Tag: present

Remember to Ask for Help

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In a crisis, I usually handle things. I’m an expert at putting off the emotional part of a situation in order to make quick, decisive choices. I do well in this role but it is not sustainable. Making difficult decisions with authority is a skill I have honed throughout my life. However, that which makes me a quick first call also works in reverse when the trauma is my own.

When my brother passed away unexpectedly in our late twenties I was devastated and shut down. I took a month off of work, posted a note to facebook with information regarding his services and I handed my phone to my partner. I couldn’t take in any more information, I was overwhelmed. It turns out those things were all important choices. Even in chaos, I managed to do what I needed most – remember to ask for help.

Go where you are safe

The best thing I did for myself was knowing that I needed support.  I went to my Grandmother’s house where I stayed… for a month. I needed family and I needed support. Surrounded by people I love and the nurturing that I needed most gave me space to recover. Reaching out to include others in my situation, opened the door to love and connection. This allowed others to be of service and to help – that is a gift.

Share what you can

I posted the information to social media. This communicated  all the relevant information to extended friends and family without my needing to be, “on,” or the resource for information. Simply click and follow, the tools were in everyone’s hands. They knew where I was going to be and had the opportunity to engage as much or as little as they wanted or were able.

Be present in the moment

I took in less and less information. Absorbing less allowed me to process what was happening in the present. I was in the moment and moving forward one step at a time. The loss was unbearable and yet I was fully present and engaged in the experience of living.

While I don’t wish trauma or pain on anyone else. I do know that we all have our burdens and challenges to face. When we face obstacles it is imperative to take care of ourselves by letting others support us and help us to carry our load. This allows us to share not only our pain but also, our joy. Being engaged with our community is what will sustain us in our darkest hours. Help others to help you by remembering these three simple steps to feeling supported and sustained – whatever your challenges may be. 

Remember to ask for help. If you are experiencing grief there are many tools out there, including professional help and guidance to help you process your loss.

Patterns of Joy

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There are events happening all day in all of our lives. The majority of those moments will be completely forgotten and lost to our memories. The moments we highlight and the patterns we recognize become the story of our day. Depending on our mood, the weather, and a million other small things we can choose to label our day as good one or bad. The day can be either, or some variation in between, depending on our perspective. If we look for the good things and the joy in our days we are more likely to highlight those patterns and consider the day a good one. What we look for is what we will find which is why I want to look for patterns of joy.


Therefore, in order to help us all practice looking for the good in our days I have an idea. This is something new – I haven’t even tried this yet but I’m excited to test it out. Every day this week I am going to  take a picture of the best part of my day. I am going to do that for two reasons. First, because it immediately has my mind on the look out for good things. Secondly, it keeps me wondering, engaged, and present. I am not looking for the day to fall apart. I am looking for more and more goodness and opportunities to create more joy in my daily life. 

The act of looking for joy primes the pump and has me already shifting my focus towards looking for the good. This practice may even turn into a running collection or album of these photos. It may result in a variety of joyful images – laughing with friends, a beautiful scene out the window, the dog cuddled on my lap. Not every day is a vacation photo image but there are beautiful moments that make up our lives. A quick photo reminds us to look for joy first. And on days when we’re feeling down or disheartened it’s a lot easier to scroll through happy photos than it is to try to remember all the good things off the cuff.

The simple act of focusing on and amplifying the joy in our lives helps us appreciate what we have already. To our brains, life is made up of patterns. But we get to choose what patterns to seek. Let’s look for patterns of joy, laughter, friendship, fun, and see how our perspectives and our lives shift. 

A Simple Practice to Be Present

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When feeling overwhelmed it is easy to look to social media for distraction. Rather than analyze if what I am feeling is anxiety, fear, or nervousness like most of us, I scroll. As I scroll I find several other items that grab my attention. Instead of just worrying about my own small problems, I am also worried about global warming, Ukraine, and if we have ingredients for vegan pasta. These are not solutions they are simply more tasks. Adding tasks to my plate when I am already feeling overwhelmed is not an answer. It is another problem.

It feels easier some days to be distracted. However, you’re not going to be able to hear your own voice when you are taking in so many other ideas. To help you process all of the thoughts rushing through your head, do the smallest thing you know to do first.

Instead of distracting myself I find that a yoga class can often help me get grounded again. When I am most chaotic inside, it helps to have a physical practice to focus my attention. There is nothing like a slow flow class where I am intentionally stretching to bring me into the present. I think things like, “I can do this better,” or, “Nope, too deep a stretch on that side.” Whatever the inner monologue is, it is no longer about the world outside. I am not fixing everything I am only focused on one thing. As I do this I am soothed and comforted.

Working backward from chaos and overwhelm into being present with and in myself is an intentional act. Yoga is what does it for me. How do you bring yourself back from chaos to comfort? What steps work best for you?

Savoring the Good: Five Steps to Staying Present

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Today I want to talk about savoring those moments that are sweetest. Our days and lives are full of beautiful, lush, and lovely moments that we often miss. Our brains are so active and full of energy that they are often rushing to solve a problem rather than enjoy the still and silent moment that is happening right now. We spend so much time looking forward or looking back that we forget to enjoy where we are right now – and now truly is the only time we have. Here are five steps I use to get out of my head and into the present moment – all you need are your five senses and a few minutes. 

Start with a few cleansing breaths – deep ones that fill you up. If you inhale to the count of three and exhale to the count of four that should help. Also, extra points if you exhale a sigh, which vibrates the back of your throat and soothes your limbic system as well.

When you’re ready:

Eyes/ Sight – I look around the space I am in and name five things I see or want to see. I’ll do this exercise as I write so you can follow along and do it yourself with me. I see:

  • blue sky
  • sunlight on the carpet, 
  • trees, 
  • warm yellow walls, and
  • a painting of a tree

Ears/ Sound – List four things you can hear or want to hear.

  • a dog barking
  • an airplane overhead
  • tree leaves rustling, and
  • a bird calling for its mate.

Hands/ Touch – List three things you can feel or want to feel.

  • the gentle keyboard keys under my fingers
  • the slick comfort of my athletic pants, and 
  • soft cushion of the chair I’m sitting on.

Nose/ Smell – List two things you can smell or want to smell.

  • my post-meditation chocolate 
  • a warm fall breeze that smells like change

Mouth/ Taste – List one thing you can taste or want to taste.

  • more chocolate!

And here I am, very much in this room and this time, present and enjoying this moment as it happens. I hope you are too! Feel free to re-arrange the senses and use what works best for you. I hope it helps calm and soothe you. I hope it brings you into the present moment and truly alive in your day.