Tag: routine

Preemptive Self-care

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Taking care of my full self requires a multi-layered approach. This is not just exercise and rest, rinse and repeat. To take care of ourselves is not an afterthought or side hustle. It’s investing the same energy and attention we might give to a beloved pet or family member. We invest attention, energy, and resources into care and feeding of others. We deserve to do the same things for ourselves.

Oftentimes we run ourselves ragged – traveling for work, meeting the needs of family and friends, investing our time in activities that deplete us. It’s easy to do – our culture offers innumerable opportunities to entertain, distract, or sell us something. Making time to focus on deeply caring for our bodies and ourselves has become an intentional act. 

Caring for myself I like to start with basics. What does my daily routine look like and how could it better serve me? Am I losing time to scrolling and finding myself short on time later in the day? Yes. Completely, yes. Then I need to make a point to get to bed at a reasonable hour. That means a good night’s rest.

The next piece I notice is that I’m eating later in the morning, which gives my metabolism a late start. The best way to shift that is to eat earlier. That means meal planning. Outlining what I’m going to eat the day before, or even the week ahead (particularly when it comes to dinner time), is an investment in my wellbeing. 

We’re only two steps in and you’ll notice we’re talking about planning ahead, not aftercare. This is not recovery after you’ve already run yourself ragged. It’s noticing your patterns and taking the necessary steps to rearrange your day so that it works best for you. It can be incredibly frustrating to find yourself out of groceries or running late. But what if instead of finding fault in a single day you found a new routine that better suits your rhythms? Scheduling breaks when you need to rest keeps you from doom scrolling for half an hour. We all know our devices leave us mentally drained. As opposed to resting which allows us to come back refreshed and rejuvenated. 

The strategies above might not work for every person. But I have found that when I take the urgency out of making a quick decision now, I make better choices. It’s hard to decide what our next right thing is when we’re hungry, tired, or worn out. When I feel better I get make a healthful decision with future me in mind. Being intentional in my choices my days go a lot more smoothly.

When I make the time for myself, I decide when and how I need to be taken care of best. Investing my energy to make that happen I just feel better. I am better equipped to meet my own needs and that leaves me feeling more relaxed, happier, healthier, and pleased with the quality of my life. Small changes really do make a big difference! Let me know what you’ve tried recently that simply made your life better in the comments.

Positive Morning Routine

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I have recently transformed my morning routine. Based on recent research I have formulated a new strategy for shifting my perspective. More about the science of this research here. I found that when I started my day it often began with to do list items and whatever conflict or negative pain point was most impactful in my life at the moment. Despite all of the wonderful things happening in world there was always something stuck in my craw. When I started my day this way I just felt like it snowballed. Instead of paying attention to the good things – I was seeing only conflict, negativity, and unmet expectations. So I decided to shift and create my own positive morning routine.

Here’s what I do now to brighten my mood at the beginning of my day. I’ve noticed that even on days when I have a heavier mental load to lift I find it hard to get back to powerlessness or frustration after doing this exercise. This is a writing practice. I’ve mentioned before that writing my morning pages helps me to sort out my emotions and ground myself each morning. To learn more about those, please check out my blog on morning pages and the genius of Julia Cameron’s work. 

Purge – I begin by purging, that first paragraph or two are just my dumping whatever mental load I am carrying, if it’s stress about work, a toothache, or family drama. All of it just gets dropped. This way it won’t need to distract me from what I do next. 

5 Affirmations – I write out five things that I love about myself or that I need to hear.

  1. I am strong – I can face any challenge in my path.
  2. The universe needs me and my work.
  3. Using my creativity is my gift to the universe.
  4. I am brilliant, bright, and bold.
  5. My work is necessary and important – no one else will do this work like me.

3 Anticipations – Things I’m looking forward to doing. These don’t have to be big or momentous – it could just be clean sheet night!

  1. Family dinner tonight.
  2. Sleepy cuddles from my kiddos when they wake.
  3. It’s sunny and I get to go to the pool today!

3 Gratitudes – This can be specific or broad. I included some vague ones below to help you get started. Though, I am truthfully grateful for those things too.

  1. My health.
  2. My family.
  3. Sunshine and blue skies.

One good thing that has happened in the last 24 hours. Just a few sentences here to remind myself of the good things that have happened in my day. This simple step helps my brain to look for the patterns of good things that go on in my life and not just the negative ones!

After I write out these things I find it’s really difficult to slip back into negativity. I find myself writing more about what I’m proud of myself for doing, who I’d like to spend more time with, or how I can improve or grow. This transformation reshapes my day, my perspective, and my mood. It invites me to begin from a place of peace, centeredness and joy. Instead of guilt or anger I am greeting my day with gratitude, anticipation, and full of love. If you try this positive morning routine please let me know how it works for you!

Combating Negative Self-Talk with Magic

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I read recently, “You don’t have to to have it all figured out to move forward.” It makes me think of my highlight reel of negative self talk – the judgments that seem to always be with us and leading us to feel as if I need to improve, quickly. Researchers estimate that we think about 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day – and that about 80% of those thoughts are negative. The messages that we haven’t done enough or that we aren’t enough, can leave us feeling defeated. Which in turn keeps us trapped in that negative feedback loop and in some cases can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Being in this place is exhausting. The repeated messaging that we aren’t enough wears us down – and by virtue of listening to it, and worse yet believing it, we stay stuck. We begin to believe we can’t do all that we want and because we believe it, it becomes true. That false belief saps our energy and leaves us feeling too worn down to pursue our goals or even to take that next step.

Negative self-talk is a workhorse – it simply plows the same row every day. It does not like obstacles or challenges, it just wants to plod the same path and get back to paddock by sundown. This routine may not work for us any longer, we may want to shift gears and try something new but that horse just wants to tread the familiar path. It does not like flashy colors or new routes, in fact if not for the passage of time it would hoe the same row every day if it could. The routine is predictable, the routine is safe, the routine assures that we will get back to the paddock just as we left it. There will be no injuries or negative push-back because we will have done the same thing every day. And walking that path is easy, we know we have the fitness for it, we know the way and won’t get lost. It is easier to do the same thing every day and not make any changes.

The old line, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results,” comes to mind. We can’t do the same things if we want different results. We cannot continue our current exercise routines and wake up one morning to run a marathon. When we get caught in a comfortable routine we can find ourselves fearful or hesitant to try something new – we’re afraid to leave our comfort zone. That is understandable because the workhorse in us just wants to get back to the paddock safely and the only way to guarantee that outcome is to take the same steps over and over. 

The thing is that if we never try something new or step out of our comfort zone we leave no room for magic or inspiration. We simply get home safely with nothing new to share at the dinner table. There’s a lot to be said for the joys of a simple life and a smooth day but if your heart is longing for a little adventure, wanderlust, or surprise. I hope you’ll coax that workhorse out of its rut and take a ride into town. I hope you’ll stretch in a new direction or try a new routine. You don’t have to wake up and go hot air ballooning but maybe try a new breakfast recipe, or meet a friend for lunch. Make time and space in your life for magic and see if it doesn’t add a spring in your step, a richness to your life, and a little spark that you might nurture into something new for yourself and the world. I am going to try it and I hope you do too – tell me what new things you try below! 

Sacred Ingredients for a Good Day

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I am learning that my schedule is sacred. When I put the expectations or demands of the world before my own needs I find myself chasing the tail of projects, jumping from one thing to the next, and never feeling really satisfied. Never capturing that feeling of accomplishment for a job well done. When I look outside for my validation, for my approval, I am left unsatisfied and always seeking more. 

Yesterday, both my partner and I did this. He worked through lunch and I missed my midday walk, which in the grand scheme of things are small shifts in the day. We answered emails, attended meetings, and read more material. I was incredibly productive and I’m sure he was as well. The thing is, we didn’t feel productive. We felt used up at the end of the day. We felt exhausted and run down. And by the time we got to dinner we were snapping at each other and crabby. Which happens some days but when typically our disagreements are over which type of music to listen to or if we want cocktails or something more simple with our meal, this felt off. 

I am learning from my spouse, he is phenomenal at being patient in the storm of emotions. He weathers the anger and waits until all is calm to begin conversation again. Me – not so much. I am the storm. But not yesterday, yesterday I stayed silent. It was as if my mind totally went blank, and not in a vacant way but as if it were opening. Part of me wants to blame him and his influence – after 12 years, these things happen. Pretty soon we’ll start looking like our dog too, which isn’t terrible as he is a handsome puppy. All the same, I blame him and I blame meditation. This taking time for myself is a key to the alchemy of my everyday bliss.

I also j’accuse the lack of time in nature and walking for the instigation of our disagreement. Not that every other day we are or I am perfect. On days when I keep my schedule I find myself feeling more… like myself. I feel like the person I want to be, not like a ship in a storm blown in whatever the direction the wind shifts next. I feel at ease and in my skin. I feel settled, whole, and patient. 

I’m grateful my mind went blank and opened up in conflict, it kept me from saying things that were unhelpful or worse, harmful. It also gave me the gift of feeling like I learned something instead of like I regret something I said or how I treated my partner, whom I love very much. It has given me the gift of feeling really good about the situation and how we handled it together. We prepared the meal mostly in silence, ate (lobster bisque), and I poured myself a champagne cocktail, and then we talked. And after we took care of our own needs, we commiserated and shared our challenges, I just felt worlds better. And today thinking back on it, I feel like I learned something.

I learned that placing anyone’s needs before my own runs me down and leaves me feeling depleted. Making time for myself gives me the energy I need to give to others. When I sacrifice what I need for someone or something else, we both suffer – the quality of my work suffers because I am suffering. My routine is sacred, the lessons I have learned over years of trial and error are valuable. The things I need to feel cared for are midday walks, healthy lunches with fresh ingredients, time to meditate, and time to write. When I make time to do these small things, I feel accomplished, fulfilled, and whole, and I have all I need to reinvest in myself, my family, my work, and the world. 

What do you need to feel nourished? What parts of your day are sacred to your sanity?