Tag: patience

Spring Forward

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As we enter the new and fresh season of spring I am inspired a new. My energy is refreshed by the buds on the trees and hints of green arriving each morning. I myself am feeling renewed and eager to spring forward. After the winter month’s of reflection and rest, I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of spring. We had fresh and warm days this past weekend and their sunlight and beauty brought me back to myself. 

All winter it has been a challenge for me to motivate myself to get out into the weather. I have not wanted go for a walk or even skiing which usually brings me joy. Nothing was able to tempt me from the coziness of the fire, the comfort of a good book, and the warmth of my family room. I felt no desire to see other people or to adventure further than the rooms in my home. I have felt the need to hibernate. While that conservation of energy has been nourishing, the break in the weather has me eager to burn that fuel. I am ready to get out into the elements.

The delight of birdsong, the simple comfort of warmer temperatures brings joy. The inspiration of watching nature put on her finest has me eager to dress up my own home. I am excited to see what this new season brings and I am eager to share all that I have been reflecting on and learning. 

My seasonal hibernation has been full of reflection, contemplation, and the simple acts of unearthing the wisdom kept within myself. The knowledge of generations held deep in my bones and DNA. The very essence of life and my connection to the divine. I am hopeful that like a bird taking flight I will be able to delight in this new season. As we spring forward my plan is to share what I have unearthed and blossom where I am planted. I am eager to share and see what we have learned together.

What have you been working on this winter? Do you feel ready to share? Do you still need time to reflect and create privately before you share your art with the world?

5 Steps to Generate Momentum in Your Creativity

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As I clear out space and complete tasks that have long been on my list it sometimes feels like trying to drink from a firehose. There are so many projects that I have long awaited making progress on that I am now feeling as if a dam has burst and it flowing fast and furiously. As I feel myself taking steps toward accomplishing my goals I am also trying not to get ahead of myself or rush. 

It’s a balancing act to both pursue my goals but also to take my time. I remind myself not to expect everything to be finished right away. Lunch and showers and the regular activities of life still need to happen every day. Therefore, instead of feeling disappointed that I have not done, “more,” I am going to stay in the joyful space of gratitude. I am grateful to myself for all I have done over the last several days. Rather than feel disappointed that I did not do more I am going to feel grateful for my patience and will hold myself in gratitude as I continue to move forward. 

Humility + Gratitude

Life has a way of humbling us when we rush too quickly or stay still. Staying in gratitude is one way to counteract the arrogance that can arise when we feel particularly proud of ourselves. Gratitude also prevents us from standing still. When we have so much to be grateful for we want to share that gift.

When I am not in gratitude I freeze – unsure of what to do next. I feel frustrated when I can’t decide where to begin. I “strategize,” which is another way of saying overthinking my every move. It has been incredibly freeing to simply take small steps forward. Lately I have been able to do just that. It is elevating my mood and my disposition. It’s an interesting shift from the obstructive and frozen place I was in before this watershed moment.

Small Steps Create Momentum

As I make gentle progress I am also striving to stay grounded. I know that I can do many things but I cannot do all things. I will move ahead but I will never be, “done.” I may step forward and then need to recalibrate to decide what comes next and that is all ok. Patience is appropriate and necessary to my progress and my growth. 

Affirmations

When I am shifting away from overthinking it helps to state some clear affirmations. These reminders help me to focus and realign. Here are some of the mantras I use to ground myself: I am doing the work I was put upon this planet to complete. I am following my intuition and being attentive to my own desires, wants and needs. I am sitting in the sun rather than watching it trace a  path across the floor. I am showing up for myself and for my own life. I am doing what I was destined and designed to do. I am allowing the Creator to express their creativity through me. I am making myself an instrument for even greater creativity and to allow the energy that inspires me to flow through me and my work so that someone else may feel and experience the sensations I am feeling right now. 

Sharing to Complete the Cycle

It is uplifting and humbling at the same time to know that my showing up and allowing myself to follow my path is only part of my work’s journey. I am creating art, organizing words, and allowing this sacred and universal energy to flow through me. And this energy will move through me and my work to inspire others – like you dear reader. 

This is just the beginning, or perhaps even the middle, as I have been inspired by countless artists and visionaries. It’s hard to say where this creative force began. Perhaps it is more like a circle, it never begins or ends but keeps going. Creativity is a self-fulfilling journey of shared and complicit co-creation throughout the universe and throughout all time. How wonderful to be a tiny piece of this universal journey. It is a gift to be a piece of the ever changing landscape of creativity. It feels so simple and simultaneously transformative. It is an incredible honor to be fulfilling my purpose in this way. 

Have you ever felt so deeply connected to universal energy and to what your true purpose is in life? Isn’t it awesome? I am humbled and deeply touched to be a part of this creative cycle. This cyclone of creation and creativity. Thank you for reading and for sharing this creative journey with me.

Centering: Using the Tools we have to Ground Ourselves

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This weekend in the absence of meditation I have been feeling discombobulated. I have had so many thoughts running through my mind that it’s hard to pick and choose where my natural beginning is to be found. Which task needs to be addressed first – what is my next right thing? Fortunately, when I start to feel overwhelmed I have the tools to bring myself back into the equation and to find my way back to my own center. 

The temptation may be to scroll through my phone or search for wisdom from some outside expert. Sometimes I follow this rabbit hole but the answer is already here inside of me. I know the answer already. There is no sage wisdom that someone else possesses – we possess it inside ourselves already. In short, I got this. 

I recover from this feeling with meditation or writing. I write out all of the half-sentences, and half-baked ideas swirling around in my head like a list. I let them flow out of me and onto the page and eventually they start to make sense. There’s a deeper meaning that is hidden beneath the layers of surface distraction. And whatever it is, that small whisper has room to come through when I get all of that extra background noise out of the way.

Once it is out of the way I focus on my intentions and what I want and need. That means eating well, drinking enough water, and tending to myself as if I am precious. It means investing in myself and giving myself the time and attention I need to feel balanced. Focusing internally allows us to redirect the energy that can be lost quickly when I am looking to someone else to guide me or give directions. I follow my own marching orders and to do that I need to be nourished, healthy, well rested, and to be kind to myself. The little voice inside of me that longs to be heard will not shout – it is my job to silence the external din so that I can listen within myself and find what I am looking for there. 

Each of us has a mission and a purpose in this world. Our role is not to understand or explain it. Our role is to show up and give our best. What’s incredible is that even as I write this I feel the tugs of self-doubt and fear that our society indoctrinates young women to feel. But I also feel the soaring of my heart when I listen to myself, when I reward myself and don’t silence the vision I hold of the future. We all have so much to give the world and we can only share our gifts if we slow down, look within, and share our souls. 

To me this looks like silence, hydration, rest, meditation, good food, and exercise. What does it look like to you?

Patient Progress: One Bite of the Bear at a Time

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This week the progress on our new home has shifted into slow-mo. It feels like every moment I am working and when I am not working I am preparing food. Meal planning, ordering, and preparation while a necessary task is also an obligation that requires time and attention and energy that feels as if it could be better spent unpacking and organizing. With extra hands here we had the support necessary to accomplish several tasks at once. The speed at which we could work was accelerated and now that we are just two adult hands on deck, and both of us working full time, it feels like we are constantly being pulled in opposite directions. If we are eating, our children want to play. If we are working, they want to be with us. If we are attempting to organize or unpack a box, they are at the opposite end of the house unpacking whatever cabinets we have just organized.

It is incredibly frustrating and it feels like everyone wants a piece of my time, of my energy, of my day. I am trying to stay grounded, to focus on one task at a time but that is difficult when I hear a crash in the other room or the raised voices of children in conflict because their parents are otherwise engaged. 

Crock pot meals rise to the top of my list and the thought of potentially hiring a nanny. These are tempting thoughts that would make things easier in our household. I’m also working on taking one bite of the bear at a time. I am trying to order one necessary item or one easily solvable problem to address each day. Unpack a box of towels at lunch – this is quickly done and it is one more box done. On the weekends the goal has been one room a day but that progress has slowed significantly as I no longer have our nanny here to distract our children, run interference, or do the heavy lifting that requires a quick solution that I am too overwhelmed to find myself. 

I am grateful for the help we have had over the past couple weeks. I am grateful for the support and am realizing now how necessary and valuable that added pair of hands is when they are competent, deft, and eager to assist. That level of intervention is not only necessary but appreciated. My goals may have shifted from the completion of an entire room down to a single box or drawer but I am getting there. Progress is being made. And while the larger projects like power washing the porches and walk ways, building the cabinet that holds all of our guest blankets and towels, purchasing furniture to fill all of the empty spaces in our home will have to wait. In this moment and at this time I am taking baby steps. I am moving forward slowly but surely. 

The big shifts will come eventually. Right now the goal is just to keep moving forward. To rest when we need it, to relax and hold space for ourselves. To recognize and appreciate that progress comes in small steps and as we downsize a box here and a bin there we are still creating space in our home for the right things to find us. We are crafting the life we want in our dream home and that takes patience and time. It takes constant and gentle progress to move ahead. We cannot always move in leaps and bounds. Some days we must plod and some days we must sit still, but we continue to move forward. We continue to find our way toward our shared goals. We will make it. This too shall pass. Everything arrives at its appointed time, my only duty is to enjoy the ride, to savor the sweet and wonderful moments, to make progress where I can but also to trust the process. It is working, just as I continue to work. We each have a job to do and we will get there at the exact right time. It just takes faith, trust, and patience and I can practice each of those. 

How do you take time to rest and recover? How do you show patience and kindness to yourself as you work towards a larger goal?

Snowy Days and Warm Thoughts

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The snow is falling heavy and thick this afternoon. It is filling in all of the steps we took this morning and burying further the lawn, snow forts, and snow people built just this weekend. The snow is elegant and slow-falling but it is thorough in its work, coving every branch, driveway, and surface it meets. It reminds me to be grateful of all that we are right now – everything changes so quickly. 

It occurs to me that in my January posts I wrote a lot about resolutions and how to make the most of the year to come. And while these steps are important and necessary, I don’t want to suggest that who we are and where we are right now is in any need of change or modification.

In the midst of COVID, we have become more focused on self-care. We are recognizing that health, both physical and mental, requires daily investment and accountability. However, part of caring for ourselves is going easy on ourselves. We are in the midst of a pandemic, and a very real snowstorm and there is no more powerful reminder of how tender we need to be than driving in the snow. We cannot stop completely for every sign. We cruise through unplowed roads, considering if the turn can be done before another car comes towards us in onward traffic or if the car behind us will have time to stop. Then having made the calculation and the turn, we pray that our own tires will be sure in their connection to the road, that the momentum of our wheels will take us directly downhill and not send us skidding off course into someone’s lawn or worse yet, some obstruction that cannot be moved, the curb, or a tree – they are so beautiful this time of year.

The beauty of the snowfall is its gentle nature, but snow is also a force to be recovered with even in small amounts. You will not rush to go anywhere in a snowstorm, even the mailbox requires a steady and slow step. 

Making changes in our lives can be wonderful and inspirational. However, I hope you undertake these modifications with the same slow pace and caution you would use to drive in the snow or walk downhill in fresh powder. Take your time, be patient, and gentle with yourself as you would the accelerator. Tenderness towards yourself is not something to be earned or apologized for – we are all going through a hell of a year, we are entering year three of Covid-19 and we are already doing enough. Supply chain demands, illness, and the very real mental strain this pandemic has put on all of us cannot be overestimated. We are all being deeply impacted and changed by this disease, and we are all transforming. 

We do not need to hold ourselves to the standards or timelines of the past. And I hope you know this in your heart, hope you realize that living with urgency is not as necessary as living with intention. That being patient and kind to yourself helps the world. When we are kinder to ourselves we show others how they may be more gentle to themselves and to others. Every act of tender self-care is an act of defiance and I hope you leave some wiggle room in your resolutions for ease. 

I hope you release yourself from the demands of performative progress. We are all transforming under this blanket of snow. We may be hibernating and stuck inside for a while longer but much like trees who loose their leaves in the fall, we are not dead, but only waiting for the spring to show all that we’ve been working on this winter. Be gentle with yourselves, cozy up by the fire, make a hot chocolate, watch the snowfall and bake cookies. It may be a new year but it is also a long journey and if we don’t stop to take care of ourselves we’ll never finish the race. Shovel the walk before you go to get the mail, take your time, it’s a beautiful time of year, if we only stop to savor it.

Small Solutions for Bigger Problems

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I am working through a challenge right now where I am being asked to trust the process and the universe – this is not easy! Anyone who has ever sought faith or belief in a higher power has been forced to confront this terrible requirement that is both incredibly easy – once you accept it. But also insanely challenging when you fight acceptance. We fight letting go because everything in our modern life encourages us to believe that we have control. Fortunately and unfortunately we have no control over the world, our circumstances, or the situations in which we live. However, we do control ourselves, our choices, and the way we show up in the world. 

I feel it, deep within me, I am fighting this new development. I want to control the outcome and jump to the part where I chuckle over this resistance and use it as an anecdote for how enlightened and accepting I am… well, I’m not there yet! 

So while I await for enlightenment and acceptance to arrive I am going to do the things I know how to do first. When problems get big I get small. I start doing the small works I never seem to have time to accomplish. I’m going to get to mending those items in the laundry basket – they’ve sat there for ages. I will get organized, all of those paper documents that need to be filed, saved, or shredded – the ever evolving pile of paper that seems to grow on any horizontal surface will be dealt with now. I am cleaning house. Actions that I can delegate will be passed on. Anything that can be taken off of my to-do list will be eliminated or automated. My various lists and plans will be combined and shortened.

While in the midst of this process I received an incredible gift. I called our dental insurance provider over a technical glitch. I was passed from one staffer to another. Even though I was feeling feisty I opened with a genuine greeting – if there is one thing we can learn from Southern women it is that we always say ‘hello,’ and greet one another before asking for anything, it’s just good manners. But once that was done, I answered honestly. I shared that I was frustrated and I told the agent why. She offered me a real solution, and gave me the option to take it. I said, “Yes!” She gave me less work to do and more time for everything else!

What a surprise and what a thrill, to be given the gift of time by a stranger. I could have played coy or put on some fake tone that customer service representatives see right through anyway but I didn’t. I showed up authentically, I told her where I was coming from and she genuinely helped. She saw my problem but saw also the larger picture. I did not need to waste any more time creating an account because the work I was trying to do would be done by my employer and it would have been a waste of my time. So thank the universe for that first customer service agent who forwarded me to someone who could help more than they could and God bless Bernice who gave me the gift of time and less work to do.

Challenges we face may not be solved right away, like that first customer service agent we may not have all the answers but we know someone who can help. And the way we transfer the call or get to that next level is to do the first level work. We show up to do the laundry folding, the file organization, the refilling of soap dispensers. The stuff that doesn’t really change the world but can really change our day. Show up and do that little stuff and the bigger stuff comes though. It gets done or as I’m folding socks an answer occurs to me. It’s just practical advice, when the problem seems too big, get small. Do the little things you know how to do and it will all come together. And even if it takes a hot minute for the answer to come, you will have mended socks, folded laundry, organized piles, and shredded documents – all of these small tasks accumulate to make a greater impact on the day, and your mood. Eventually those small steps become a Bernice moment, they clear the way so that you have more time, more ease, and less stress. Acceptance is a lot easier from that perspective. 

What do you do when you feel a conflict of faith? Or find yourself trying to control the outcome? Where do you find balance and grace?

Listening, the Dali Lama, and Learning to be a Better Friend

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Being a better friend often means we give our time and attention but we do not give our guidance. We are not advisors, we are a support group. We listen and let others come to their own natural conclusions. It means listening to someone’s shared dreams without giving directions as to how to get there. This is NOT easy! I am so good at answers and giving direction, I am not good at letting others lead or make their own mistakes.

I was reminded of this during a recent conversation with my neighbor. I offered solutions and strategies when I was only needed to lend a listening ear. Especially since the topic was the challenges of being a Black Indigenous Person of Color (BIPOC) in the professional world. In this conversation I bring nothing to the table other than my ability to listen, learn, and support. Spoiler: I did not do that.

I wanted so badly to help that I offered any intervention I could provide. I suggested solutions when my friend was coming to me to be heard. Expressing a desire for me to understand not for me to fix her problem. I knew this and yet in the moment I promptly forgot.

And I apologized afterward after I had a moment to reflect on our conversation and consider what part I wished to play. I wanted to be of service and help but the value I brought to the conversation was deep and attentive listening to my friend. Not offering what I a white woman would do in her situation – she knows what a white lady would do, and she also knows that solution would not work for her.

I needed to take a step back to remember that my value does not come from offering solutions or fixes to societal problems. I was meant to listen, to learn, and to better understand what these challenges are like for my friends of color. I was not being asked to solve this problem but to more intimately familiarize myself with the experiences that women of color face in the work place. 

Thinking about this conversation from the perspective of a BIPOC woman made me realize how patient and wonderful my friend was to share her story with me. It made me realize how challenging these conversations must be for BIPOC to have with people who are not of color. My attempts to “fix” or “solve,” created even more work for my friend as she had to hold her ground as I attempted to push her forward. 

I am learning more about myself and vulnerability this year. I am learning that I like to cross things off of my list and make them better if at all possible. I am also learning that the “better,” I seek is not always attained through my mental or physical labor. Many times my goal is obtained through my patience, my willingness to listen and be still, my ability to let my BIPOC friends lead the conversation and let me know what they need – before I jump in to assist. 

Obviously, this translates to every relationship, being attentive to ourselves and recognizing that oftentimes the best gift we can give to others is our silence. Digest the wisdom, take it all in, don’t even think about what you will say next. As the Dali Lama once said, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” I plan to take advantage of this learning and listening much more going forward. I’m just grateful I have so many dear friends willing to walk this path beside me and share what they have learned on their own travels.

What are you re-learning or unlearning in order to be a better listener? Any tips you’d like to share on how to take a beat and be more present for each other?