Tag: Oprah

Subtracting to Add

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I recently watched an interview Trevor Noah, the former host of the Daily Show, did with Oprah. He asked her after having spoken with so many leaders in fields spanning all areas of interest and society what contributes most effectively to a person’s success. Oprah’s response was simple, “Everything – every choice and movement you make needs to be aligned with your purpose.” 

When you know your purpose you can direct your course towards making that path the one you choose to follow. Distractons delay, detour, or completely knock us off course. When you decide what it is that you want to do in this life and in the world – every step and decision you make should be in pursuit of that higher goal. Your energy, be it at rest or in motion, needs to be focused on that goal. 

To me it seemed much like writing a novel. Every line needs to have a role. Every word written must be necessary and relevant. Superfluous language or details only distract from your message. The purpose is the clarity of your story. If any line, paragraph, or sentence is not in service to telling your story, delete it. Every word must reveal more about your characters, provide your reader with necessary and relevant information, or it needs to be removed. Anything extra is distracting from that message. As an author this makes sense to me. It creates a solid ground and structure that I can follow. I am on a path and as I make my way towards my goal I only stay on the path that leads to better telling of this story. 

According to Oprah, this works in life as well. When you focus on your goal nothing should distract you. I have found that my heart knows what it wants it prioritizes that path anyway. The things I don’t want to do are so difficult for me to force myself to complete. There is mental and sometimes physical resistance to the things that do not serve my true purpose. It’s difficult and draining when I’m doing things that are not in service to my goal. 

I would encourage you to look at the things you are doing. What tasks feel like a breeze and you could do them all day? What projects or tasks feel like an absolute slog?

Keep a list beside you as you go through a regular day. Draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left side list the items that feel like a dream and delight you. On the other side of the line write down the tasks you completed but didn’t enjoy at all. Some things are necessary evils, we have to wash the dishes if we want to eat off of clean plates tomorrow. There are also some tasks that we do simply because we feel obligated. What terrible duties do you feel exhausted by? They are taking too much time and energy. Is it possible to delegate these tasks or remove them from your chore list entirely? Are they necessary? 

As you subtract those tasks that are not aligned with your true purpose and higher power you may find that not only are you happier but you are also free to pursue more of the good things that bring you joy and align with who you are. It may mean subtracting relationships, tasks, etc. But as you make room in your life for joy, purpose, and your dreams, life becomes a lot richer and more fulfilling. You are create space for those events, people, and projects that deeply nourish you and fuel your pursuit of your goals rather than distracting you from them. 

Emotional Guideposts

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In difficult situations I sometimes find myself experiencing deja vu. It is as if the universe brings an old lesson to me to see if I am paying attention. It seems like there are lessons that I am learning again and again and the universe is just checking to see how far I’ve come on it. It’s not easy to recognize our patterns but as we age we can sometimes see the themes repeating themselves. Each time we have the opportunity to change the ending ever so slightly for the better.

You might notice this too – how situations in our lives repeat themselves. I’ve heard it said that even in relationships that fall apart, oftentimes we rush back to that same point with a new partner. We’re with someone new and yet having those same conflicts all over again. This happens in all our lives. Our job is to learn from those situations so that we may move forward. Instead of repeating the same cycle again and again.

This can be easier said than done. To help myself I’ve started using my emotions as guideposts. I do this by feeling my emotions while also being attentive to what they’re telling me. Especially really strong emotions like anger, fear, or any derivative of those two. When I feel these super strong emotions they are indicators that my boundaries have not been respected, or that I feel particularly unsafe or insecure. The emotional guideposts are messages and our job is to pay attention and figure out what it is they are telling us. Our emotions are there for a reason.

Recently a familiar lesson has come around again for me. It is frustration at a perceived lack of control – my inclination is always to take over and be in charge. Pick me and I can do it, oldest child reporting for duty. But instead of having the power to fix the situation I find myself confronted with obstacles. There are obstinate conflicts and other people in the way. In fact, they are the owners of the situation and my role is to step back and let them. 

It’s a tricky lesson to learn. As many of you already know, letting people manage their own situations is a challenge. It’s easy to get drawn in – but the lesson is that this is not my situation to fix. I am only here to do my work, not anyone else’s. Period.

This realization usually comes after a lot of emotional investment or self-righteous anger – both signals that we want to recognize. This time I noticed my emotional guideposts. What’s even better was when I recognized the situation I knew what to do, I needed to step back and realign. Oprah says she recognizes these situations by saying, “I see you God!” And I think that perspective is so refreshing. That’s the message – these situations and our emotional guideposts are not here for us to stumble. They are here to help us on our path. If we are overly invested and involved in everyone else’s drama, problems, or challenges we are certainly NOT focused on our own journeys. 

There’s a Polish proverb, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Whenever I feel the temptation to involve myself in a project or situation that is not mine I remind myself to step back. The phrase makes me laugh and helps me to clearly define my role. I’m not here to manage the world. I am only here to manage myself and learn all that I can about myself and what it means to be me.

How do you remind yourself to stay in your own lane? What lessons do you find the universe bringing into your life over and over again? How have you changed your own patterns for the better?