Tag: progress

Listening Within

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Today I am not looking backwards I am only looking forward. It is the only direction I am heading. I read something recently about how our pace is not consistent and that’s ok! Sometimes we’re going to charge ahead towards our goals and plans. Other times we will slowly and cautiously step forward. We may sprint, walk, or crawl – we may even rest and recover and that is important too. The only thing that matters is that we keep moving forward. 

I think that was the most meaningful piece for me to take in – that we are allowed to rest and recover. Particularly when things are hard – there are a lot of us feeling demoralized and down. We are allowed to be sad. It is important to take time to heal and hold ourselves and our loved ones close. This does not mean we are sitting this one out or staying silent on the issues that are most impactful and matter to us. It means we are caring for ourselves first and that is appropriate. 

When we are down or feeling tired we need rest. Self-care is a necessary responsibility. We will get knocked down in life – what matters is that we get back up. What helps us to carry on is the kindness and empathy we show to ourselves. 

Our progress is not measured by others. Let us always remember that we will never be criticized by people who are doing more than us. The people who are working on themselves, doing their own work, and showing up for their own journeys do not have time to critique us and our progress. Research shows that it is only those who are not proud of their own progress that have time to judge yours. 

We are accountable to no one but ourselves and as we authentically and generously listen to out inner voice and our inner calling we will move ahead. We are doing the good work that we were put on this planet to complete. Choosing ourselves and to stay focused on our own journey. Be gentle with you. Trust that you are made of stronger stuff than any of the challenges you may face. 

There’s a saying, “If God brings you to it she will bring you through it.” Trust that even if you are down for now you will follow your inner longing to get up and go forward toward whatever goals and dreams you hold in your heart. You already know where you’ve been – it’s so exciting to see where you’re going!

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Follow Your Own Path

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I have been thinking lately about following your path by only accepting into our lives that which resonates. Honoring ourselves by focusing our energy on experiences that feel like joy, happiness, peace, and love helps us to follow our path. There are some simple steps that we can take to amplify these experiences in our lives.

Listening to the Universe + Your Inner Voice

I start by paying attention to the messages the universe is sending me. If you’re having trouble hearing what the universe has to say, try subtracting distractions until something clicks. A guided meditation or breathing exercise can be enough to free your attention to hear your own thoughts. 

Take One Small Step

My next move is to just take one tiny step forward. Maybe it’s folding a blanket or getting dressed, painting something small or just writing out a few words. Just try whatever feels right or you are inspired to do that gets your momentum moving. You’ve listened to the universe, heard what it’s saying, and now you’ve acted on it. These are small but powerful movements towards our own happiness.

Do the Next Right Thing

After that momentum is initiated just do whatever feels right next. I don’t have a formula or strategy beyond that. Of course, the next right thing may be to create a five year plan but it’s also just as likely the next right thing is to clear out your inbox, each of those options is valid and necessary. 

Basically, what matters is that you’re moving toward your own path and inspiration. Our job is not to do everything at once, or to race someone else to the finish line. You are allowed to take your time. When your moment arrives you will be ready. Choosing what resonates with us makes sure we are only welcoming experiences, people and situations that serve us on our journey. While it sounds simple to follow your path is the most challenging and fulfilling work we do in life. We all bloom at the exact right time for us.

The Rule of Thirds

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Whenever we are pursuing an important goal it is important to remember the rule of thirds. Olympians and their coaches use this measure to align their training schedule. The goal is to be sure we are applying enough pressure to succeed while avoiding injury and overwhelm. The key is to rest so that elite athletes may carry on rather than give up. The rule of thirds is is a growth strategy and progress check. It is not just for Olympians or athletes. The rule is this – as you pursue a goal, your path will typically follow this formula.

1/3 will be wonderful. You’re going to stick your landings and feel terrific. 

1/3 will be terrible. You’re going to make mistakes and feel like you’re not doing things properly.

1/3 will be fine. You’re moving ahead but don’t feel strongly either way.

What’s important is that you pay attention to how you’re feeling. If it feels great all the time maybe you’re not pushing yourself hard enough. Perhaps things are too easy and you’re not progressing. Maybe you’ve plateaued and you’re not pushing hard enough. 

If you feel terrible for more than a third of the time, maybe you’re pushing too hard. Maybe you need to rest or consider a different approach. Maybe there are several small steps you can take instead of the giant leap you are fixated on at that moment. Taking a break for recovery is a necessary and important component to long term success and goal attainment. 

Trust your experience and the rule of thirds to inform your decisions. If you feel terrible all the time or even just more than a third of the time, maybe you don’t want to be doing this. Is there another path that is calling to you to try? Maybe you love the sport but would be happier coaching. Maybe you love the field but want to try another area of expertise.

The final third will be relatively uneventful days. You feel good but not great and like you could do better but you’re not at your worst. These are good days too. The same applies as the other two thirds, if it’s too easy add some challenges and if it’s too challenging relieve some of that pressure. If you’re consistently moving forward there’s no reason why you should be swaying in any one direction for more than a third of the time. 

So take a deep breath and remember that the feeling is temporary. If you swing too far in any one direction it might be time for a change. Paying attention to how you feel helps you to know you’re on the right path. We all want to attain our goals and we pursue them doggedly. Just make sure that your labor is one of love. We do this work because we love it. Because it brings us joy, and because it connects us to our higher purpose. When you’re chasing a dream and aligned with your purpose the rule of thirds is a great tool that helps keep the balance. 

4 Steps to Progress

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Today, we come to the end of our second year of Meanings with MK. I am deeply humbled to be here. Honored to be on the edge of another year and to have the opportunity to look back and reflect on how far we have come. And I am forever grateful to be undertaking this journey will all of you. Time will pass but growth is optional. The steps to progress below will help as you continue on this journey.

Progress is challenging but also worth it. As Neil Gaimen has said, “That which we attain without effort we cannot possibly value.” Remembering where we started gives deeper value to where we are now. Each of us has made sacrifices and choices to improve our lives and grow. There are some steps to progress that are etched onto our hearts. They have transformed our lives for the better. In honor of this second year, I’d like to share them with you.

These are also topics I’ve written on over the past couple years and so I have linked to the how-to posts as well. I hope they serve you.

Meditation

I meditate for, at least, 20 minutes a day. It is a small chunk of time but the difference it makes in my mood, my energy, and my writing is miraculous. The meditations I use are always shifting and changing depending on my mood and circumstances but I show up every day and always feel better when it is done. I write more on meditation here.

Morning pages

I write three pages, stream of consciousness, every morning. Even before I write this blog, I have already written three pages and that feels incredible. It is in keeping with the teachings of Julia Cameron and I could not recommend more highly this simple exercise of starting your day by dumping all of the rogue and random, complaints, worries, joys, and fears onto the page. Just purging all of the chatter in my mind first thing gives me perspective, insight, and the ability to start my day fresh and unburdened. – Also, you can always edit something written but you cannot edit a blank page.

Boundaries

Setting my own and respecting the boundaries of others has opened me up to so much deeper connection and honest interaction. My relationships and my life are better for the boundaries and mutual respect required to uphold them.

Goal Setting

Taking two steps every week towards accomplishing a goal. Whatever my goal is I practice taking small steps toward it. My dogged pursuit of my goals is not done without challenge or obstacles but it is done with persistence. It’s easy to see a large dream and think, “I’ll never get there,” or, “If I fail at this I’m done.” Instead I see failure as a lesson, something I can use to help me grow. I am patient but relentless in my pursuit of my goals.

This blog and the lessons I share with you are all things that I have learned along the way. Many of them are hard-won. And many of you perhaps have learned on your own journeys. For me, writing out what I have learned reminds me of the lesson. I hope reading these notes reaffirms the message and your own commitment to yourself and to your path. 

I hope you find something here to carry with you and help you on your journey. I’m grateful to you for reading. Your being here brings this work full circle. The only way we every truly learn something is when we are able to teach it to someone else. Thank you for helping me to grow and to learn. Thank you for being here. I celebrate how far we have come together to get to this point.

What three things are you most proud of yourself for learning? What steps to progress work best for you?

Goal Setting: Getting Started

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Today is a day of new beginnings or at least getting started. I am preparing to step forward into plans that I have been making for some time. The goals are big dreams that I have been hard at work building, in some cases, for years. The progress towards this moment has been incremental and small, ongoing and labor intensive. It’s not sexy but it’s the only way I know to get ahead. The practical steps are the keys to my success and my feeling of anticipation today is a lot like standing on a diving board. 

I have filled the pool with opportunities and all I have to do is dive into the water to swim. My small practical steps have made this moment possible; Changing habits, conservative choices focused on long term goals, and planning. There is a lot of work that goes on before we ever get to the precipice. I have found the words of Walt Disney to be particularly applicable to this process, “Everyone needs deadlines.” I might not make my deadline but by virtue of having one I do make consistent progress toward it. 

Deadlines keep me aware of the timeline of my growth. If I only say, “someday,” and not “Five years from now,” I’ve created paradox where I could accomplish that goal any day from now until my death and it will always remain “some day.” However, when I have a five year deadline I see all the things that go into that goal, the little steps, the new learning, the coaching, and experimenting. All of the necessary and unsexy failures that will go into the big changes to make them possible and all of the hours that I will need to devote and I realize that five years is not that much time. 

Five years in the grand scheme of things is a very brief period of time. It is a lifetime to children and all they cram into the first five years of their lives is monumental. Consider an infant and then a reading, walking, talking, creative, and potty trained Kindergartener who has preferences, interests, and opinions. Someone who five years ago had only the raw materials for cognitive growth and development. That child had to make something of every experience, interaction, and engagement to become the person they are at five. That is much the same for us and our goals. 

All we know is that we have a goal and we only have five years to accomplish it. Maybe it will take longer than five years to achieve. Maybe we will face unexpected challenges, delays, or obstacles but when we give ourselves a limited time period in which to work we give ourselves the thrust we need to move forward now. 

We have to step forward because to delay would make us late for our deadline. If you’re late for your flight you miss it. But if you’re late for a personal deadline we learn something. Whether we move forward towards our goals or not the time is going to pass. To me it just feels better to look back and see progress.

I recently found a goal list my partner and I created outlining our plans for 2020. We had one goal, to get our house ready to sell. And then we brainstormed a dream house. We wrote a list of all the things we wanted in our future home and what it would look like, feel like, need to be our perfect home. And here I sit reading through the list in awe. All but three items on that full page list were included in our current home. That is something to celebrate and something to acknowledge – we made that possible. 

We set a goal and gave ourselves a deadline and we missed it by a year – we wrote the list at the end of 2019 for 2020 and then COVID hit, an unforeseen and unprecedented challenge. We were grateful for our cozy home and to have a safe and clean place to live. But facing that challenge we recalibrated, realigned, reaffirmed our commitment to the goal of a new home. In 2021 – we moved. 

We moved into a home that checks the majority of our boxes. We could not have predicted COVID all we could predict was that the time would pass whether we took the initiative or didn’t. Fortunately, we took the initiative and because of that we get to live our dream instead of just holding it. And I will confess looking around myself and seeing my dreams come to life is significantly more satisfying than holding them close and never diving in to see what might happen. You don’t need to finish everything at once but sometimes giving yourself a shorter amount of time to accomplish a goal gives you just the right push to get it done.

What dreams do have that you have given yourself a timeline to complete? Do you set one year, five year, or ten year goals? How do you stay accountable to accomplish them?

Patient Progress: One Bite of the Bear at a Time

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This week the progress on our new home has shifted into slow-mo. It feels like every moment I am working and when I am not working I am preparing food. Meal planning, ordering, and preparation while a necessary task is also an obligation that requires time and attention and energy that feels as if it could be better spent unpacking and organizing. With extra hands here we had the support necessary to accomplish several tasks at once. The speed at which we could work was accelerated and now that we are just two adult hands on deck, and both of us working full time, it feels like we are constantly being pulled in opposite directions. If we are eating, our children want to play. If we are working, they want to be with us. If we are attempting to organize or unpack a box, they are at the opposite end of the house unpacking whatever cabinets we have just organized.

It is incredibly frustrating and it feels like everyone wants a piece of my time, of my energy, of my day. I am trying to stay grounded, to focus on one task at a time but that is difficult when I hear a crash in the other room or the raised voices of children in conflict because their parents are otherwise engaged. 

Crock pot meals rise to the top of my list and the thought of potentially hiring a nanny. These are tempting thoughts that would make things easier in our household. I’m also working on taking one bite of the bear at a time. I am trying to order one necessary item or one easily solvable problem to address each day. Unpack a box of towels at lunch – this is quickly done and it is one more box done. On the weekends the goal has been one room a day but that progress has slowed significantly as I no longer have our nanny here to distract our children, run interference, or do the heavy lifting that requires a quick solution that I am too overwhelmed to find myself. 

I am grateful for the help we have had over the past couple weeks. I am grateful for the support and am realizing now how necessary and valuable that added pair of hands is when they are competent, deft, and eager to assist. That level of intervention is not only necessary but appreciated. My goals may have shifted from the completion of an entire room down to a single box or drawer but I am getting there. Progress is being made. And while the larger projects like power washing the porches and walk ways, building the cabinet that holds all of our guest blankets and towels, purchasing furniture to fill all of the empty spaces in our home will have to wait. In this moment and at this time I am taking baby steps. I am moving forward slowly but surely. 

The big shifts will come eventually. Right now the goal is just to keep moving forward. To rest when we need it, to relax and hold space for ourselves. To recognize and appreciate that progress comes in small steps and as we downsize a box here and a bin there we are still creating space in our home for the right things to find us. We are crafting the life we want in our dream home and that takes patience and time. It takes constant and gentle progress to move ahead. We cannot always move in leaps and bounds. Some days we must plod and some days we must sit still, but we continue to move forward. We continue to find our way toward our shared goals. We will make it. This too shall pass. Everything arrives at its appointed time, my only duty is to enjoy the ride, to savor the sweet and wonderful moments, to make progress where I can but also to trust the process. It is working, just as I continue to work. We each have a job to do and we will get there at the exact right time. It just takes faith, trust, and patience and I can practice each of those. 

How do you take time to rest and recover? How do you show patience and kindness to yourself as you work towards a larger goal?

New Year, New Approach to Progress

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It’s halfway through January and I am already sensing a transition or shift in this new year. Time is moving as quickly as it ever has but I am not rushing with it. I have noticed that I am taking smaller, more practical steps toward my own goals and progress. I am also celebrating where I am and feeling contented, rather than displeased or eager for the next step. I am where I am supposed to be in this moment and I am grateful that where I am is so wonderful and that I have the good fortune to be here, breathing air and living life, to enjoy it. 

Let’s begin with the practical steps, as those of you who have been following know and for those of you who have not, we moved last summer. After nine years in our starter home it was time for more elbow room. Covid helped us along in this decision, but it was getting to be time. That said we have a new home and since we do not live on HGTV, the progress from new home to our home is a slow and steady process. We believe in living in a home for a while to determine what we like, don’t like, and how we are going to make the space more our own. We also do not have a limitless budget and so our choices are practical and timed out – we have not simply gutted the place. 

We have however made some small but deliberate changes and updates. I’m really noticing that this year, unlike years past that I am being more patient with progress. I am enjoying the process more and being more intentional with my choices. I know what I like and I know what works for us. I also know that Rome was not built in a day. As I consider these truisms I’m grateful. I’m grateful that instead of feeling like I have not done anything or beating myself up because my progress has been slow I am savoring the moment. 

Growth and change are never easy. The shift from one home to another is a big one and all of the solutions we hoped for in this home will not simply appear overnight. As we learn more about how we live in this space and we recognize our own needs in this house I am taking practical steps. 

We have larger visions and dreams – much like I have larger visions and dreams for this year as a whole – but instead of looking at my larger picture goals and thinking, “Whelp, I haven’t accomplished them yet, I might as well quit, or pick a new goal.” Instead, I am thinking, “How can I make these goals smaller?” I don’t eat an entire candy bar in one bite, I break it into pieces (because I’m a lady). Also, because it is impractical to do so, and a mess. So rather than penalizing myself for not stuffing everything I want to do into the first three weeks of a new year, I am congratulating myself for taking smaller bites. For not feeling as if I have failed because in such a short time my large goals are incomplete. 

Yearly goals, are just that, goals for the entire year. If they were easy enough to be solved within a week, they would not be on my annual list. They would be on my much shorter daily agenda. That said, I can make progress. Ina Garten recommends two steps every week to accomplish a goal and I have found that wisdom to be timeless and useful. I may not get something new completed in our new house every day – I’m still trying to remember where I put away the cleaning rags thank you very much. But I can order new light fixtures for the front hall. I can organize my Pinterest page and whittle down my options for rugs. These are not the re-design of the entire house but with these small steps I can make progress toward that goal. It will not be done in a day but with a couple steps forward every week, by the end of the year that’s 104 steps further than I was on new years, and already 52 steps ahead of when we moved in last summer. I’m already ahead and with continued progress this house will be a totally different place when we’re done with it – it will be our place and that makes it home. 

How do you stay motivated to accomplish larger tasks? What keeps you moving forward rather than giving up? 

Small Solutions for Bigger Problems

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I am working through a challenge right now where I am being asked to trust the process and the universe – this is not easy! Anyone who has ever sought faith or belief in a higher power has been forced to confront this terrible requirement that is both incredibly easy – once you accept it. But also insanely challenging when you fight acceptance. We fight letting go because everything in our modern life encourages us to believe that we have control. Fortunately and unfortunately we have no control over the world, our circumstances, or the situations in which we live. However, we do control ourselves, our choices, and the way we show up in the world. 

I feel it, deep within me, I am fighting this new development. I want to control the outcome and jump to the part where I chuckle over this resistance and use it as an anecdote for how enlightened and accepting I am… well, I’m not there yet! 

So while I await for enlightenment and acceptance to arrive I am going to do the things I know how to do first. When problems get big I get small. I start doing the small works I never seem to have time to accomplish. I’m going to get to mending those items in the laundry basket – they’ve sat there for ages. I will get organized, all of those paper documents that need to be filed, saved, or shredded – the ever evolving pile of paper that seems to grow on any horizontal surface will be dealt with now. I am cleaning house. Actions that I can delegate will be passed on. Anything that can be taken off of my to-do list will be eliminated or automated. My various lists and plans will be combined and shortened.

While in the midst of this process I received an incredible gift. I called our dental insurance provider over a technical glitch. I was passed from one staffer to another. Even though I was feeling feisty I opened with a genuine greeting – if there is one thing we can learn from Southern women it is that we always say ‘hello,’ and greet one another before asking for anything, it’s just good manners. But once that was done, I answered honestly. I shared that I was frustrated and I told the agent why. She offered me a real solution, and gave me the option to take it. I said, “Yes!” She gave me less work to do and more time for everything else!

What a surprise and what a thrill, to be given the gift of time by a stranger. I could have played coy or put on some fake tone that customer service representatives see right through anyway but I didn’t. I showed up authentically, I told her where I was coming from and she genuinely helped. She saw my problem but saw also the larger picture. I did not need to waste any more time creating an account because the work I was trying to do would be done by my employer and it would have been a waste of my time. So thank the universe for that first customer service agent who forwarded me to someone who could help more than they could and God bless Bernice who gave me the gift of time and less work to do.

Challenges we face may not be solved right away, like that first customer service agent we may not have all the answers but we know someone who can help. And the way we transfer the call or get to that next level is to do the first level work. We show up to do the laundry folding, the file organization, the refilling of soap dispensers. The stuff that doesn’t really change the world but can really change our day. Show up and do that little stuff and the bigger stuff comes though. It gets done or as I’m folding socks an answer occurs to me. It’s just practical advice, when the problem seems too big, get small. Do the little things you know how to do and it will all come together. And even if it takes a hot minute for the answer to come, you will have mended socks, folded laundry, organized piles, and shredded documents – all of these small tasks accumulate to make a greater impact on the day, and your mood. Eventually those small steps become a Bernice moment, they clear the way so that you have more time, more ease, and less stress. Acceptance is a lot easier from that perspective. 

What do you do when you feel a conflict of faith? Or find yourself trying to control the outcome? Where do you find balance and grace?

Doing Less to Do More

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Today I had so much I wanted to accomplish. I had a full schedule and a full plate of all of the things that needed to be done. Since we are re-entering society and school is starting soon, I feel like August has become somewhat like the first lap of the long race through the school year. Birthday parties begin again, school supplies must be purchased, and add that on top of moving and needing to either find or make due with those everyday artifacts that make life nice and I am in a pretzel of movement, energy, and to do items. On top of all of this it is Monday and the regular work of the office needs to be done, dinner needs to be made, and the children need all of the daily things that children require. 

Usually all of this information puts me in a tizzy – the “Michigas,” of it all. I just learned Michigas is a Yiddish derivative of meshugana and I am enjoying wrapping my mind and my mouth around this new term. The general chaos can be overwhelming. Today instead of letting the angst and stress of these things take over my day I took a beat. That’s not true, I took several. 

The breaks included: I started the morning by looking out the window at the trees while I drank my breakfast smoothie. Then while my partner was on a call I folded laundry in the children’s rooms rather than being irritated or marching through his office – which is the only way to get to my office – I just did some small tasks to make life nicer for all of us. I put dinner in the crock pot. I meditated. I let go of control and my partner put the target order in for school supplies. I fed the kiddos and when the dog decided to make a break for it and tour the neighborhood at lunch, I not only got the chance to catch up with my neighbor but I also had the opportunity to walk outside on a gorgeous day. 

I didn’t get everything done because there is only enough time for that which truly needs to happen. There are more tasks for tomorrow but that is what tomorrow is for. I am sure tomorrow will have enough time for these things and others but not all of them and that’s ok. 

The priorities that made the short list today will also make the short list tomorrow – mediating, taking deep breaths, and just enjoying the day and it’s many splendid moments. It was not perfect but you know what, I don’t feel bad about it. In fact, I feel great. I feel like I took care of myself and I focused on my priorities. I feel like I showed up with what I had to give and I did my best. 

I will do better in some areas tomorrow but not all areas because every day is a balancing act and I don’t get better at balancing by berating myself or rushing or yelling at everyone in my life to do better or help more. I do better at balancing when I:

  • Breathe deep,
  • Focus and calm myself with meditation,
  • Eat well, 
  • Get outside, and
  • Connect with friends. 

I am grateful to myself for taking the necessary breaks so that I could move forward with comfort and ease rather than with rage and frustration. By giving myself the space to be imperfect and let others help I actually did less but got just as much, if not more, done than if I had hustled and stressed and rushed. 

I feel more contented with the quality of my work and with the progress I made today. My work is not done, and I suspect in this American capitalist society it never will be. But the work I am going to accomplish today is done and I am much pleased. I feel good about showing up in the world authentically, exactly as the person I want to be in the world. Rather than regretting things I said or ways I behaved because I was so focused on performance and results that I was rude or hurtful. And because of that I got to enjoy the journey and the small cumulative tasks and cooperation it takes to build a life to together with other people. A mutually supportive dance only works when we let others lead sometimes. And even though it is out of my comfort zone, I have to admit doing less in order to do more feels pretty good. 

Have you ever tried doing less to do more? What steps do you take? How do you conserve energy and resources in order to finish the marathon rather than drop out after the initial sprint?