Tag: peace

Guided Meditation

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Stress is a common part of modern life. Perhaps it’s one topic or several but when we’re overwhelmed we’re not our best selves. And that’s ok, one great way to ground ourselves and get calm is through a guided meditation. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to do everything on your own. As Ina Garten reminds us, “Store bought is fine.”

We start by not holding ourselves to an impossible standard. Instead let someone else guide you toward the calm or frame of mind you wish to embody. Relinquish control and the self-imposed responsibility to be perfect. Spoiler – none of us are perfect. So on days when things are feeling particularly chaotic or you’re feeling overwhelmed with emotions or demands let go. Give yourself a break and choose a guided meditation to to not only soothe your nerves but also to remind you of the path you have chosen for yourself. 

One of the really lovely things about paying attention to our bodies and our mental state is that we notice when something is awry. Rather than behaving in ways that are not true to ourselves we’re able to stop and refocus. We are able to prevent ourselves from acting out. Whenever I feel as if I am getting carried away with emotion or stress that is my body’s signal, I need to meditate. And, whenever possible, take the easy route and let someone else guide your focus. When we’re already worked up it’s hard to get into a calm frame of mind. It’s ok to look elsewhere for coaching – it’s how we level up our self-care. Guided meditations are an easy way to get out of a negative mindset and escape the pressure to be perfect.

How do you level up your self-care?

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Serenity this Holiday Season

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In the holiday rush and excitement it seems there is always one more thing to do. Another quick stop at the grocery store, one more gift, and one last batch of cookies. We are in the midst of the season and I am finding myself wanting to slow down. There’s this anticipation for the holidays that I don’t think we ever outgrow, this desire to celebrate, gather, and unite. But even in the midst of carols, cheer, and cards – I am finding myself longing for simplicity. I have high hopes for serenity this holiday season.

It seems every moment of this time of year is allocated to more than one thing. Watching White Christmas while wrapping presents, and sipping a fine scotch is a tradition that one of our couple friends enjoy. It’s lovely and it’s all of the things at one time. I like to make cookies, listen to carols, and let the kiddos help. This increases the challenge of any undertaking. But last night was a low key night – pizza and a roaring fire. We all cuddled up and colored in coloring books.

Each of us had our own design and we shared colored pencils. The tree was aglow, there were carols on in the kitchen, we did not plan this. It was a serendipitous moment in time but we were all present and engaged. I’d be lying if I did not admit there was some bickering over who got the red next. But overwhelmingly it was lovely. 

And that magic is what I’m after. My hopes for serenity are answered in the surprise of a quiet family evening at home. The delight of being together and having one another close. It was a seasonal moment because without the cold there would be no fire or decorated tree without Christmas coming – but they were all there, we were all home. We were not rushing toward some accomplishment, a lesson, duty, or obligation. We are all present and celebrating the season in our own small way. It didn’t cost us anything and the moment was lovely, it was sweet, serene, and holy. And I am going to savor that moment for a long time.

It was so good, I completely forgot to take a picture –  but I’m writing about it here so we don’t forget that when looking for a pause and a break from the carousel that is the holiday season, one brunch and party after another it can be such a gift to sit still on the bench and just watch the show together. What a gift that we are not alone, that we have one another, and that we do not need to perform our joy or show off our happiness. We could just enjoy the company of our family, talk and compliment one another’s creativity, and be together in this moment in time. That is a gift for which I am truly grateful.

Do you have hopes for serenity this season? What makes the holidays special for you? Are there any quiet traditions you love or that you’re hoping to start this year? If you’re looking for ideas there’s a list posted here.

Sharing Our Peace

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My first time meditating after a couple weeks of traveling and I feel melty. The comfortable embrace of the duvet. The soothing tones of the guided meditation. I am not feeling wrapped up with some new idea or concept that I must talk to you about. Even though there are a million thoughts and ideas I want to share and savor by writing them out for you. Right now I am thinking of my own inner peace and my true desire to be of help to others. 

Perhaps today’s message is not so much about helping others but about how we choose to engage. Our role is not to be the solution but to be a port in the storm. A temporary life preserver or raft that helps someone take a break so that they may find their own way. We all need a friendly port from time to time, somewhere to rest and recover. Someone who sees that we are in trouble and reaches out to help.

In order to reach others we need to come from our own place of calm. Peacefulness can stem from calm seas and also personal choice. We are responsible for our own actions, attitude, and mood. It is when we are in our own comfort or peacefulness that we are able to be attentive to what is happening outside ourselves. And perhaps that too is a way to give ourselves peace by asking after a friend, reaching out to someone we love.

I’d like to make a distinction here between reaching out from a sense of comfort to share our bounty. As opposed to reaching out as an attempt to control or out of a codependency habit. We are not enmeshing ourselves in someone else business or their problems. Not solving their problems for them but making ourselves available to listen. Offering only support, not guidance or direction.

Offer a helping hand but not at risk of falling into the abyss yourself. Brenee Brown talks about being a supportive friend or partner when someone is in a pit of despair (Princess Bride, anyone?). We do not help others if we crawl into the hole with them just to suffer by their side. It is not supportive to sacrifice ourselves so that someone else my climb out of the hole and escape. Our role is to be there with our friends as they figure out their own escape. We call down what we see from our position or reach out a helping hand when they are ready for it. Think of this like handing a racer water as they run past – you’re not in the race but your are facilitating its completion.

These metaphors can sometimes cloud the issue but they drive home the same point, we are not above, beyond, or better than our friends and neighbors that are suffering. We are simply in a different position. If you look around and find yourself in a place of abundance and from that position you’d like to help someone else, reach out. Let people know that you see them. To know that we are not alone has its own healing power.

Even while writing this I took a break to reach out to a friend. She is transitioning between businesses, closing down a brand she built and creating something new. I have no doubt in her abilities or her timing. But when we are in the thick of change it can be overwhelming, so I sent a supportive note to let her know I’m on her side. To tell someone we see their strength helps to fuel their progress. I know that she will weather this storm and come away stronger. And incase she forgot it herself, I offered her my peace with no agenda. Helping others feels good.

These tiny actions help others to feel seen, us to feel generous, and anyone who witnesses our kindness benefits feels good too. This reciprocity is what keeps our relationship thriving. And bonus, long after this interaction when we find ourselves in a sea of change, we will know that other’s did it, and we can too. 

How do share your peace with others? How do you reach out without getting pulled down? 

And if you’re looking for more calm in your life – here are some tips to help get you there.

5 Minutes Planning to Save 15 Minutes Work

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I am finding myself in need of the reminder that five minutes of planning will save fifteen minutes of work. I’m rushing and pushing myself to complete so much in a day, forgetting that every day will have its responsibilities, duties, and challenges. And if I am perpetually pushing myself forward toward that next thing I am not able to savor the moment nor am I accomplishing those goals that I have set for myself. I am in need of a refresh, a break, and a vacation. Lately I have been blazing through the day like a warrior, only to conk out at night exhausted but also too tired to plan for the next day. 

Today a meeting was cancelled and that was such a relief. I have over-scheduled and overcommitted myself to so many projects, it’s time to breathe and take a break. It is time to refocus and establish how I would like to show up in the world. I am grateful for the opportunity to be still for a bit. This season has seen me pressing forward and pushing through. Now it is time to rest and reconfigure. I do that by remembering that work will always be there, there will always be another task, more to do, and always someone else asking for more of me. But what I need to give is less, I need to focus on myself, align my actions with my core values and pick and choose those activities to which I will give my energy. Here’s how I’m going to do that: 

Stop: I’m going to stop jumping to finish that, “one last thing,” or shoot off a quick email. I need only to take in the information. Rushing at the speed of light does not enable me to deliver my best work. The first key to doing too much is to stop.

Breathe: The next step I am taking is finding my center, aligning myself before acting. When I rush I take on more than my fair share. I overcompensate for others and the work they are not doing. I stay busy while other people have too little to do. I need to give others the space to step in and step up to help – which they can’t do if I’m in the way. 

I need to take a little bit of time to recalibrate and decide how I want to spend my energy and my time. If it is on this project, or this call, or this email, that’s great – but if these things are not fueling me and will not satisfy my larger plan or highest self, I need to let them go.

Discern: A couple years ago my focus for the year included discernment, which is the ability to listen and trust your inner knowing. Discernment means you don’t make a snap decision, go with the crowd, or do whatever is suggested. Discernment is the practice of looking within to make your decisions and trusting that your inner and deeper knowing will guide you down the path you should be walking – it already knows where you want to end up. 

Discernment is not easy, especially because we are often marketed to, nudged, and talked into acting in certain ways. We are encouraged to buy these items, dress this way, and perform as a cast and not live as real people – who are flawed and messy and do not have perfect hair all the time. To learn more about discernment I would encourage you to read my piece on how to incorporate discernment into your daily life – what I learned after a year of practicing discernment. 

Decide and Hold Strong: Once you have made your decision or selected those items that you want in your schedule and in your life, hold your boundaries firm. We all slip and we all sometimes get submerged – or re-submerged – by the onslaught of attention and activities and FOMO. When you make a decision it’s easy to feel tempted to break your promise to yourself in order to please another person – don’t! You’re learning to trust yourself and building trust with yourself, your “you time” is your priority and it is sacred. Don’t break you appointments with yourself in order to accommodate another person, you will only feel as if you have abandoned yourself and before long you’ll be stretched too thin. (This happens and it happens all the time, in which case just jump back to step one, Stop, and follow the steps from there.

Holding space for ourselves and setting boundaries is difficult. It can be especially hard when you’re choosing from a collection of opportunities you don’t want to miss out on. But as you practice discernment and holding your boundaries you start to see and feel your life moving with new momentum towards the things and people that bring you the most joy – and isn’t that the way every day should be? Shouldn’t everything we do move us closer to our goals, highest power, and happiness? What steps do you take when things get crazy and you start to feel overwhelmed? Any tips or tricks I might want to learn too?

Finding Peace in Stillness

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I am not accomplishing anything, I am not planning my next steps I am simply here. There is sunlight pouring in through the open window. A cool fall breeze blows through the trees and all I see is open sky and leaves. Life is so beautiful in the fall. We had an exterminator come this morning. A few little mice attempted to join us as roommates this season and we are not here for that – we are not a hotel. How glorious it was to be outside in the fresh air. We walked around the house, chatted with someone new, and just absorbed the light and loveliness of a fall day. 

For lunch we grilled steaks outside and sliced them for baguette sandwiches with cartelized onions and a cream sauce of my own invention. It was a lovely meal. The perfect day to cook outdoors and share some good food. So often in the week we get moving and sucked into the hustle and bustle of agendas and tasks, the current of activities sweeping away the precious moments we have to share and enjoy as a family. It is so nourishing and deeply satisfying to take this time to meditate. To absorb and process all of the emotions we are feeling, the sensations rushing through our senses, and to really pause and reflect on all that we are and hand in this moment. 

Planning for the future is wonderful, adding to our list of duties is bound to happen. But sitting still and just absorbing the loveliness of this moment, this place, and nowhere else. That is a glorious gift. This sweet little time in which I am doing nothing but chewing the salty sweet goodness of a chocolate shortbread cookie, gazing over at the space in the sun where light is beaming through the window and onto the carpet. I think I will transition over there and bask in the sunlight as a cat might. Simply stretching and absorbing the bounty and beauty of this moment. That’s what I am going to do and nothing more, nothing less, than everything I want. 

How do you find stillness in your daily life? Does it feel like an obligation or a reward for you?

How to Meditate

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I realized today that I talk a lot about my meditation practice on this blog without really going into what that looks like for me. Therefore today I wanted to share that with all of you so that maybe, if you’d like, you could join me in the practice.

First and foremost I would like to share that I do my best to meditate daily. This does not always happen. On weekends, when I travel, or on busy days where I suddenly look up and it’s already 5:30 and dinner isn’t made I do not always meditate. I want to make sure that I am clear about this and as honest and transparent as possible because there were many years I didn’t meditate because the commitment seemed too daunting. I felt that the practitioners claiming to meditate daily had teams of staff to do their bidding and that was how they were still productive despite taking a huge chunk of their days to be still. Let me be clear, I do not have a staff. I do not have a team of people ready to do my bidding while I lie in repose for hours on end. I’m a typical parent, I get interrupted, I have days I don’t practice at the same time and days that I just can’t get into it and that’s ok. The purpose of meditation is to practice. The showing up is the most important part. 

The benefits of meditation are many including a lower heart rate, stress management, and increasing imagination and creativity. I meditate because it helps me to stay calm and keeps me in the present. Meditation is one of the tools I use to show up in the world as the version of myself I most admire and like. When I meditate I feel calm, peaceful, and productive. I most often write this blog promptly after meditating because it is the time when I feel most attune and aligned externally and internally. 

That said, the purpose of this post is to tell you how I do it. First, full disclosure, I have yet to graduate to complete silence and serenity. I do not quietly sit in a private yoga studio. Instead, I make my bed – it usually doesn’t get made until I come to lay down to meditate. I take a quick potty break just so I’m not distracted while in the middle of my meditation. Then I take my eye mask to the microwave. I kiss my kids who are distracted and watching television – otherwise they pop in approximately every 10 seconds to ask for something unnecessary. I bring the dog with me so he is not tempted to panic bark at the Prime truck delivery across the street. I grab the mask from the microwave and head up to my room where I close the door, pull a blanket over myself and plug in earbuds to listen to a guided meditation. 

I find guided mediations to be a personal pursuit of preference. I enjoy Calm’s introductory 20 minute mediation. I like soft music, I don’t prefer nature sounds in the background. I find women’s voices more soothing and I really enjoy the Mindful Movement on YouTube. I typically only listen to the same, 5 or less, meditations regularly. But that can shift with my mood. I will seek out different meditations if I’m feeling the need to listen more to my inner voice, find more peace in the chaos, or just to be more present in my daily life. You can use any framework to make your choice but pay attention to your preferences and honor them so you don’t come away from your meditation more annoyed or frustrated than you were when you started. The goal is to be more peaceful and satisfied, not to add to the grievances of the day.

I listen to the guided meditation for 20 minutes with the eye mask on. Some days I can push past 20 and go longer but most days I meditate for 20 minutes, it just seems to work the best for me and my schedule. Occasionally, I put lotion on my feet or essential oils where I can smell them to pamper myself and feel more tended to while I’m at rest. It takes a little more prep-work but it feels super delicious to stretch post-meditation and smell good things and feel balanced, whole, and generously cared for. It takes the practice up a notch and turns it into a delightful gift you’re giving yourself.

When the mediation is done I stretch and put away my mask. I fold the blanket I use to cover myself and sit down to write. I feel like I do my best work when I write, slightly bleary eyed and fully present. That is when I feel I produce my most authentic work. When I first got started – read the first year to year and a half – I would have a little chocolate almond treat when I wrote. A little pavlovian trick to help encourage myself to keep going. It seems to have worked, I have been doing this meditation thing for nearly two years and I really feel like I am a better person, and certainly a more productive artist, for it.

What strategies do you use to meditate? Are there tools that help you to get into the zone? Or what additional self-care treats do you give yourself when you meditate? Have you been able to sit in total silence yet? What has that experience felt like for you?

Savoring the Good: Five Steps to Staying Present

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Today I want to talk about savoring those moments that are sweetest. Our days and lives are full of beautiful, lush, and lovely moments that we often miss. Our brains are so active and full of energy that they are often rushing to solve a problem rather than enjoy the still and silent moment that is happening right now. We spend so much time looking forward or looking back that we forget to enjoy where we are right now – and now truly is the only time we have. Here are five steps I use to get out of my head and into the present moment – all you need are your five senses and a few minutes. 

Start with a few cleansing breaths – deep ones that fill you up. If you inhale to the count of three and exhale to the count of four that should help. Also, extra points if you exhale a sigh, which vibrates the back of your throat and soothes your limbic system as well.

When you’re ready:

Eyes/ Sight – I look around the space I am in and name five things I see or want to see. I’ll do this exercise as I write so you can follow along and do it yourself with me. I see:

  • blue sky
  • sunlight on the carpet, 
  • trees, 
  • warm yellow walls, and
  • a painting of a tree

Ears/ Sound – List four things you can hear or want to hear.

  • a dog barking
  • an airplane overhead
  • tree leaves rustling, and
  • a bird calling for its mate.

Hands/ Touch – List three things you can feel or want to feel.

  • the gentle keyboard keys under my fingers
  • the slick comfort of my athletic pants, and 
  • soft cushion of the chair I’m sitting on.

Nose/ Smell – List two things you can smell or want to smell.

  • my post-meditation chocolate 
  • a warm fall breeze that smells like change

Mouth/ Taste – List one thing you can taste or want to taste.

  • more chocolate!

And here I am, very much in this room and this time, present and enjoying this moment as it happens. I hope you are too! Feel free to re-arrange the senses and use what works best for you. I hope it helps calm and soothe you. I hope it brings you into the present moment and truly alive in your day. 

A Clean Slate and New Beginnings

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I once read that cleaning your home is an attempt to control the chaos of the world. And logically it makes sense, I cannot right the world but I can dust this shelf.

When I’m dealing with a particularly difficult challenge the repetitive motions of cleaning give me the perfect amount of mental effort to reflect on my problem and figure out my next steps. The action is irrelevant, it is the larger purpose it is serving. Repotting plants or mending stuffed animals is not high on my list of fun projects but when I have a larger problem to tackle these rhythmic, repetitive actions soothe my brain and give me familiar exercise without taxing my already overwrought mind. 

Therefore, in our home when it is time to clean we typically follow a routine, when we are angry we sometimes scrub with a little more intensity, but when the cleaning becomes something we do to control or as an excuse to avoid a larger conversation then we know it’s time to let the cleaning go. 

Having an open heart and open hands is a blessing. It is a gift that we have so much that it needs organizing. And in the midst of the chaos of moving and transition it’s easy to fall into the comfort of cleaning in order to give ourselves the temporary illusion of control, and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s more than necessary. 

Sitting in discomfort is hard. Recognizing that your actions are indicative of larger issues is hard. Not distracting ourselves from all the conflicting emotions this moment has brought to our doorstep is hard. Feeling all of the feelings is hard. There’s a lot to feel, a lot to love, a lot to mourn and a lot to rejoice. And sometimes rather than clinging to a scrub brush we need to cling to each other because this wild ride is just getting started and it’s going to get a whole lot messier anyway.