Tag: Wellness

Painting + Flow

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There is the patter of rain on the windows and roof, I am settled into my seat, lemon water at my side and my tummy rumbling for a sweet treat – I keep cookies in my desk drawer for these occasions. I am feeling good – processed. I recently missed an opportunity that I thought might be for me. It was disappointing and I allowed myself to wallow yesterday. I needed a day to be angry and frustrated. Today, I needed to get into flow, so I painted.

An easel sits across from me in my office. It typically holds a painting that I am working on or a blank canvas waiting to be filled. Today the paint and my ideas flowed. I am feeling quite satisfied to have created something I know to be beautiful and believe to be good. I also have had the idea to ask the local frame shop if on Friday afternoons I might paint in their front window – possibly to draw customers in and hopefully sell a few of my pieces. It might be fun and it is something that occurred to me as I painted.

That’s the beauty of creative work, it frees the mind to wander. And gives space to let the imagination roam. There’s actually a pile of research on the benefits of somewhat mindless activities like painting. These tasks help us get into slower brain waves that bring us into flow and help us to make connections in our brains more efficiently. When our brains are in the state of flow we’re able to bring together a variety of ideas to create a new and unique solution. To learn more about the research I would encourage you to read The Art of Impossible by Steve Kotler. 

When I create I get to consider imaginary situations, topics that I have thoughts on but haven’t had the time to process. For me painting is meditative. When I am in the midst of my work it is easy to loose track of time. I feel completely absorbed in the best way possible, choosing colors, creating patterns or destroying them. It is powerful and empowering to simply focus on my work and what I want to do next. Painting frees me to finally think clearly. It gives me a fun medium in which I can make mistakes or change my mind and the consequences are minimal. It is freeing and makes my soul sing.

Whatever you do today I hope you give yourself some space to create. I notice that when I don’t make room in my life to act on my inspirations I feel cranky and stifled. Why make ourselves miserable for no reason? With that in mind I am grateful and excited to see what beauty we create in the world next. For now I’m focusing on this canvas and what colors and images come next. It’s a very good day, I hope yours is too!

Release Responsibility + Control

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Spring is in bloom here in Ohio and I am experiencing a creative reawakening. It is a conscious remembering that what we ask for the universe provides. We are showing up in new ways, refreshed and transformed. Making space for those activities that bring me joy and that inspire me. I am no longer available for those activities that drain my energy or leave me feeling unfulfilled. There is a natural resurgence of energy as if spring demands a release of responsibility and control.

To show up authentically we release all of those things we do not need. We are born naked, what can we take off? What do we no longer need to bear the burden of carrying? I have found in life that it is incredibly easy to take on things that are not my own. We collect obligations, tasks, work, and labor. I have held onto many things out of a false sense of responsibility. A desire to fix what is not mine to repair.

I once received a powerful bit of advice from a stranger in passing. She said, “Love is not meant to be held or given, it is meant to flow through us.” In this way all energy and emotion should pass through our lives. The goal is to be porous like sponges, able to absorb only that which is intended for us and release the rest. This allows everything not meant for us to pass quickly without lingering. Another way to think of this message, “those mountains you are carrying, you were only meant to climb.” 

Author Anne Lamott asks, “What is help if not the sunny side of control?” Releasing control is the greatest gift we can offer to ourselves and others. To release control we remember that our value is not tied to our productivity or performance. We all have intrinsic value. When we purge all of the things that are no longer ours we make space for the relationships, experiences, and gifts that we are intended to receive. We trust that that which is meant for us will come to us. We need not be responsible for more than our fair share of work or duty. Our value is not tied to our labor or our misplaced obligations to fix, repair, or care for others. 

We are here to create and give the best of ourselves to the world. As we create our own paths, let use put down the mountains we have carried. Let us climb them instead and leave all of the extra weight that rightfully belongs to other people for them to manage. This spring we are no longer bearing the burden of someone else’s mistakes or issues. Each of us is free to manifest our own destiny, no longer encumbered by the burden of false responsibility or control. We are free. 

Doesn’t the relief feel incredible? 

Boundaries Refresher

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Boundaries are the ground rules we share with others in healthy and mutually respectful relationships. They are the limits we place around our time, our attention, and our energy. Our boundaries are not negotiable. Lately I’ve been feeling my boundaries are in need of a tune up. I can tell because I am feeling angry and pushed to firmly state or re-state my limits. Anger is a guide that shows us where we need boundaries.

I notice my boundaries can sometimes slip when I choose to ignore my own needs in order to please or gain approval from someone else. It’s what Brenee Brown calls, “Hustling for worthiness.” We ignore our own desires and instead focus on meeting someone else’s needs, hoping to attain validation from that other person or group. It never works. We are left in resentment and anger because we have given what we need most to someone else. We feel resentful of them – whether they knew we were making a sacrifice or not – and angry that we feel used. It is exhausting to live in anger and resentment. It is not a strategy for building healthy relationships.

Therefore not volunteering to contribute to my own destruction is a necessary boundary for me. It is one with myself but there are others too. Some boundaries include how much time I am willing to give to a phone call or conversation topic. How much attention I wish to pay to a certain discussion at a particular time. How far I’m willing to go to meet someone. These limits are what keep me grounded in joy. Giving only what I am willing to share, not giving away that which I need most is key.

In fact, to build healthy relationships is to respect the boundaries of others and have your boundaries respected in turn. It is the highest form of mutual respect and love I can imagine. The reciprocity, for me, is the most important piece. It is the dance of give and take that makes others feel valued and seen. It lets our partners know we respect their limits and are willing to meet them where they are comfortable. Boundaries give us all the space to be free and held. I read recently, “Home is not a place, it is a feeling.” And that struck me as a deep truth. When we come home to our friends, family, lovers, and children we are connecting and creating home. 

A major component to home is safety. We feel safest when we know that we are valued and respected. One of the ways we show others that we love them is by respecting their boundaries. And the way they show us that we are equally valued is by respecting ours. Never settle for less than equity. Never agree to a relationship where the terms of engagement require you to sacrifice your needs or wants for someone else’s. Arriving at a point in life where you can be kind to yourself first, take care of yourself first, is a moment to be celebrated. Because boundaries come from being attentive to our own needs. We have more on how to discover your own needs here.

Pay attention to what your anger is directing you to be attentive to – do you need to set or restate some boundaries? Do you need more space or less? What can you do to feel more at home and at ease in your relationships? What boundaries have you used to center and ground yourself and create a safe home in your relationships with others?

Prolonging Happiness

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According to positive psychology research Joy is a temporary emotion – something brought about by a singular moment or situation that sparks a momentary lift in emotional satisfaction. Whereas happiness is more sustainable, an emotion we can prolong for a stretch of time. We can feel happiness over minutes rather than just seconds. In order to prolong happiness we must first prime the pump, or get into the habit of feeling happy. 

To feel happiness more regularly we must first familiarize ourselves with the experience. When we get comfortable and aware of what makes us happy we ready ourselves to engage, experience, and eventually prolong happiness. We begin by noticing and paying attention to what makes us happy so that we may attune our attention to it.

Often when we talk about happiness we remember brief moments in time. It could be a night out dancing with friends, a child’s laugh, the euphoria of dating someone special. These are all delightful and serendipitous events that we can’t necessarily plan for – simply because all of these moments are joy. Happiness however, that more sustainable sensation, can be created through deliberate choice making and attentiveness. 

We are attentive to our happiness when we stay in it. We don’t distract ourselves or “forbade joy,” which Brenee Brown describes as staring at a peaceful child sleeping or watching an idyllic scene from a movie and anticipating something horrible happening. To be clear, foreboding joy is a natural inclination and something that we all experience. We do it because our happiness in that moment is so great that we fear loosing it. Therefore, we imagine the end of that happiness. Despite that preparation being of no use to us and costing us the loss of the very real happiness of that moment. To avoid slipping out of happiness and into fear, anger, or any other strong emotion the key is to first stay in gratitude. 

Staying in gratitude when things are good is the first step to sustaining happiness. Gratitude allows us to linger in that blissful sensation of peace and serenity. As we experience prolonged happiness or even just a burst of joy it is important to notice what is happening. Are we talking to a good friend or preparing a homemade meal we enjoy? Being aware of our bodies and selves in those moments helps us notice the signs.

Think back over the last week and write down the moments that brought you the most joy. Maybe you bought a new sweater or made a fresh batch of cookies for dessert. These don’t have to be major accomplishments. Sometimes our favorite song comes on the radio and that’s enough! When that happens write it down. When you have a list of five or ten moments of joy review the list. What, if anything those moments have in common?

Now that you have your list, you have a place to start. How can you create at least one more moment of happiness in the next day, week, month? These are simple opportunities where you can incorporate happiness into your life. If all of your moments are around food, could you make a meal at home and amplify the sensation? If your happiest moments are around friends, could you schedule a gathering monthly so you not only enjoy fun in the moment but also the happiness of looking forward to gathering? Come up with your own ideas and give yourself the gift of happiness. 

Incorporating happiness and prolonging happiness improves the quality of our days and lives. How can you enhance the quality of your own life today? If you need more ideas on recognizing happiness, we have some other creative happiness tips here.

How to Have a Happier Life

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Usually I write about the keys to bringing our best selves to our lives. One of the tools I don’t talk about as much but want to address now is relationships and how they help us to have a happier life. I recently watched this TED talk on the impact our relationships have on our lives. Research shows the highest indicator of our happiness throughout our lives is not whether we achieve fame, wealth, or renown. It is not if we are productive or compete well. In fact the highest indicator of wellness and longevity is the health of our relationships. 

As someone who loves her alone time I want to focus on this point. Because taking care of myself with exercise, creativity, meditation, etc. will enhance my wellbeing but it will not determine the duration or the quality of my life. The research shows that good relationships keep us happier and healthier.

Wow, that’s a lot. As someone who curates her relationships, I want this to sink in not just for you but for me too. Having relationships with people we know we can depend upon actually enables us to live longer, healthier lives. And not only that – it decreases the pain we will feel when we do face health issues. Less physical pain – due simply to having dependable family, friends, and relationships with others! And how do we do that? How do we make friends? What if we live in a new place? Or are not familiar with our community? 

Family

Here’s what I know. We recently relocated to a new home – which I talk more about here. We moved to a location much closer to family. We now live in this town with my family super close and it has been one of the best choices we have made. We wave when we drive by each other. We have guaranteed help whenever we make too much spaghetti or have more desserts than any one family can consume. And more than that, family makes this new place feel like home.

Friends

I have found getting involved in the things that interest you help you find your people. For example, I attended a free writing course at the library and ran into an acquaintance. We’re now attending a writing conference together. I even gave a recommendation for her in a job interview. I don’t know that if I needed a kidney she’d be my girl but I sure know that when there’s a writing program, she’s going to make sure I know about it! These small things make a difference in helping all of us feel supported. 

Community

If you want to get involved in your local community I would recommend joining your community and neighborhood facebook groups, attend the block party, even if you only stop by for a short visit. It really is lovely to see a friend you met briefly on the drive home. Even if you don’t like the pressure of a large event you can always attend your community’s annual parades, fireworks displays, home and garden tours, or street market. These are fun, low pressure, ways you can see and meet the people who live around you out and about. 

The larger community can sometimes feel daunting. And the thing is if this isn’t for you it’s ok to stick with a small group. We don’t need a ton of friends we just need a few real ones.

Building relationships really makes a difference in our quality of life. I hope these ideas enrich your life too – and helps all of us all to live a little longer, a little happier, and with less pain and suffering. Sending you lots of love and my deepest thanks because this little community is one of the places where I feel deep joy to be surrounded by loving and likeminded people. So thank you – M.

I am always after ideas and strategies for how to live a happier life. Drop a note in the comments if you have some tips and ideas for creating community and building deeper relationships. 

Building Mental Strength

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I have been thinking a lot lately about how the muscles we exercise are the muscles that we strengthen. When we focus on our arms or legs we first increase flexibility, endurance, and then begin to see gains. Increases in our ability to lift or move larger objects. The endurance to run longer distances without overexertion. The ability to work harder, longer, faster, etc. All of these capabilities that were not ours at the outset of our exercise become easier for us. This happens too with our mental strength and resilience.  

I’m realizing that as I observe and take in information that is primarily negative that these are the mental muscles I am choosing to exercise. When my perspective is of judgement, suspicion, or worst case scenario that is what will likely appear. As I look for the negative I will find it. Much as if I look for the positive I would find evidence of that. The choice is ours of what perspective we decide to bring to our interactions. Am I looking for help, hope, and optimism? OR am I looking for judgement, hurt, and negativity? 

When we fixate on the negative or worst case scenario those are the thought patterns we encourage to grow. This happens easily when we fixate on negative news, or patterns. However, we can give ourselves grace as the pursuit of any goal takes time. As we work toward any goal – writing a book, painting, or yoga – we give our attention to that goal. The more time and energy we devote the better we get at that activity. As we focus our attention we learn more. Testing theories and learning from our mistakes.

The mental muscles and the patterns that I want to strengthen are those focused on drawing joy, hope, generosity, light and love into my life. I do that by being attentive to those patterns. By shifting my focus from, “What is wrong with this picture,” to “What is going right here?” Or better yet, “How can I improve this picture?” 

With a renewed and optimistic perspective I am striving to make a positive impact not just in my own life but also in the world. This mental strength shift requires intention and attention. It also requires that I do the work of looking for the good in others, in myself, and in the world. It means that my mental strengths need to shift from judgment to support and aid. With time we will start to see the good things first in one another and ourselves.

Let’s try a new mental workout routine to shift our perspectives from disengaged boredom to being the change we wish to see in the world. I hope you will join me.

Reclaim a Positive Mindset

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This month I’m noticing a shift in how people are showing up. As we prepare for a blast of snow storms here in the midwest there is an edge of negativity and and frustration. This post pandemic reality has not been easy on any of us. I want to take a minute to remind us all of the power we have to reclaim a positive mindset. 

The negative feedback loop does not just happen on social media, it can happen in our own minds as well. Following simple steps is helpful so that we don’t get pulled down into negativity. That said if you feel like you are depressed or need additional help, please seek out a professional care provider. You are not alone and there are experts available, don’t feel you have to face this challenge on your own. 

If however you’re simply looking to lighten the load and brighten your perspective here are some tools we can use to get out of a negative mindset:

Social Media – Revise your social media follows. Pay attention to the media you consume. If you find yourself dragged down or feeling sad or empty after scrolling, start by taking a break from your social feeds. After a break from screen time clean your virtual house. Clear out any account that makes you feel less joyful than when you first view it. It does not matter if these are accounts that belong to people you know, news sources, or causes you believe in – if the content is leaving you drained or in a negative head space, root it out. You can come back when you’re ready but for now it is time to cleanse and take a break.

News Sources – Being an informed and engaged citizen is important but if you are feeling overwhelmed by the content you are observing give yourself permission to let it go. You are not obligated to carry the weight of the world in order to be informed. Choose a positive news source or limit your consumption to one short block of time a day. In the 24 hour news cycle most information does not serve you. Do not allow yourself to be guilted or held accountable for knowing all. Your peace is more important. 

Connections – Pay attention to how you feel after talking with friends and family. Do you feel refreshed and enlightened? Do you feel bogged down or tired? There are some people in our lives who can suck all of the joy out of the room and others. After an interaction it can take hours, days, or weeks to recover. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re with others and if you notice things are heading south, get out. You can begin with boundaries and remind yourself of them as needed. 

Another idea is to make time to spend with people who lift you up and make your life brighter. Be attentive to who those people are in your life and make a point to spend more time in their company.

Mental Health – And again, if you find yourself feeling down more often than usual, seek out a professional mental healthcare provider. Caring for yourself is your most important job. You are your most important thing. The world is a more radiant and beautiful place because you are in it. We cannot win or finish the race if we do not take breaks to rest and recover.

Give yourself everything you need to thrive, feel nurtured, and grow. Reclaim your positive mindset. Care for yourself as you would a small child, pet, or plant. We need sunlight, water, warmth, and care – these things do not come by accident, they come by intention. Be generous with your self-care. Not only are you worthy and deserving, you are also unique and wonderful. There’s no one else like you in the world, so please take care of you. 

Cold Hands Warm Heart

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Tips for Making Every Day Routines Sacred

When I was little my aunt used to tell us, “Cold hands warm heart,” whenever we put our icy hands in hers. She would come in from outside, we knew we were getting gentle and cold fingers on our necks and big hugs. It was such a part of our winter routine that now I say the same thing to my kiddos, “cold hands warm heart,” and bury them in my arms. It is a ritual and a memory, a simple way to make common occurrences sacred. 

This winter I am striving to create more meaning in my daily practices. My showers, skin-care routine, the way I go to sleep and the way I wake up. These are daily events that I often rush through. Time lost in the past or in the future – Did I put the clothes in the dryer? I need to pick up milk. The saddest part is that this happens every day. By focusing on our anxieties or worries we loose opportunities to create nourishing rituals.

Tips to make small moments brighter.

  1. I purchased a small box of mindfulness cards that I open each morning to give me a mantra, intention, or reflection that I can use to intentionally begin my day.
  2. Adding sweet smelling soaps and lotions to my showers and skincare routines. They add delight to the experience and remind me to slow down.
  3. Cookies! After my meditations I am savoring chocolate shortbread cookies with strawberry icing. These sweet treats being a little taste of summer into my chilly winter afternoons.

None of these shifts is monumental or expensive. Yet they are excellent tools for making my everyday routines sacred. I am feeling hot water raining down on my skin, smelling coconut and remembering summer, beaches, and fun. The biggest revelation is the practice of staying in the moment. I am not just going through the motions. Beginning my day engaged and delighting shifts my perspective and improves my mood.

The simple act of enhancing my daily practices makes my life richer. It is wonderful to be able to brighten my own day and surprise myself. It is the little things that make life nice and remind us of the many joys of being alive. We don’t always have to remodel the kitchen or take off on vacation to feel special. Sometimes all it takes is a cozy reminder – cold hands warm heart, have a hug, we’re so loved. 

What little gifts can you give to yourself that would make life more lovely? How do you make your daily routines special? What scents bring joy to your heart or what loving sayings did you grow up with in your home?

Open Heartedness

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Letting energy flow through you.

“If your heart is open it can’t be broken.” This statement was given to me by a stranger in passing. This mantra marks a lovely moment of synchronicity in my life. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I didn’t know this person and after this moment I have never seen or heard from her again. And yet her gentle teaching has stayed with me for years.

Today I was reminded of this lesson as I did a grounding meditation. The purpose of the meditation is to bring life back into focus so we’re not scrambling after every small offense or ruminating on any particular situation too long. Overthinking be gone!

As I did the breath exercises I remembered that part of this lesson has to do with our desire to hold on to our emotions, anger, frustrations, or even joy. We can’t hold onto these things unless we wish for them to go toxic. Much like grains of sand, the tighter we squeeze the faster they slip through our fingers. Therefore, as I did this exercise I released. I let go of trying to control or understand. This released the desire to manage the outcome and by doing so I am no longer ruminating. I am free to enjoy my day, free to savor the present moment, and write freely.

And that’s the word that stands out – free. When we let love, energy, emotion, etc. pass through us, as welcome visitors, we get to enjoy them in the moment. When we attempt to hold on too long we are left clinging to a shadow of that experience. Letting things flow through our lives frees us to embrace the transitory nature of life. Therefore when we are having fun or experience joy, we savor it. Just as when we suffer it too will not last. Remembering the temporary nature of life is frees us to enjoy the good and endure the bad. With open hearts we accept the love poured into us and remain open when love leaves for whatever comes next. 

Trusting ourselves and the universe begins by listening to our own inner voices. When we trust that more will come, we do not need to hang on for dear life. Our open heart knows there will be more joy, more laughter, more friendship. We do not need to cling to what we have and we do not need to own it. There is nothing that we own in life – least of all our emotional state or those we love. Without ownership there is no responsibility to manage or control.

Therefore it is with an open heart I wish you a beautiful day full of love, ease, comfort, laughter, and faith. My hope is that you try allowing everything to flow through you rather than into you. Ride the waves rather than being worn away slowly like a rock. Even the thought is liberating. Those mountains you are carrying you were only meant to climb. Let’s stop carrying undue burdens and weighing ourselves down with obstacles. Let us instead choose to free ourselves and let the universe take care of the rest. As they say in yoga class – Namaste. 

Pouring from an Empty Cup

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When life feels hectic and as if the momentum to move forward is not surging as we would like. Or if at times it feels as if I am rushing while the world itself seems to be in slow motion. It reminds me that caring for myself is necessary – and warranted. That is why I take the following five simple steps to taking better care of myself.

Five Simple Ways to take better care of yourself. 

  1. Drink water – Dehydration is not only terrible for our skin and mood but it also can lead to ill health and lightheadedness. Taking time to be sure we’re drinking enough water and giving our bodies what they need is important.
  2. Focus internally – this can be done with meditation, yoga, or a few deep breaths. Whatever comes next will come, the only way we can meet challenges is by being and staying grounded in ourselves. 
  3. Get active – take a walk or do some light stretching. Any movement will do but getting into our bodies is the best way to know what we need next.
  4. Rest – It may be a quick nap, a break from calls so you can focus on a single task at a time, or maybe a day off. Recovery is the only way to heal and be fully healthful. Taking a break for rest is necessary and important.
  5. Be gentle – Whether we are dealing with someone else or ourselves, being kind and gentle makes us strong. We want to be the kindest person in the room – not the loudest. Therefore let that kindness begin at home and in your own head and heart.

What steps do you take to take better care of yourself? What gifts of love do you give yourself when you feel as if you’re wearing thin?