Tag: Release

Release Responsibility + Control

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Spring is in bloom here in Ohio and I am experiencing a creative reawakening. It is a conscious remembering that what we ask for the universe provides. We are showing up in new ways, refreshed and transformed. Making space for those activities that bring me joy and that inspire me. I am no longer available for those activities that drain my energy or leave me feeling unfulfilled. There is a natural resurgence of energy as if spring demands a release of responsibility and control.

To show up authentically we release all of those things we do not need. We are born naked, what can we take off? What do we no longer need to bear the burden of carrying? I have found in life that it is incredibly easy to take on things that are not my own. We collect obligations, tasks, work, and labor. I have held onto many things out of a false sense of responsibility. A desire to fix what is not mine to repair.

I once received a powerful bit of advice from a stranger in passing. She said, “Love is not meant to be held or given, it is meant to flow through us.” In this way all energy and emotion should pass through our lives. The goal is to be porous like sponges, able to absorb only that which is intended for us and release the rest. This allows everything not meant for us to pass quickly without lingering. Another way to think of this message, “those mountains you are carrying, you were only meant to climb.” 

Author Anne Lamott asks, “What is help if not the sunny side of control?” Releasing control is the greatest gift we can offer to ourselves and others. To release control we remember that our value is not tied to our productivity or performance. We all have intrinsic value. When we purge all of the things that are no longer ours we make space for the relationships, experiences, and gifts that we are intended to receive. We trust that that which is meant for us will come to us. We need not be responsible for more than our fair share of work or duty. Our value is not tied to our labor or our misplaced obligations to fix, repair, or care for others. 

We are here to create and give the best of ourselves to the world. As we create our own paths, let use put down the mountains we have carried. Let us climb them instead and leave all of the extra weight that rightfully belongs to other people for them to manage. This spring we are no longer bearing the burden of someone else’s mistakes or issues. Each of us is free to manifest our own destiny, no longer encumbered by the burden of false responsibility or control. We are free. 

Doesn’t the relief feel incredible? 

Writing Revolutions

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As we enter into another year I am thinking less about the new resolutions I will make and more about the things I am resolved to not carry with me any longer. In order to make space in my life for abundance, joy, and love in the year to come I need to begin writing revolutions. This includes letting go of those things that are no longer meant for me. Releasing all that no longer supports and nourishes me and freeing myself from the obligations and burdens of the past in order to walk more confidently into my future.

For me this looks like releasing obligations made by a past version of myself. I started my writing revolution (I meant to type resolution here but I think the universe knows what I’m talking about so I am going to leave it – revolutions I shall have!). My process includes going through the previous year’s writings. I look for what goals I write and what dreams I still have on my list to achieve. There are two parts to this exercise and I missed one of them. I found my goals and dreams. I forgot to highlight the accomplishments and big steps I have taken forward. And therefore without the support of those accomplishments buttressing my dreams it felt as if my list of duties and obligations only grew while my progress remained stagnant. 

Logically, I know that I have just as many accomplishments as goals. But when confronted with multiple pages of work to be done and little to nothing on the list of accomplishments I felt rather defeated. And instead of coming into the new year refreshed, revived, and proud – I held back. I refrained from writing anything new simply because I did not have the energy to begin.

Therefore, rather than feeling defeated, I am embracing this teachable moment. I am releasing myself from those obligations. Yes, they were the dreams of a woman in the last year and some of them I will delight in achieving. But I am also allowed to release them to the universe. This choice frees me to move on to those things that are truly meant for me. I am setting myself free from the burden of accomplishing any more goals.

I may go back through the journals I have kept over the last year and highlight my accomplishments later. That process may lift my spirits and remind me of all that I have done in 2022. By the end of the year it’s easy to forget all I have done and experienced. Fortunately, keeping a daily journal and calendar helps me to keep track of these details. If you would like to join me in journaling daily – I write more about it here. Even without that reference point it is wonderful to feel as if I can still move forward with ease. 

I have done new things and challenged myself – I just don’t have a nice list organized. And I am done with carrying the load of that obligation forward. Instead, I will begin the new year with a fresh start and a clean slate. I will not burden myself with the work of a previous year. I will grant myself the grace and joy that only freedom from obligation can bring. This frees me to celebrate where I am and all that I have done (whatever that is). It brings me forward into a new day with joy, patience, forgiveness and grace. What a beautiful gift of a new day, in a new year, with nothing holding me back!

Do you journal or track your progress throughout the year? What tools do you use and do you find them truly helpful? What writing revolutions will you start this year?

Getting Started

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I recently attended a zoom where we chatted about organization. More specifically the feeling of powerlessness and overwhelm that comes from having an abundance of possessions. How having so many things can get in the way of progress. Too many possessions get in the way of living in our homes the way we want to and feeling free from the burdens of the past. It is humbling to consider how many of us have garages, basements, storage units full of things that we have not seen, used, or benefitted from owning in weeks, months, or years. In some cases we are even paying storage fees and the “stuff,” is not only not serving us but costing us. The key to freeing ourselves from this burden is simply getting started.

The freedom to live our lives the way we want to is often obstructed by the burden of too many possessions. That said, we need beauty, whimsy, and delight in our homes and among our possessions. If a variety of shoes delights you – by all means buy them, wear them, enjoy them. However, if an overabundance of shoes leaves you exhausted and drained because you can never find the pair you want then it might be time to let the shoes go. 

We all have those things that we enjoy and delight in owning – and that is completely appropriate. But when we feel obligated to maintain or keep items that do not serve a purpose or bring us joy then it may be time to reassess. I usually feel ready to purge after the winter months or visiting a place that makes me feel overwhelmed with clutter. It can be an enlightening and enlivening experience to donate those items that I no longer want or need. It is also freeing to share the items that no longer serve me with others. 

A friend attends a white elephant party annually where guests bring three items from their homes that they no longer want. The items that no longer serve them are redistributed among the attendees. The pieces that don’t find a forever home are donated. 

It feels incredible to release goods to the universe. And even better to share them with someone who may put them to good use. It is a powerful and freeing exercise. But getting started can be overwhelming. When we look at the clutter of an entire basement or the stacks that take over a garage we freeze.

When we have so many things that they no longer bring us joy but instead feel like a burden, we have an opportunity to make a shift. If looking at the stacks of bins overwhelms you. Or the anxiety inducing prospect of organizing feels like too much. Give yourself a time limit – plan to organize one box or bin a day. Do this organizing for 15 minutes and then stop. Give yourself a reward and don’t skimp out on it. Do this job for 15 minutes then it’s time to call a friend. Also, don’t tell yourself 15 minutes and then work for 30. You’re not foolish and your brain can spot a liar. If you overwork this time it will be even more challenging to try next time. You are simply getting started. 

Beginning a new task is always hard. I remember in high school a coach and I decided to start our training by walking. We wanted to be up and out for a walk early in the mornings. The first day we planned to go walk – we simply got up and went to breakfast. This seems counterintuitive but we rewarded ourselves first. As Julia Cameron tells us, “Treating myself like a precious object will make me strong.” We cannot berate and belittle ourselves and hope that things get better. We are all just big kids. Who among us responds well to being yelled at?

We naturally don’t want to do the difficult task and pressuring ourselves to accomplish it will not work. However, if we simply start the exercise, organize a single box or shelf, it makes it that much easier to move forward. And to come back another day to do a little bit more. Because we didn’t lie to ourselves or work past our breaking point – we simply took the steps necessary to make a little progress. Like a snowball at the top of a hill, we pick up momentum, speed, and weight as we roll downhill.

We can’t begin our progress and finish it in the same day. We simply have to start. Getting started and re-starting over and over until the task is done. And we can do a little bit every day to make our lives sweeter. This stead progress helps us to cherish the things we intentionally choose to keep. It also creates a home that functions well for us and our families. Organization and limiting our possessions gives ourselves the space to blossom and grow healthfully and wholly in the space we have and among the belongings we truly want in our lives and in our homes.

Release Your Worries to the Universe

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Sometimes the stresses of the world can be overwhelming. When I find myself loosing my cool I know that I have taken on too much. I recently heard about a concept where you, “listen like a sponge.” When we hear negativity we do not absorb it, we let it filter through our many holes. The wisdom that is meant for us will stick but the anger and frustrations of others do not need to reside with us. That negative energy is not ours to hold. 

Still, even with this knowledge, I don’t always practice it. On those days when I am loosing my cool I know it is time to let go of what I’m holding on to. I let go by offering these problems, worries, and concerns to a higher power. There is no issue or problem we have that the universe cannot solve and resolve.

Therefore, instead of carrying worry with me I release it. I do this by writing down whatever issue I’m having on a scrap of paper. Once you write out your concerns you can place them anywhere. You may burn them in a bonfire and let the ash of your worries be carried away on the wind. This is very cathartic and almost ads a ritual element to the process – if you like that sort of thing. Right now I have mine in a mason jar that I keep in my studio. You can write out gigantic problems, or even small ones that are persnickety, and place them in the jar. It is only important that you give the worries over to the universe. This simple action removes these thoughts from your head and enables you to let go of your responsibility for them.

Najwa Zebian writes, “Those mountains you are carrying you were only meant to climb.” Stop carrying the mountain, put it down. Free yourself from the burden of controlling or managing your own destiny. Embrace those things you can solve and complete. You don’t have to do everything, you only have to do your next right thing. Release the problem and let someone else solve it.

My job is not to control but to release control so that my higher power can get to work. The best way I have found to do that is by writing out my worries and getting my concerns out of my head and onto paper. I stop carrying mountains and leave them where I find them. I do the smaller things that I can, I solve the little problems that crop up. And somehow those really big worries find ways of working themselves out.

How do you let go of those things you cannot control?

Clearing the Clutter: Breaking Up with an Old Dream

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To create a new beginning something has to end. Many days I meditate on the the theme of clearing the clutter but today I moved actual boxes. I did the mental work first, the figurative exercise to create mental space, and to free my mind from the obligations that seem to fill up my brain and leave me with no additional bandwidth to perform the actual work. All of those exercises led me to the actual labor of lifting and moving actual boxes that had found a resting place in the middle of my office. 

The space is wide open and I feel lighter, freer, less weighed down by obligations and to-do items. I recently spent some time away with friends and we talked out our visions and plans for the future. We discussed our goals and our dreams for what our lives could look like in the next five or ten years. It was powerful deep dive stuff. My friend shared that she has some big picture goals for herself and her business but she doesn’t feel ready to pursue them. I want to share what I said to my dear and life-long friend with you – that is ok too!

It is ok to have dreams that we hold off on pursuing. We often feel a sense of urgency to complete tasks. This may come from competition with others or a desire to check something off our to-do lists. But sometimes we don’t want to do something because it is not right for us. Sometimes what felt like an incredible and exciting goal turns out to be adjacent to our path but not on our journey. And that’s ok. 

Fear in creativity is important, it tells us when we truly care about something. Sometimes though when we write and reflect we learn that that goal is no longer for us. That too is a victory, we have learned something important. Just because you have had something on your list for a long time does not mean you have to finish it. If you come to a place where it’s time to step forward or let a dream go, you can let it go. You are not obligated to complete every dream or every goal you imagine. Maybe you needed that inspiration to motivate you but now that particular goal, or version of that goal, is no longer necessary and that’s ok. It is ok to let go of something you don’t want. You don’t need to do it just to prove that you can. You’re not giving up on yourself or on every dream, you are simply recognizing that that goal is no longer meant for you. You are doing enough. You have done enough. 

You do not need to take on anyone else’s goal or anyone else’s vision, even if that goal belonged to a past version of yourself. That person did not know what you know now. That person did not have the steps behind them that you have. They made the best decision with the information they had at the time and now you know more. You are further up the mountain, your view is better and your knowledge enhanced.

Trust your gut – if you’re afraid, take small steps and see how quickly the dominoes fall. If you’re hesitating because a step is not right for you, pause, reflect, and if necessary recalibrate and move on. Once you release that item your list you have freed yourself to imagine new and bigger dreams that truly fit the path that you are on. It frees you to follow your right path. Sometimes it is just time to put things away and clear the space for whatever comes next and that is truly brave.

How do you reflect and recalibrate before moving forward? How do you choose your path with intention? What is a goal you had to leave behind in order to move forward?