Tag: faith

Subtracting to Add

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I recently watched an interview Trevor Noah, the former host of the Daily Show, did with Oprah. He asked her after having spoken with so many leaders in fields spanning all areas of interest and society what contributes most effectively to a person’s success. Oprah’s response was simple, “Everything – every choice and movement you make needs to be aligned with your purpose.” 

When you know your purpose you can direct your course towards making that path the one you choose to follow. Distractons delay, detour, or completely knock us off course. When you decide what it is that you want to do in this life and in the world – every step and decision you make should be in pursuit of that higher goal. Your energy, be it at rest or in motion, needs to be focused on that goal. 

To me it seemed much like writing a novel. Every line needs to have a role. Every word written must be necessary and relevant. Superfluous language or details only distract from your message. The purpose is the clarity of your story. If any line, paragraph, or sentence is not in service to telling your story, delete it. Every word must reveal more about your characters, provide your reader with necessary and relevant information, or it needs to be removed. Anything extra is distracting from that message. As an author this makes sense to me. It creates a solid ground and structure that I can follow. I am on a path and as I make my way towards my goal I only stay on the path that leads to better telling of this story. 

According to Oprah, this works in life as well. When you focus on your goal nothing should distract you. I have found that my heart knows what it wants it prioritizes that path anyway. The things I don’t want to do are so difficult for me to force myself to complete. There is mental and sometimes physical resistance to the things that do not serve my true purpose. It’s difficult and draining when I’m doing things that are not in service to my goal. 

I would encourage you to look at the things you are doing. What tasks feel like a breeze and you could do them all day? What projects or tasks feel like an absolute slog?

Keep a list beside you as you go through a regular day. Draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left side list the items that feel like a dream and delight you. On the other side of the line write down the tasks you completed but didn’t enjoy at all. Some things are necessary evils, we have to wash the dishes if we want to eat off of clean plates tomorrow. There are also some tasks that we do simply because we feel obligated. What terrible duties do you feel exhausted by? They are taking too much time and energy. Is it possible to delegate these tasks or remove them from your chore list entirely? Are they necessary? 

As you subtract those tasks that are not aligned with your true purpose and higher power you may find that not only are you happier but you are also free to pursue more of the good things that bring you joy and align with who you are. It may mean subtracting relationships, tasks, etc. But as you make room in your life for joy, purpose, and your dreams, life becomes a lot richer and more fulfilling. You are create space for those events, people, and projects that deeply nourish you and fuel your pursuit of your goals rather than distracting you from them. 

Confirmation Letter

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I recently wrote a confirmation letter to my cousin on a transformative rite of passage. These words were intended to lift her up, bring her through a difficult time, and embrace herself and her own path. I hoped to welcome the transformations that life was bringing to her. I wanted these words to land gently and hoped that they might inspire her to listen to herself and find her own way. It is with that same hope I offer them to you. I hope they fill your cup and serve as a confirmation letter of what you already know to be true.

Congratulations, I am so proud of you! I know you are ready. Choosing to become an adult carries great responsibility. You are deciding to take ownership to care for yourself and for others. You are choosing to listen to your heart and follow where it leads. 

Listening to the small voice inside yourself is difficult – it can be especially hard when that voice is shouted over by social media, friends, and entertainment. To listen to your inner wisdom takes courage and quiet. Finding that quiet place of power within yourself so that you can follow your inner longing is what will lead you on your journey. You have done so much work to get to this place and I know that you are prepared to take this next step. I am sure that the universe will lead you to exactly where you are meant to be in the world and in life. Look at how far you’ve come already!

Being a teenager is a tricky time in every young person’s life. You’re learning to be the woman you will become and are beginning to carry the little girl you were in your heart. Protect that little girl. She worked hard to get you to exactly where you are right now. She braved tough times and has made you the person you are today. A lot of times we think negatively about ourselves in the past. We feel embarrassed or ashamed of our mistakes and choices. Sometimes we think we could or should have done things differently. It’s important to remember that all of those rough patches and challenges made you who you are today. They will give you the strength and wisdom to get you to where you’re going tomorrow. 

Never let anyone treat you in anyway that you would not want for that little girl. As an adult your job will be to take care of your inner child, protect her, nurture and nourish her, and let her play. Having fun only sometimes is not an option. I want you to be joyful, happy, and to laugh every day! I want you to feel the rain like magic, and I want your heart to sing. There is so much joy I wish for you. 

Where you are right now is temporary and as we go through life I think that is one of the most important things to remember. When things are hard – it’s temporary, you’ll get through it. And when they’re really good – it’s temporary so savor and enjoy it. Don’t let anything or anyone keep you from celebrating and living life as your fullest and most authentic self. 

I love the brave, bold, sparkling, and imaginative young woman you already are – I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of that little girl who always fought fiercely for herself and others. That radiant person who knew what she needed and went for it bravely. It has been my honor to watch you grow and develop into the person you are today. While we haven’t always spent as much time together as we might have liked it always fills my heart to hear you are thriving and to know that no matter what difficulties you may face you meet them with courage, consistency, and kindness. 

Being a kiddo is tough work – you’re doing all of the same things adults are doing, you’re just doing it all for the first time and with a lot less experience to rely on. It is not easy to learn everything. That’s why childhood takes so long – there’s a lot to figure out. And while lots of kiddos aspire to be grown up – I’ll hope you’ll cherish these moments because they are fleeting like a sunset and temporary too.

This moment is holy and so are you. Pay attention to where your inner wisdom is guiding you. I know that your curiosity and excitement will serve you well in life. I hope that some of what I have said helps and serves you on your journey. Please know how deeply loved you are and how grateful I am that you are mine.

This is kind-of a graduation, now isn’t it? A new beginning. I want you to know that even though you will now be an adult I am always here to listen and help you in any way I can. I’m so proud of you. Congratulations! I cannot wait to see where this next step takes you. I know this is not the last graduation, rite, or incredible blossoming I will celebrate for you. But it feels like a beautiful gift and honor to share these thoughts with you now. I am holding you in my heart today and always. 

Patient Progress: One Bite of the Bear at a Time

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This week the progress on our new home has shifted into slow-mo. It feels like every moment I am working and when I am not working I am preparing food. Meal planning, ordering, and preparation while a necessary task is also an obligation that requires time and attention and energy that feels as if it could be better spent unpacking and organizing. With extra hands here we had the support necessary to accomplish several tasks at once. The speed at which we could work was accelerated and now that we are just two adult hands on deck, and both of us working full time, it feels like we are constantly being pulled in opposite directions. If we are eating, our children want to play. If we are working, they want to be with us. If we are attempting to organize or unpack a box, they are at the opposite end of the house unpacking whatever cabinets we have just organized.

It is incredibly frustrating and it feels like everyone wants a piece of my time, of my energy, of my day. I am trying to stay grounded, to focus on one task at a time but that is difficult when I hear a crash in the other room or the raised voices of children in conflict because their parents are otherwise engaged. 

Crock pot meals rise to the top of my list and the thought of potentially hiring a nanny. These are tempting thoughts that would make things easier in our household. I’m also working on taking one bite of the bear at a time. I am trying to order one necessary item or one easily solvable problem to address each day. Unpack a box of towels at lunch – this is quickly done and it is one more box done. On the weekends the goal has been one room a day but that progress has slowed significantly as I no longer have our nanny here to distract our children, run interference, or do the heavy lifting that requires a quick solution that I am too overwhelmed to find myself. 

I am grateful for the help we have had over the past couple weeks. I am grateful for the support and am realizing now how necessary and valuable that added pair of hands is when they are competent, deft, and eager to assist. That level of intervention is not only necessary but appreciated. My goals may have shifted from the completion of an entire room down to a single box or drawer but I am getting there. Progress is being made. And while the larger projects like power washing the porches and walk ways, building the cabinet that holds all of our guest blankets and towels, purchasing furniture to fill all of the empty spaces in our home will have to wait. In this moment and at this time I am taking baby steps. I am moving forward slowly but surely. 

The big shifts will come eventually. Right now the goal is just to keep moving forward. To rest when we need it, to relax and hold space for ourselves. To recognize and appreciate that progress comes in small steps and as we downsize a box here and a bin there we are still creating space in our home for the right things to find us. We are crafting the life we want in our dream home and that takes patience and time. It takes constant and gentle progress to move ahead. We cannot always move in leaps and bounds. Some days we must plod and some days we must sit still, but we continue to move forward. We continue to find our way toward our shared goals. We will make it. This too shall pass. Everything arrives at its appointed time, my only duty is to enjoy the ride, to savor the sweet and wonderful moments, to make progress where I can but also to trust the process. It is working, just as I continue to work. We each have a job to do and we will get there at the exact right time. It just takes faith, trust, and patience and I can practice each of those. 

How do you take time to rest and recover? How do you show patience and kindness to yourself as you work towards a larger goal?