Flow

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There is the patter of rain on the windows and roof, I am settled into my seat, lemon water at my side and my tummy rumbling for a sweet treat – I keep cookies in my desk drawer for these occasions. I am feeling good – processed. I recently missed an opportunity that I thought might be for me. It was disappointing and I allowed myself to wallow yesterday. I needed a day to be angry and frustrated. Today, I needed to get into flow, so I painted.

An easel sits across from me in my office. It typically holds a painting that I am working on or a blank canvas waiting to be filled. Today the paint and my ideas flowed. I am feeling quite satisfied to have created something I know to be beautiful and believe to be good. I also have had the idea to ask the local frame shop if on Friday afternoons I might paint in their front window – possibly to draw customers in and hopefully sell a few of my pieces. It might be fun and it is something that occurred to me as I painted.

That’s the beauty of creative work, it frees the mind to wander. And gives space to let the imagination roam. There’s actually a pile of research on the benefits of somewhat mindless activities like painting. These tasks help us get into slower brain waves that bring us into flow and help us to make connections in our brains more efficiently. When our brains are in the state of flow we’re able to bring together a variety of ideas to create a new and unique solution. To learn more about the research I would encourage you to read The Art of Impossible by Steve Kotler. 

When I create I get to consider imaginary situations, topics that I have thoughts on but haven’t had the time to process. For me painting is meditative. When I am in the midst of my work it is easy to loose track of time. I feel completely absorbed in the best way possible, choosing colors, creating patterns or destroying them. It is powerful and empowering to simply focus on my work and what I want to do next. Painting frees me to finally think clearly. It gives me a fun medium in which I can make mistakes or change my mind and the consequences are minimal. It is freeing and makes my soul sing.

Whatever you do today I hope you give yourself some space to create. I notice that when I don’t make room in my life to act on my inspirations I feel cranky and stifled. Why make ourselves miserable for no reason? With that in mind I am grateful and excited to see what beauty we create in the world next. For now I’m focusing on this canvas and what colors and images come next. It’s a very good day, I hope yours is too!

Prevention: Combat Negative Self-Talk

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Having a safe place to call home begins with being a safe place to call home. Being a safe place begins with being gentle with ourselves and healing our mental space. We do this by questioning the negative self-talk that is happening inside our heads. Research has shown that almost 80% of the commentary that is running through our minds is negative. And worse than that these thoughts are repetitive. It is downright obnoxious to hear unwelcome criticism all day and fortunately there are tools to combat negative self-talk.

Now, there are some of us who do not have this problem and to you I say, congratulations! Pop over and read another post because you have already skipped this level. Research has shown that not everyone has an internal monologue, let alone a negative commenter that opines on every choice we make from which shirt to wear to how we drive. If you’re interested in learning more about this phenomenon in layman’s terms IFL Science has a great article on it.

For those of us with that ongoing negative stream of consciousness it is important to question your inner bully. Basic questions can quickly derail this voice. And beyond derailment you may be able to free yourself for the repetitive negative messaging. You can ask, is what they are saying true? Would you let someone talk to your best friend or child like that? If you wouldn’t, it’s time to question that inner bully and make them prove what they’re saying is true. Spoiler – it isn’t.

To get out of this negative mindset I find it easier to start by bringing my attention to the present moment. We cannot solve the problem in the same state we created it. Try some of the following and go with whatever works best for you.

Breathe deeply

Meditate

Take a 20 minute walk

Whatever helps you get away from the situation for a moment and give yourself the gift of fresh air and a fresh perspective. 

When you’re ready the following tools can help you to question your own inner monologue.* The best way I have found to do this is by writing. Ask your inner bully questions and write back the answers you receive. If something is not true, call them on it and see what they say. Make time to do this before you’re feeling at your lowest. Like an oil change, an intervention every so often is much easier than a full engine overhaul. This way as your inner bully attempts to build momentum, or get in the way of your success, you already know the tricks it will use. 

You also quickly realize that this voice is not speaking the truth about you. Recognizing that the voice, even though it is in your own head, is not honest makes a big difference in how you feel when you hear it. A lot like medical advice, from a trained physician familiar with your health history is appreciated. Medical advice from a stranger on the street or the gas station attendant may be suspect. 

When you recognize that just because you think something, that doesn’t make it true, you free yourself to believe the real and good things about yourself. 

When your head is a healthy and supportive place to be then you can move mountains. The disappointing news is that that voice never goes away. But when you stop responding by feeling worse about yourself it gets quieter and you are free. When you combat your negative self-talk you no longer need to live in negativity. And you are no longer held back from pursuing your goals because a voice in your head told you not to. You take away the power of that voice to limit your growth. 

We are all spending more time with ourselves these days and having a practical conversation with your inner bully is a quick way to set new ground rules, to reframe the conversation and make your mental space a comfortable and healthy place to be rather than the first place you hear negative feedback. Give yourself the gift of creating a healthy headspace and see if it doesn’t shift your perspective and your life.


How have you found ways to ignore or get through the negativity of your inner bully? What steps do you take to remind yourself that what you are hearing from your inner critic is not necessarily true?

*As always, please seek the help of a professional if you don’t feel comfortable taking on this exercise on your own. We can all benefit from professional guidance and assistance when focusing on our mental health.

Give to Yourself First

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We give so much of ourselves to the world – our families, friends, work, and extracurriculars. All of the obligations and opportunities we engage in demand our time, attention, and commitment. As we work to give the best of our capabilities and ourselves to these worthy projects and duties it is important to remember to give the best of yourself to yourself. 

In the trials of daily life – that may actually be trials, challenges and difficulties but may also be routines, opportunities, and responsibilities – we have the opportunity to give away all that we have to others and the world. Or we have the choice to intentionally nourish ourselves so that these regular or typical events do not drain us and leave us feeling winded or in need of a break.

When we rush to fulfill everyone else’s expectations first we can find ourself depleted and lacking energy because we have saved nothing for ourselves. However, when we serve ourselves first we create space and give ourselves room to be nurtured and supported. If we never stop for water we will die long before we finish the race. Like any trained marathoner we know that to pursue our goals, and show up in the world the way we want to, we have to feed ourselves and meet our needs first. This can include basic self-care like hydration or getting enough sleep. It can also look like taking a night off, giving yourself a weekend away, or a social media detox. 

Making time to care for yourself is not selfish, nor is it a luxury. Caring for yourself is your first responsibility – not to the world or your employer – but to yourself. The adage, you cannot pour from an empty cup, comes to mind. Or the idea that when you are spent you have nothing left to give. There is no sense in running yourself ragged. If you choose to overexert yourself you will be always operating on a deficit, which serves no one. In order to arrive each day excited and eager to engage with the world rather than exhausted and resentful we must take care of ourselves. I know this from experience and I suspect you do too. When we press ourselves beyond our abilities or function with less than what we need from others, ourselves, or without the basic nourishment and boundaries that keep us healthy, we are unhappy. We are short and frustrated and oftentimes we’re too tired to investigate why. 

Next time, instead of running yourself harder when you already feel tired, take a break. Get a sip of water and take some deep breaths. Give yourself the space and time you need to recalibrate and align yourself with your goals. Rather than running around in circles or showing up worse for the wear, take a break and stretch, focus on caring for yourself not because you wish to serve others but because you are worthy and deserving of love, care, and attention – all of those wonderful things you already give to the world.

Body Knows Best: Trusting What You Already Know

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Today I meditated for 40 minutes. This is not a humble brag and I’ll tell you right away, I did not intend to do it. I awoke as if from a nap and in a haze, scrambling to return emails and complete tasks. 

Here’s another thing I’ll tell you, that time was a gift and I needed it. I am a firm believer in our bodies being attune to what we need, most days more than our minds lead us to believe. My mind overrides the messages my body sends me all the time. 

Body: “I’m hungry.”

Mind: “It’s bedtime, I’m not going downstairs for snacks.”

Body: “I’m tired.”

Mind: “We’ll just read this next chapter.”

Body: “I need care and attention. I just want to stretch.”

Mind: Emailing.

The goals are always pure. Keep a schedule. Eat a variety of healthy proteins, vegetables, and fruits. Deep condition your hair once a week. Give yourself a facial or a hydrating mask. At the end a of a long week, take a relaxing bath. Use the cabinet full of elixirs, potions, and sweet smelling mixtures designed to tempt you to care for your whole self. Get enough sleep. Exercise and meditate daily. These are all such good intentions. 

The reality is that I hit maybe 50% of these on a given day. Great sleep, schedule is out the window. Exercise – must grab quick lunch, a clif bar will have to do until dinner. None of it is intentional and I often wonder what a luxury it would be to live an independently wealthy life where my personal interests, goals, and self-care agenda were my primary concerns. But until that happens I am here and now in my reality – which is insanely blessed and beautiful. 

Some days it’s just hard. And somedays I meditate for forty minutes and feel like a golden goddess for finally reaching this goal but also guilty for it interrupting the rest of my schedule. I’m deciding right now, to put a pin in the guilt. I’m just going to celebrate the fact that this is a milestone. A moment I did not honestly imagine myself getting too, especially because my meditation practice is sporadic at best. Who knew? Clearly my body did, it gave me the time, the focus, the energy that my mind denied requiring in order to push through to the next goal, the next accomplishment. Instead, this was my goal for the day and I didn’t even know it. Lucky me. 

Body Wisdom

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Today I meditated for 40 minutes. This is not a humble brag and I’ll tell you right away, I did not intend to do it. I awoke as if from a nap and in a haze, scrambling to return emails and complete tasks before the end of business hours. 

Here’s another thing I’ll tell you, that time was a gift and I needed it. I am a firm believer in our bodies being attune to what we need, most days more than our inner monologue or mind would lead us to believe. I override the messages my body sends me all the time. 

Body: “I’m hungry.”

Mind: “It’s bedtime, I’m not going downstairs for snacks.”

Body: “I’m tired.”

Mind: “We’ll just read this next chapter.”

Body: “I need care and attention. I just want to stretch.”

Mind: Emailing.

My goals are always pure. Keep a schedule. Eat a variety of healthy proteins, vegetables, and fruits. Deep condition your hair once a week. Give yourself a facial or a hydrating mask weekly. At the end a of a long day, take a relaxing bath. Use the cabinet full of elixirs, potions, and sweet smelling mixtures designed to tempt me to care of my whole self. Get enough sleep. Exercise and meditate daily. These are all such good intentions. 

The reality is that I hit maybe 50% of these on a given day. Great sleep, schedule is out the window. Exercise – must grab quick lunch, a clif bar will have to do until dinner. None of it is intentional and I often wonder what a luxury it would be to live an independently wealthy life where my personal interests, goals, and self-care agenda were my primary concerns. But until that happens I am here and now in my reality – which is insanely blessed and beautiful. 

Some days it’s just hard. And somedays I meditate for forty minutes and feel like a golden goddess for finally reaching this goal but also guilty for it interrupting the rest of my schedule. I’m deciding right now, to put a pin in the guilt. I’m just going to celebrate the fact that this is a milestone. A moment I did not honestly imagine myself reaching, especially because my meditation practice is sporadic at best.

Who knew? Clearly my body did, it gave me the time, the focus, the energy that my mind denied requiring in order to push through to the next goal, the next accomplishment. This was my goal for the day and I didn’t even know it. Lucky me. Thank goodness my body knew what was best, even when my mind did not.