Tag: schedule

Preemptive Self-care

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Taking care of my full self requires a multi-layered approach. This is not just exercise and rest, rinse and repeat. To take care of ourselves is not an afterthought or side hustle. It’s investing the same energy and attention we might give to a beloved pet or family member. We invest attention, energy, and resources into care and feeding of others. We deserve to do the same things for ourselves.

Oftentimes we run ourselves ragged – traveling for work, meeting the needs of family and friends, investing our time in activities that deplete us. It’s easy to do – our culture offers innumerable opportunities to entertain, distract, or sell us something. Making time to focus on deeply caring for our bodies and ourselves has become an intentional act. 

Caring for myself I like to start with basics. What does my daily routine look like and how could it better serve me? Am I losing time to scrolling and finding myself short on time later in the day? Yes. Completely, yes. Then I need to make a point to get to bed at a reasonable hour. That means a good night’s rest.

The next piece I notice is that I’m eating later in the morning, which gives my metabolism a late start. The best way to shift that is to eat earlier. That means meal planning. Outlining what I’m going to eat the day before, or even the week ahead (particularly when it comes to dinner time), is an investment in my wellbeing. 

We’re only two steps in and you’ll notice we’re talking about planning ahead, not aftercare. This is not recovery after you’ve already run yourself ragged. It’s noticing your patterns and taking the necessary steps to rearrange your day so that it works best for you. It can be incredibly frustrating to find yourself out of groceries or running late. But what if instead of finding fault in a single day you found a new routine that better suits your rhythms? Scheduling breaks when you need to rest keeps you from doom scrolling for half an hour. We all know our devices leave us mentally drained. As opposed to resting which allows us to come back refreshed and rejuvenated. 

The strategies above might not work for every person. But I have found that when I take the urgency out of making a quick decision now, I make better choices. It’s hard to decide what our next right thing is when we’re hungry, tired, or worn out. When I feel better I get make a healthful decision with future me in mind. Being intentional in my choices my days go a lot more smoothly.

When I make the time for myself, I decide when and how I need to be taken care of best. Investing my energy to make that happen I just feel better. I am better equipped to meet my own needs and that leaves me feeling more relaxed, happier, healthier, and pleased with the quality of my life. Small changes really do make a big difference! Let me know what you’ve tried recently that simply made your life better in the comments.

Investing Time Wisely

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How to make Your Agenda your first priority and why it’s important.

At the beginning of any new year I like to take inventory. I go through the accomplishments of the previous year and create a list of all of the things I have done – new certifications, courses, or trainings. As I collected together this list today I realized – in life we move closer toward what we make time for. And I want to be sure I’m investing my time wisely.

At the beginning of the year it is fun to set intentions or write out resolutions. However, any project that I devote time and energy towards I will get better at and I will improve upon. At the beginning of the year I have the opportunity to choose where I allocate my time. If I take trainings in website design or pottery I will get better at those things. Therefore it is important to decide what I am working towards. 

Delight in the Detours

I am not advocating for a military style adherence to duty. Detours and often they delight and surprise us more than just following a very regimented path. I am suggesting that if we don’t take control of our own time, obligations will fill our days. 

If you don’t choose good books to read you will likely end up scrolling on your phone. If you don’t register for creative classes, or schedule a vacation that time will pass anyway. The only difference between being where you are now and where you want to be is your ability to invest in making your dreams happen. 

Parables

There’s an old story about a woman who wanted to get her law degree. She tells her friend, “I want to go to school but it takes so long and by the time I’m done I’ll be 45, I don’t think I should do it.” Her friend says, “In four years you will still be 45. Do you want to be a lawyer then or not?” Time will pass with or without our approval – how we fill it is up to us.

I hope you choose to spend your time on activities that bring you joy. Remember the only way to go in the direction you want is to intentionally take the path that leads there. 

Facing Challenges

We inevitably face challenges and hurdles – some plans may be delayed. Or you might miss opportunities because something else is more important and that is ok. The goal is not to plan out every moment or control every situation. The goal is remember that you have power over your time – it is the most valuable and limited resource we have in life. 

Choose Your Path

Choose how you wish to spend your time – if it’s law school, or a nail technicians course, or pottery class. Don’t leave the course of your life to someone else’s control because chances are they will steer you where they want to go, not where you would like to be. If you have a partner or a family, coordinate plans so that as you’re moving ahead your traveling together. It helps to have friendly faces to share the journey. Growing together with people you like and admire does not happen by accident, it happens by intention. Fortunately, the power lies within each of us.

I wish you courage and fun on the new year’s plans. Register for that pottery class, or finally decide to finish or start that degree. I hope you find the path that leads where you want to go because that is always the path to success. Love and hugs friends. I wish you well.

What journeys are you beginning this year and what steps are you taking to make them happen? I’m taking a writing class!

Making Meaning in an Empty Day

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I write a lot about what to do when there is too much on your plate. Long weeks and heavy work loads seem to be the name of the game lately but every so often the universe gives us the gift of time and space. The trick is not to fill it up – as we are often so tempted to do when we catch a spare moment. The day will pass, time has a way of marching on even when we feel stuck or busy, but we can choose to use our unscheduled time with intention.

Free time is our opportunity to rest, recover, and reflect but so often the way we spend our free time leaves us just as drained and exhausted as if we had worked a full day. Therefore when we find ourselves facing an empty agenda it helps to take a moment to think and set an intention for the day. 

Setting my intention – Do I want to feel energized? Do I need rest? What does my mind, body, heart, spirit ask of me today? These are some excellent questions I use to figure out what I need for myself in the day. This way I don’t loose myself in social media or in a Netflix binge and wonder where the day has gone and why I am so hungry. For instance, today I have noticed our family is a bit on edge and so we took a trip to the library. New books always put us in better moods and having an adventure that doesn’t cost anything but feeds our minds and souls is one wonderful way I take care of my family and myself. 

Eating well – What foods do I like or need to feel nourished? In our house a diet consisting of primarily meatballs and meatball derivatives would satisfy half of our household at all times. For those of us who prefer more variety than just ground meat this includes indulging my cravings for a hearty salad and vegetables. It means making cookies on cold days or preparing soups that we can warm up later in the week for a satisfying non-meatball based dinner. 

Making space for fun – I already talked about watching mindless television and how that can suck my energy without leaving me feeling particularly satisfied but I do want to offer a caveat to that rule. I feel better when I watch something that I love – if I cuddle up to watch any film in the Norah Ephron or Nancy Myers Library, Sabrina, or recently Good Omens by Neil Gaimen – these creative endeavors leave me feeling inspired and engaged. 

When you watch something fulfilling, or write an extra page in a journal, you indulge yourself and give yourself the space to think differently. Activities that allow us to imagine and play leave us more refreshed and alive than had we just vegged out in front of a stressful news program or show that doesn’t particularly interest us. Don’t waste your own time, give yourself the gift of being attentive to your intention and doing something that brings you joy.

Being productive – If you insist on being productive or completing a task give yourself a time limit. I sometimes find when I have a day where nothing needs to be done I fill it with errands – grocery shopping, deep cleaning the stove, or starting a small home renovation project. Don’t fill your day with obligations but if you do need food in the house give yourself a time limit. Take an hour to run to the shops but be sure to honor yourself and your own time and be home to lay out on the couch with a good book and a hot tea. Show up for what you need not just what everyone else wants. 

Quality Time – Quality time can be by yourself or with a friend, partner, child, whomever you like and admire and want to share your time with on this day of nothing. If you’d like to call a friend and catch up or hide in your bed and read both are acceptable and equally valid uses of your time. I have decided to dig out a recipe for fall cookies that my grandmother used to make and I plan to make them with my children this afternoon. It’s not a huge undertaking or a difficult task. There’s sugar involved so we’ll all have fun making snickerdoodle cookies. It will be nice to share a piece of my childhood with my children and celebrate our shared family history together. And then we’ll have cookies for dessert later, which is always a good way to end the day.

Early to bed – Sometimes when I start having fun painting or reading it’s difficult to stop and the day whips away from me more quickly than I realize. Before I know it, it’s 6pm and I need to eat, the house needs to be tidied, and I’ve lost a day – it’s like a good day hang-over. To avoid getting into that situation where instead of savoring and celebrating the end of a good day I regret or beat myself up about how I chose to spend my time I make sure to set the alarm – just a reminder to have a good dinner, share some cookies for dessert, and stick with my regular bedtime routine. I may even add in a face mask or some luxurious treat for myself before bed. Make it sweet and simple and get some good rest so that I can enjoy reflecting on this day of leisure and rest joyfully for the rest of the week and maybe make more time in my schedule for days like this that really nourish and fill me up.

Monthly Agenda Ideas

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I’d like to share an aspirational guide for how to show up in the world with intention and create opportunities for deeper connection with those we love. 

Therefore, in hopes that this agenda might inspire you, as it does me, I have included below a list of monthly options to enrich your life and the world. I read it somewhere and copied it down. If you know where this came from, or if it is yours, please let me know so that I may give credit where credit is due! – Update this list originally came from Jared Sawyer Jr. (@JaredSawyerJr) a minister, musician, and author. Thank you Jared!

  1. One day date with a friend
  2. 24 hours with NO social media
  3. One day outdoors
  4. One evening out with friends
  5. One date night (Even just by yourself)
  6. One breakfast with friends
  7. One movie night
  8. One day serving others
  9. One day completely to myself
  10. One date night with each child

This agenda is not intense and in fact it creates space and ease in life to know what is coming next. I am sincerely going to attempt to apply these steps to make my life more splendid and well rounded. Though in all sincerity I will need to adopt the strategy of the Danes, wherein they plan their agendas weeks ahead. I find that as I get older it becomes harder and harder to gather with friends and even when we do plan in advance it seems we aren’t always able to connect – throw in covid and it is practically impossible to make a plan. That said, efforts will be made and hopefully these little steps will come together to make all our lives fuller and more authentically connected. I hope they make your life a little more lovely too. 

What strategies have you employed to stay connected to loved ones? How do you make time for connection in your daily life?

Planning Your Joy: A Roadmap

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I want talk about the wisdom of Michelle Obama. “You have to plan you joy,” these words spoke to my soul and I hope it does to yours too. My time is often eaten up by obligations, duties, and expectations. Weekends falling victim to “to-do” lists and events. And before I can blink the year is done and I have done so many things for other people, groups, and associations but I haven’t spared a second for myself. I have failed to give myself time to nurture, nourish, and grow my own passion projects, interests or even my own self-care.

This year I tried something new, I scheduled monthly meetings with my long-distance friends. Those circles and people that I don’t see often but miss and want in my life. Here we are in December and I have rarely missed or re-scheduled these events simply because in January they were the first things I put onto my calendar. Seeing success with these endeavors I am going to apply this strategy to some other areas of my life. I am going to take this experience and Michelle Obama’s wisdom and use them both to enhance and improve my own life. I’m sharing my roadmap so you can too!


Planning my joy – I’m going to break this down into smaller bites.

Time for myself – These are what Julia Cameron calls “Artist Dates.” Dates that you don’t share with anyone else. You don’t take your kids or partner, you don’t turn it into errand running or a task. It is simply time just for yourself to have fun. The time is designed to spark your creativity and feed your inner artist. Naturally I am going to start by scheduling a couple hours at least once a week to do something that I am excited about and that interests me and this is just for me, a special treat, an experience that feeds my soul and fuels my creativity. I am starting with a class, open studio, something structured otherwise I procrastinate!

Partner Quality Time – Date-night is Thursdays at our house. I’m on the hunt for a babysitter to make these nights more special and meaningful for my partner and myself. We each need a night off dinner duty and a break from the monotony of routine. I have these dates on our calendar and they are refueling our relationship. Making time to get out and try something new together breathes new life into our union.

Kiddos – Once a week dates with each kid. This may be as simple as completing a craft together. But I often find that when I am in the midst of chaos my children will come to me with a fairly large request – “Will you help me make a quilt?” And while I would love to do this if I had the time, I am often in the middle of preparing a family meal or about to hop in the shower when this request comes in. So I’m carving out time for each child where we can read, go on a walk, or have a picnic lunch and go to the park. Now I can enjoy making beautiful memories with my children while they still want to spend time with me. And hopefully we’ll make it a habit that they never out-grow.

Family time – I’m starting with a once a month family adventure. I find that the memories I enjoy most are when we go somewhere new as a family and try something different. Just a day trip to somewhere nearby is all it takes to inspire us and bring us closer together. We play and learn together and because the experience is new to all of us, no one is bored, and no one is in charge. We are all on this adventure together and that’s the part that is most thrilling. My goal is also to share responsibility for this time – each person gets a month to choose what our activity will be. This will hopefully democratize the process so we don’t end up only going where one person wants and everyone gets an opportunity to pitch in and share a topic, place, or adventure that they want to try. I will let you know how this goes!

Time with Friends – I always love time with friends but I rarely plan it into my schedule. Therefore, I am adding a night out with friends monthly. Perhaps one date a month is a double date night. Or meeting a friend on their back porch for cocktails and we exchange spouses for the evening so each partner gets an adventure. There’s a lot of good that comes of time with friends. 

I’m also planning a dinner party a month. In the midst of COVID I have forgotten how to host. I have missed leisurely all day brunches, sporting event parties, and potlucks. I’m excited to stretch my hosting muscles again and get back into the kitchen and eating appetizers with friends while dinner cooks. I’m excited to make dining an adventure that we undertake together. I’m excited to get back to living.

What are you most excited about? What other tips do you have for making fun a part of your regularly scheduled activities and daily life? How do you make time for yourself and the relationships that really matter?

Sacred Ingredients for a Good Day

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I am learning that my schedule is sacred. When I put the expectations or demands of the world before my own needs I find myself chasing the tail of projects, jumping from one thing to the next, and never feeling really satisfied. Never capturing that feeling of accomplishment for a job well done. When I look outside for my validation, for my approval, I am left unsatisfied and always seeking more. 

Yesterday, both my partner and I did this. He worked through lunch and I missed my midday walk, which in the grand scheme of things are small shifts in the day. We answered emails, attended meetings, and read more material. I was incredibly productive and I’m sure he was as well. The thing is, we didn’t feel productive. We felt used up at the end of the day. We felt exhausted and run down. And by the time we got to dinner we were snapping at each other and crabby. Which happens some days but when typically our disagreements are over which type of music to listen to or if we want cocktails or something more simple with our meal, this felt off. 

I am learning from my spouse, he is phenomenal at being patient in the storm of emotions. He weathers the anger and waits until all is calm to begin conversation again. Me – not so much. I am the storm. But not yesterday, yesterday I stayed silent. It was as if my mind totally went blank, and not in a vacant way but as if it were opening. Part of me wants to blame him and his influence – after 12 years, these things happen. Pretty soon we’ll start looking like our dog too, which isn’t terrible as he is a handsome puppy. All the same, I blame him and I blame meditation. This taking time for myself is a key to the alchemy of my everyday bliss.

I also j’accuse the lack of time in nature and walking for the instigation of our disagreement. Not that every other day we are or I am perfect. On days when I keep my schedule I find myself feeling more… like myself. I feel like the person I want to be, not like a ship in a storm blown in whatever the direction the wind shifts next. I feel at ease and in my skin. I feel settled, whole, and patient. 

I’m grateful my mind went blank and opened up in conflict, it kept me from saying things that were unhelpful or worse, harmful. It also gave me the gift of feeling like I learned something instead of like I regret something I said or how I treated my partner, whom I love very much. It has given me the gift of feeling really good about the situation and how we handled it together. We prepared the meal mostly in silence, ate (lobster bisque), and I poured myself a champagne cocktail, and then we talked. And after we took care of our own needs, we commiserated and shared our challenges, I just felt worlds better. And today thinking back on it, I feel like I learned something.

I learned that placing anyone’s needs before my own runs me down and leaves me feeling depleted. Making time for myself gives me the energy I need to give to others. When I sacrifice what I need for someone or something else, we both suffer – the quality of my work suffers because I am suffering. My routine is sacred, the lessons I have learned over years of trial and error are valuable. The things I need to feel cared for are midday walks, healthy lunches with fresh ingredients, time to meditate, and time to write. When I make time to do these small things, I feel accomplished, fulfilled, and whole, and I have all I need to reinvest in myself, my family, my work, and the world. 

What do you need to feel nourished? What parts of your day are sacred to your sanity?