Tag: sacred

Living with Intention, Not just Urgency

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Have you ever noticed how we take our joys and transform them into obligations? We get tangled up in expectations and plans. Failing to let our lives blossom or unfold naturally. We have a dinner party tonight. It’s a wonderful opportunity to celebrate. But all day I have been thinking about my hair, what to wear, and if I have the right shoes. None of it matters. I am excited but also caught up in the details. I am not living with intention, I am living with urgency.

We have spent so little time out of our homes the past couple years that any event takes on new meaning. I’ve been talking a lot about the intentional use of our time and a realization is striking home. When we limit the amount of time we spend with those we love, intentionally or unintentionally, it leaves us with less time together. We may only have a handful of visits left and that feels too little. The realization also has me reflecting on living with intention, not just urgency. I have no interest in approaching gatherings with urgency – a rush to cram every interaction with deeper meaning or as many people as possible. But instead to focus on intentionality, being fully present and engaged with those we do spend time. Isn’t that how we should always approach time with our loved ones?

My aunt passed away several years ago due to early onset of alzheimer’s. She was not herself much of the time save a few moments during every visit she was my godmother. Twice a week I made a point to drive the half hour to the care facility in which she was living to spend quality time with her. We would do crafts when she was able. In the winter I would bring in a cookie sheet of snow to play with in her room. We made memories and laughed. My aunt would make propeller sounds and my daughter would fly the plane (her medical bed) to far off locales – Paris, New York, Egypt, and sometimes they made the trip. Other times they had to land early for repairs. They laughed and I laughed and recorded their exchanges. It was pure magic. 

It was the magic of being present, of sharing a sacred moment, and of knowing that all we truly have is now. Intentionality is telling our loved ones, “I love you.” Calling an elderly relative to remind them that they are important to you. Making the time for family get togethers and wearing whatever you want. Because the point isn’t what you wear, the point is that you showed up. 

Cold Hands Warm Heart

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Tips for Making Every Day Routines Sacred

When I was little my aunt used to tell us, “Cold hands warm heart,” whenever we put our icy hands in hers. She would come in from outside, we knew we were getting gentle and cold fingers on our necks and big hugs. It was such a part of our winter routine that now I say the same thing to my kiddos, “cold hands warm heart,” and bury them in my arms. It is a ritual and a memory, a simple way to make common occurrences sacred. 

This winter I am striving to create more meaning in my daily practices. My showers, skin-care routine, the way I go to sleep and the way I wake up. These are daily events that I often rush through. Time lost in the past or in the future – Did I put the clothes in the dryer? I need to pick up milk. The saddest part is that this happens every day. By focusing on our anxieties or worries we loose opportunities to create nourishing rituals.

Tips to make small moments brighter.

  1. I purchased a small box of mindfulness cards that I open each morning to give me a mantra, intention, or reflection that I can use to intentionally begin my day.
  2. Adding sweet smelling soaps and lotions to my showers and skincare routines. They add delight to the experience and remind me to slow down.
  3. Cookies! After my meditations I am savoring chocolate shortbread cookies with strawberry icing. These sweet treats being a little taste of summer into my chilly winter afternoons.

None of these shifts is monumental or expensive. Yet they are excellent tools for making my everyday routines sacred. I am feeling hot water raining down on my skin, smelling coconut and remembering summer, beaches, and fun. The biggest revelation is the practice of staying in the moment. I am not just going through the motions. Beginning my day engaged and delighting shifts my perspective and improves my mood.

The simple act of enhancing my daily practices makes my life richer. It is wonderful to be able to brighten my own day and surprise myself. It is the little things that make life nice and remind us of the many joys of being alive. We don’t always have to remodel the kitchen or take off on vacation to feel special. Sometimes all it takes is a cozy reminder – cold hands warm heart, have a hug, we’re so loved. 

What little gifts can you give to yourself that would make life more lovely? How do you make your daily routines special? What scents bring joy to your heart or what loving sayings did you grow up with in your home?

Sacred Ingredients for a Good Day

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I am learning that my schedule is sacred. When I put the expectations or demands of the world before my own needs I find myself chasing the tail of projects, jumping from one thing to the next, and never feeling really satisfied. Never capturing that feeling of accomplishment for a job well done. When I look outside for my validation, for my approval, I am left unsatisfied and always seeking more. 

Yesterday, both my partner and I did this. He worked through lunch and I missed my midday walk, which in the grand scheme of things are small shifts in the day. We answered emails, attended meetings, and read more material. I was incredibly productive and I’m sure he was as well. The thing is, we didn’t feel productive. We felt used up at the end of the day. We felt exhausted and run down. And by the time we got to dinner we were snapping at each other and crabby. Which happens some days but when typically our disagreements are over which type of music to listen to or if we want cocktails or something more simple with our meal, this felt off. 

I am learning from my spouse, he is phenomenal at being patient in the storm of emotions. He weathers the anger and waits until all is calm to begin conversation again. Me – not so much. I am the storm. But not yesterday, yesterday I stayed silent. It was as if my mind totally went blank, and not in a vacant way but as if it were opening. Part of me wants to blame him and his influence – after 12 years, these things happen. Pretty soon we’ll start looking like our dog too, which isn’t terrible as he is a handsome puppy. All the same, I blame him and I blame meditation. This taking time for myself is a key to the alchemy of my everyday bliss.

I also j’accuse the lack of time in nature and walking for the instigation of our disagreement. Not that every other day we are or I am perfect. On days when I keep my schedule I find myself feeling more… like myself. I feel like the person I want to be, not like a ship in a storm blown in whatever the direction the wind shifts next. I feel at ease and in my skin. I feel settled, whole, and patient. 

I’m grateful my mind went blank and opened up in conflict, it kept me from saying things that were unhelpful or worse, harmful. It also gave me the gift of feeling like I learned something instead of like I regret something I said or how I treated my partner, whom I love very much. It has given me the gift of feeling really good about the situation and how we handled it together. We prepared the meal mostly in silence, ate (lobster bisque), and I poured myself a champagne cocktail, and then we talked. And after we took care of our own needs, we commiserated and shared our challenges, I just felt worlds better. And today thinking back on it, I feel like I learned something.

I learned that placing anyone’s needs before my own runs me down and leaves me feeling depleted. Making time for myself gives me the energy I need to give to others. When I sacrifice what I need for someone or something else, we both suffer – the quality of my work suffers because I am suffering. My routine is sacred, the lessons I have learned over years of trial and error are valuable. The things I need to feel cared for are midday walks, healthy lunches with fresh ingredients, time to meditate, and time to write. When I make time to do these small things, I feel accomplished, fulfilled, and whole, and I have all I need to reinvest in myself, my family, my work, and the world. 

What do you need to feel nourished? What parts of your day are sacred to your sanity?