Tag: reflection

Giving Yourself a Break

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Do you ever find yourself carried away? By emotions, by life, by the hectic schedule or seemingly endless incoming emails? It’s easy to get so wrapped up in what we, “need,” to do that we completely miss the things that we want to do in life. Today I want to encourage you to give yourself a break. Release the need to be productive and to hold yourself accountable for obligations.

For example, two years ago I joined a writer’s seminar virtually. I have yet to organize my notes. Perhaps this is not the priority I need to give my attention and energy towards. If I haven’t done it in two years, chances are I can let it go. There’s lots of guidance on how to prioritize our time, our tasks, etc. But so often that time gets eaten up by small things that are meaningless. And worse than that we are consumed by tasks that are merely distractions from those moments, people, places, and opportunities that we truly love. 

Today I want only to share a question. What if we paused and allowed ourselves the freedom, the space, and the openness to explore our interests, expand our horizons? Instead of pushing for one more email reply, one more item checked off the list, or one more task completed. What if we considered what fuels us? Thought about what brings us joy? Considered what feels like happiness to you? How does that look, feel, taste, smell, sound? 

In this post there is no wisdom, there is only the questions above and my ardent hope you give yourself a break and the time to explore them.

Preparing for a New Year

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As I prepare for the closing of one year and the opening of another I like to collect my journals. Each morning I write three pages of whatever comes to mind.* Sometimes it’s short stories, or a letter, or just complaining about whatever has me in a funk that morning. Some days it’s all about the weather or good news. It depends on the day. But often littered inside all of this writing there are gems – lists, to do items, goals. Dreams I have that I haven’t examined more deeply. These ideas may be used to write your resolutions.

Now at the end of the year, I am reviewing my journal entries and looking for goals and ideas. Sparks that I have had in the last twelve months that I either wish to make progress on or would like to add to my plans for 2023. I also do a word-web and find what is most inspiring or rising to the top of my list but we’ll talk about that in another post. What is most important is the focus on what I’ve already put on paper. I am highlighting and documenting these items on a list – if they were important enough to write down once, they’re important enough to write down again. 

My strategy is to combine all of these ideas into a list and then separate that list by topic – I like my resolutions to fit into several areas of wellness:

Spirituality

Physical Health + Fitness

Mental Wellbeing

Social circles – Family + Friends

Community + Charitable Works

Career

Financial 

Looking at my goals and where they fall in this list it shows me where I’m focusing my energies. And perhaps where I need more growth in the coming year. If my list is long and heavy in career but I only have “take more walks,” in my physical fitness area, I know that fitness needs a little more focus. Of course, these will never all be equal, there are some areas that are harder and some years where we’re just not ready to tackle a big project – like spirituality. These areas all require work and attention in order for us to live balanced lives. The goal here though is not to look at these as tasks or errands. If anything they are guide posts.

Will I achieve everything on my list in 2023? Absolutely not! I didn’t finish this work in 2022 and chances are I won’t get to finish everything on my list this year either. However, it does give me a place to start. It gives me an opportunity to see where my interest and focus has been in 2022 and to show myself some gratitude because littered in among the dreams for the future are also my accomplishments. Seeing my accomplishments highlighted (in a different color) feels pretty great. It’s incredibly empowering to look over a year of writing and see how much I’ve grown, to look back at happy times or see how I worked through challenges and obstacles. 

However you choose to organize your resolutions or plans for the coming year, I hope you take some time to yourself to take stock of how far you’ve come. I know I am always proud and impressed by the work I have done in a single year. The next year will bring its own challenges and opportunities. I hope we all come to it honestly and authentically, aware of who we are and what we are working towards. When we know what we want we can align our steps and plans to achieve it. 

This tool is just one of the ways I clear space and organize my strategy for the coming year. It’s time consuming but also a labor of love. A gift I give to myself as the year winds down. A little space and time to reminisce and reflect on who I have been. Which gives me better insight into who I hope to become in the next year. 

May your New Year’s be peaceful and serene. May your resolutions scare you just enough to inspire you to work hard. I wish you balance, light, and love in every day of this New Year! I look forward to seeing more of you in 2023. – M

*Morning Pages is a concept created by Julia Cameron. If you want to learn more I highly recommend her book, “The Artist’s Way.”

How Does Happiness Feel to You?

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Let’s share a meditation today. Simply copy down the headers and write your own responses. I’ve included my answers for inspiration. I’m excited for you to use this tool to bring you into the present moment and more in touch with yourself. The goal is figure out how happiness feels to you so you can add more of it to your daily life.

Look

To me, happiness looks like a luxuriously appointed room, with panoramic views of trees, wildlife, and gardens. They could be oceans, lakes or mountains but the glory of wide open spaces is mine to enjoy. I have time and freedom to savor it. To me, happiness looks like I have space to myself, peace, and the promise of adventure.

Feel 

Happiness feels soft like throw pillows, cozy fireplaces, and hot tea. It feels serene and gentle, like my dog at my feet. It feels expansive and as if I do not need to strive but I may settle, be at ease and rest.

Taste

It tastes like hot chocolate and delicious meals that feed, fuel, nourish and surprise me. Rich flavors that feed my soul and my heart’s longing for fulfillment and adventure.

Smell

Happiness smells like a new book and typewriter tape. It smells like ink, sea salt, and sunset. The lush abundance of freshly mown grass and ripe summer peaches. It smells wholesome and rich, tender and calm.

Sound

It sounds like a fireplace crackling. Happiness sounds like woodland walks on secluded paths. To me it is symphony music and the effervescent bubbles of champagne. 

That is what happiness feels like for me. And reading it over, most of it includes activities I share with my dog. So maybe, for me, happiness is life with my trusty pup. How lucky are we to live in a world with dogs?

Did you try the exercise? How does happiness feel for you? 

New Season New Goals

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Today is one of those blissful days in the change of season. It is warmer than usual. The sun is shining brightly. There is a beautiful breeze wafting through our windows, allowing us to air out the house. How lovely to have this day to myself. I want so share some of the things that I am enjoying today in hopes that they serve you too. Maybe it will inspire you to do your own fall refresh and maybe create some new goals.

Journaling – Adding images, magazine cutouts or drawings, to the pages I have written but not filled the whole page. I am also looking to find where I have littered and sprinkled my ideas like fairy dust on the pages. I am getting ready for the new season. Part of that journey is writing down my goals and reflecting on the accomplishments that I have attained already.

Reflection – I want to try to begin my days with a bit of reading. Books inspire and uplift me. I am way too easily drawn in by inspirational pieces and well written books. I rush through them, eager to find out what happens next. It’s best to set a timer.

Meal Plan – I wrote down some recipes that I enjoy and don’t want to be without this winter. I recently found them floating around in the pictures on my phone. Recipes for seasonal favorites include: Cranberry Tea, that makes our house smell like Christmas. And Hungarian Goulash an incredibly simple, rich, and delicious meal that cooks for a long time. This meal fills our home with savory and cozy smells that warm you up even before you take a bite. The perfect hygge treat after a cold day of playing outside in the snow. I love collecting and preparing these simple delectable dishes. Foods and traditions that warm the spirit and the heart, make life so much richer.

Goal Refresh – I began a refresh of my vision board. I had planned to organize some magazine images I clipped with the intention of adding them to my vision board. The beauty of the vision board is that in addition to inspiration it also reminds me of how far I’ve come. I try to update the board annually with the goals I want to carry with me into the new year.

To make space for the new goals I have to remove those that I have already accomplished. It is always a delightful revelation when an image is ready to come down. I don’t throw these out. To preserve them, I gently cut them down and tape them into my journals. Including a small note reminds me why they are important. Once in the journal they continue to remind me of how far I have come. 

It feels so good to be moving forward. There are so many goals that I have been able to complete this year. I have worked hard to get where I am. And it is always nice to have a little time to reflect. I love to savor and celebrate these small moments. 

How to Carry Less Baggage

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I surprised myself today. My plan was to organize my lists and dreams into a small pile that I might take it with me to Florida for a retreat with my college friends. We are planning lots of time to talk and have fun together. But also time to ourselves to plan, write, and strategize our next professional moves. I am looking forward to learning from these women. There is so much they bring to the table and I can’t wait to absorb all that I can from them and their experiences. 

My surprise came when I thought I had streamlined my pages of inspiration. Whenever I find inspiring images or ideas in a magazine I take them with me. Cutting and pasting ideas into a journal. Throughout the year I collect images and words that move me and when I feel inspired I cut them out. The plan was to bring these momentos with me to add to the conversation and my personal reflection.

The small pile of cutouts and plans is ONLY organized once, maybe twice annually. So when I tried to pull these scraps of paper together, the notebooks, and magazines quickly and easily filled my carry on. As I looked down at all of the ideas I made the executive decision to leave everything at home. I will build the new rather than repair the old. Today I will carry less baggage. These meaningful pieces that I have saved will be there in December when I’m ready to go through them. Until then, I am freeing myself of the obligation to carry them with me.

I find that this process can be helpful when I’m envisioning my future, to have pictures, words, or ideas that I wan tot remember. It can also be a burden, when we feel obligated or overcome by the sheer volume of exciting opportunities we might wish to partake in. It is cathartic to release yourself from responsibility. You don’t have to carry all of these things forward with you. For me these items only have value as long as they are serving my growth and happiness. If they become a distraction from the enjoyment of my life, they simply have to go.

Even though I was ready to dive deep into inspiration on this trip. I realize this process is a personal one. It is not done while chatting over hot beverages. Crafting my future is done in sanctuary. For me the sacred in between time of Christmas and New Years. Rather than be worried about this I accept it. I need to carry less baggage. I unpacked the paper scraps and filled my carryon with swimsuits, beach cover-ups, and sandals. We’re going to talk about big ideas – my inspiration will only grow – and what I need is less baggage when I come to the conversation.

How do you release yourself from feelings of obligation? Do you hold onto ideas that inspire you? How do you carry less baggage?

Thursdaying: Holding Space For Ourselves

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I am holding space for myself today. Usually the request to hold space is for someone else. An opportunity to communicate our care or let someone know we are thinking of them. I find it easy to hold space for others but rarely take the time to nurture and focus on myself. Therefore when I sense a feeling of risk or fear as I consider moving toward my goals, or plans, it catches my attention. That awareness reminds me I need to take some time to hold space and look inward. The time I use is what I call, “Thursdaying.”

I grew up in a loud home. Our house was full of siblings, friends, games, television, pets, and events. There was always something happening. In the summers we would visit our friends and sometimes spend weeks at each other’s houses. It was an opportunity for each of us to see how the other half lived. Also, a great opportunity for our parents to spend time together as a couple. Our houses were noticeably cleaner upon our return and our parents well rested.

One of the gifts of these trips was staying with my mother’s best friend and my, “Mom 2.” After several days of Spice Girls music video shoots, movie screenings, and play we were all usually pretty tired. But on this morning I happened to be up early. The other kiddos were still fast asleep, and while Dad 2 stayed home, Mom 2 took me to breakfast.

On the ride over Mom 2 made the rules clear. I was welcome to come, and she loved me very much, but she was going to sit alone. She would read her book and drink her coffee. She would buy breakfast but I would sit at my own table. We were not together. No adult had ever spoken to me like this before. It felt very grown up and direct. I promptly agreed. I was confident I could comport and handle myself at a coffeehouse, “alone.” 

It was a big change for me to be left to my own devices. And so I ordered my hot chocolate and blueberry scone and picked out my table. While my drink was prepared I took my time collecting various magazines and newspapers from the racks and counters. I had not known the rules before I left and therefore needed supplies. I picked a yellow wood table and parked myself, with my back to where Mom 2 sat maybe 10 feet away from me. That morning I ate, I drank, I read – it was heaven. 

It was Thursday and yet no one interrupted me. It was just the resonant noise of an early morning coffee shop. I did not need to rush anywhere or do anything. An independent woman, for the first time in my life. It was glorious. And that memory stuck. It has stayed, nestled in my heart all my life. 

Throughout my life I have enjoyed many more days like this – after all Thursday’s come every week. However, the value and the splendor of that first morning is a gift I savor. I was recently given another free Thursday. There was nowhere I needed to be and nothing that had to be done. I was free. So I popped by a local coffee shop, bought myself a lemonade and a macaroon. I sipped, I read – a book I brought with because I learned early the wisdom of being prepared – and delighted in the experience. I savored and admired the sun through the window, the morning light on the park across the street, the ambient conversations that filled the room around me.

As I sat in peaceful comfort, I remembered the beauty of my first coffeeshop morning and texted Mom 2 and set a date for a call. I need a refresher course in honoring myself and in keeping my heart whole and my spirit free. The time was a rekindling and a reminder of my priorities. It allowed me to refocus my attention on my own goals and making my own heart sing. To do that requires Thursdaying – making time for my own delight and unexpected treats. It means trusting myself to walk alone and to find a path. Taking the time to savor the sweetness of right now because after all, it is fleeting. 

On the drive home from that first coffeeshop visit I felt elated and free. I felt like the happiest and most authentic version of myself. I felt like me. And it was wonderful. I am forever grateful to Mom 2 for being my bonus mom and for giving me the gift of time to find and honor myself exactly as I am, exactly who I am, and to celebrate regular days. After all, everyone has Thursdays. 

Unlearning

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I’m eating a chocolate shortbread cookie with strawberry icing, it tastes like cold fresh jam. The flavor feels cool and refreshing on my tongue. It just feels so good to be treating myself so well.  Lately it seems as if I am actively unlearning all of the lessons trauma has taught me. I am learning to love myself and let others love me and it feels nurturing on a level I did not know I needed.

For a long time it didn’t matter if the gift was large or big – if I wanted a cookie, or a trip, or new luggage if those expenditures were for me they were too much. I could buy tickets for a flight to visit someone else, or if there was some obligation tied to the travel – then it was justifiable and there were strings of logic related to who was allowed, when it was allowed, and what was ok for me to enjoy if it was related to someone else. I could not afford to go on vacation – but my friend’s mother passed and so a four day trip to Las Vegas was acceptable because it was to comfort her. 

There was nothing too pricey for my children or my extended family but my partner was on the same level as myself – they didn’t really need anything, much like I didn’t really “need,” anything. Lately that has shifted. I am finding that I myself have wants, needs, desires that long to be met. They linger if they go unanswered for too long. My wanting new clothes, or shoes, or a bag that I will have spent hours investigating and pouring over online used to be activities that would consume me and leave me feeling unfulfilled. I felt unworthy of care but I am finding now that investing in myself, investing in the things I want is very satisfying. It gives me the freedom to stop fixating on whatever that item was and move on to living with that gift. It is interesting and sad that so much time was spent denying myself that which I wanted most.

Simple things like a sweet treat at the bakery, mid-range things like a new purse, or luggage set, an adventure or trip to some far off place that might delight or inspire me to create some new art or reimagine my priorities in a new way. These gifts help me along on my journey. They make my path more delightful, richer, and more pleasurable. Feeling that nurtured, supported, and cared for by myself inherently shifts the way I view myself and the world. 

The kindness I am showing myself transforms the way I relate to others and myself. Because I no longer save the best for someone else, or treat myself as if I am not worthy or deserving of life’s joys and pleasures, I am enjoying those delights myself. I am planting seeds in my own soil and coaxing inner growth and development first. I am not giving all of the best I have to offer away. I am nurturing myself. I am giving to me first and that is a powerful shift. It takes a little time and I am not perfect – I still have not purchased the bag or the luggage and I still haven’t booked a vacation just for my partner and me or just for myself but I’m getting there. I’m writing about it and that tells me it is important. It is something I need to do for myself. If I’ve been thinking about it for several months, in the immortal words of the Doors, “the time to hesitate is through.” I am buying the bag and then I will write about how that makes me feel. Not for a holiday or because I did some extra work that proved I am “now,” worthy. I am just buying it because I want it and because having that item will bring me joy. I’m off to purchase a suitcase and already I feel incredibly spoiled. 

What was the last simple pleasure you gave yourself?