Tag: meditation

Guided Meditation

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Stress is a common part of modern life. Perhaps it’s one topic or several but when we’re overwhelmed we’re not our best selves. And that’s ok, one great way to ground ourselves and get calm is through a guided meditation. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to do everything on your own. As Ina Garten reminds us, “Store bought is fine.”

We start by not holding ourselves to an impossible standard. Instead let someone else guide you toward the calm or frame of mind you wish to embody. Relinquish control and the self-imposed responsibility to be perfect. Spoiler – none of us are perfect. So on days when things are feeling particularly chaotic or you’re feeling overwhelmed with emotions or demands let go. Give yourself a break and choose a guided meditation to to not only soothe your nerves but also to remind you of the path you have chosen for yourself. 

One of the really lovely things about paying attention to our bodies and our mental state is that we notice when something is awry. Rather than behaving in ways that are not true to ourselves we’re able to stop and refocus. We are able to prevent ourselves from acting out. Whenever I feel as if I am getting carried away with emotion or stress that is my body’s signal, I need to meditate. And, whenever possible, take the easy route and let someone else guide your focus. When we’re already worked up it’s hard to get into a calm frame of mind. It’s ok to look elsewhere for coaching – it’s how we level up our self-care. Guided meditations are an easy way to get out of a negative mindset and escape the pressure to be perfect.

How do you level up your self-care?

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How Does Happiness Feel to You?

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Let’s share a meditation today. Simply copy down the headers and write your own responses. I’ve included my answers for inspiration. I’m excited for you to use this tool to bring you into the present moment and more in touch with yourself. The goal is figure out how happiness feels to you so you can add more of it to your daily life.

Look

To me, happiness looks like a luxuriously appointed room, with panoramic views of trees, wildlife, and gardens. They could be oceans, lakes or mountains but the glory of wide open spaces is mine to enjoy. I have time and freedom to savor it. To me, happiness looks like I have space to myself, peace, and the promise of adventure.

Feel 

Happiness feels soft like throw pillows, cozy fireplaces, and hot tea. It feels serene and gentle, like my dog at my feet. It feels expansive and as if I do not need to strive but I may settle, be at ease and rest.

Taste

It tastes like hot chocolate and delicious meals that feed, fuel, nourish and surprise me. Rich flavors that feed my soul and my heart’s longing for fulfillment and adventure.

Smell

Happiness smells like a new book and typewriter tape. It smells like ink, sea salt, and sunset. The lush abundance of freshly mown grass and ripe summer peaches. It smells wholesome and rich, tender and calm.

Sound

It sounds like a fireplace crackling. Happiness sounds like woodland walks on secluded paths. To me it is symphony music and the effervescent bubbles of champagne. 

That is what happiness feels like for me. And reading it over, most of it includes activities I share with my dog. So maybe, for me, happiness is life with my trusty pup. How lucky are we to live in a world with dogs?

Did you try the exercise? How does happiness feel for you? 

Open Heartedness

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Letting energy flow through you.

“If your heart is open it can’t be broken.” This statement was given to me by a stranger in passing. This mantra marks a lovely moment of synchronicity in my life. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I didn’t know this person and after this moment I have never seen or heard from her again. And yet her gentle teaching has stayed with me for years.

Today I was reminded of this lesson as I did a grounding meditation. The purpose of the meditation is to bring life back into focus so we’re not scrambling after every small offense or ruminating on any particular situation too long. Overthinking be gone!

As I did the breath exercises I remembered that part of this lesson has to do with our desire to hold on to our emotions, anger, frustrations, or even joy. We can’t hold onto these things unless we wish for them to go toxic. Much like grains of sand, the tighter we squeeze the faster they slip through our fingers. Therefore, as I did this exercise I released. I let go of trying to control or understand. This released the desire to manage the outcome and by doing so I am no longer ruminating. I am free to enjoy my day, free to savor the present moment, and write freely.

And that’s the word that stands out – free. When we let love, energy, emotion, etc. pass through us, as welcome visitors, we get to enjoy them in the moment. When we attempt to hold on too long we are left clinging to a shadow of that experience. Letting things flow through our lives frees us to embrace the transitory nature of life. Therefore when we are having fun or experience joy, we savor it. Just as when we suffer it too will not last. Remembering the temporary nature of life is frees us to enjoy the good and endure the bad. With open hearts we accept the love poured into us and remain open when love leaves for whatever comes next. 

Trusting ourselves and the universe begins by listening to our own inner voices. When we trust that more will come, we do not need to hang on for dear life. Our open heart knows there will be more joy, more laughter, more friendship. We do not need to cling to what we have and we do not need to own it. There is nothing that we own in life – least of all our emotional state or those we love. Without ownership there is no responsibility to manage or control.

Therefore it is with an open heart I wish you a beautiful day full of love, ease, comfort, laughter, and faith. My hope is that you try allowing everything to flow through you rather than into you. Ride the waves rather than being worn away slowly like a rock. Even the thought is liberating. Those mountains you are carrying you were only meant to climb. Let’s stop carrying undue burdens and weighing ourselves down with obstacles. Let us instead choose to free ourselves and let the universe take care of the rest. As they say in yoga class – Namaste. 

4 Steps to Progress

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Today, we come to the end of our second year of Meanings with MK. I am deeply humbled to be here. Honored to be on the edge of another year and to have the opportunity to look back and reflect on how far we have come. And I am forever grateful to be undertaking this journey will all of you. Time will pass but growth is optional. The steps to progress below will help as you continue on this journey.

Progress is challenging but also worth it. As Neil Gaimen has said, “That which we attain without effort we cannot possibly value.” Remembering where we started gives deeper value to where we are now. Each of us has made sacrifices and choices to improve our lives and grow. There are some steps to progress that are etched onto our hearts. They have transformed our lives for the better. In honor of this second year, I’d like to share them with you.

These are also topics I’ve written on over the past couple years and so I have linked to the how-to posts as well. I hope they serve you.

Meditation

I meditate for, at least, 20 minutes a day. It is a small chunk of time but the difference it makes in my mood, my energy, and my writing is miraculous. The meditations I use are always shifting and changing depending on my mood and circumstances but I show up every day and always feel better when it is done. I write more on meditation here.

Morning pages

I write three pages, stream of consciousness, every morning. Even before I write this blog, I have already written three pages and that feels incredible. It is in keeping with the teachings of Julia Cameron and I could not recommend more highly this simple exercise of starting your day by dumping all of the rogue and random, complaints, worries, joys, and fears onto the page. Just purging all of the chatter in my mind first thing gives me perspective, insight, and the ability to start my day fresh and unburdened. – Also, you can always edit something written but you cannot edit a blank page.

Boundaries

Setting my own and respecting the boundaries of others has opened me up to so much deeper connection and honest interaction. My relationships and my life are better for the boundaries and mutual respect required to uphold them.

Goal Setting

Taking two steps every week towards accomplishing a goal. Whatever my goal is I practice taking small steps toward it. My dogged pursuit of my goals is not done without challenge or obstacles but it is done with persistence. It’s easy to see a large dream and think, “I’ll never get there,” or, “If I fail at this I’m done.” Instead I see failure as a lesson, something I can use to help me grow. I am patient but relentless in my pursuit of my goals.

This blog and the lessons I share with you are all things that I have learned along the way. Many of them are hard-won. And many of you perhaps have learned on your own journeys. For me, writing out what I have learned reminds me of the lesson. I hope reading these notes reaffirms the message and your own commitment to yourself and to your path. 

I hope you find something here to carry with you and help you on your journey. I’m grateful to you for reading. Your being here brings this work full circle. The only way we every truly learn something is when we are able to teach it to someone else. Thank you for helping me to grow and to learn. Thank you for being here. I celebrate how far we have come together to get to this point.

What three things are you most proud of yourself for learning? What steps to progress work best for you?

Be Careful of Your Thoughts

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Every day on the drive home from school my family would pass a party center with one of those light up signs where someone would replace the letters every week. I don’t know who their message posting philosopher was but I read their work every day. I memorized the notes from that sign and they have served me well throughout my life. The most impactful posts, for me, were from Lau Tzu a mystic philosopher of ancient China, best known as the author of the Tao Te Ching (The Way and Its Power), which is the original Taoist text published in the 3rd century. I’d like to share them with you: 

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.

Watch your words, they become your actions.

Watch your actions, they become your habits.

Watch your habits, they become your character.

Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Over the next few posts I’d like to unpack each of these sentences. Starting with our thoughts.

In yoga the experience of having our thoughts randomly jump from one idea to another is called, “monkey mind.” Because, like a monkey, if not properly attended to our minds will bounce all over the place. We are impacted constantly with sensory information and data that triggers our mental synapses to fire – we see a truck, think fire truck, fire, candles, Sylvia’s birthday is on Friday I have to remember to get candles. And the like. 

In meditation we attempt to still the mind – which isn’t so much actual stillness, except observing our thoughts with detachment as if we were watching them happen to someone else. Our thoughts are not for us to manage or dissect in meditation. As we meditate we are simply to stay aware that we are thinking but not engage with the thoughts – it is not easy. That said, it can be incredibly freeing to release ourselves from the constant mental leaps of consciousness and simply be both physically and mentally still. The guidance to, “watch your thoughts,” may be in reference to meditation. To separate yourself from your thoughts and observe them. 

Watching your thoughts could also be instruction to be attentive to the quality of the thoughts you entertain. Are your thoughts primarily negative or positive? Are they judging or shallow? A reminder that what we give our attention to is what we will draw to ourselves. If we’re thinking negatively we will want to talk about and discuss with others who share our perspective and will therefore draw more negativity into our lives. Are we thinking about ideas and concepts or are we thinking about ourselves or other people? This reminds me of the sage advice attributed to American First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt but originally stated by English historian Henry Thomas Buckle, 

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” 

If you were to be attentive to your thoughts would you be proud to say them out loud? Or if you find yourself ruminating on insults or past interactions might your time be better spent creating new happy memories? Or investigating ways in which you might make your mind a more pleasant place to visit? After all, our happiness begins from within, shouldn’t we do our best to make our minds and thoughts a pleasant place to be and live?

This week I will be watching my thoughts to see what I learn. I hope you’ll join me and if you feel comfortable, share what you’ve learned or noticed in the comments.

Centering: Using the Tools we have to Ground Ourselves

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This weekend in the absence of meditation I have been feeling discombobulated. I have had so many thoughts running through my mind that it’s hard to pick and choose where my natural beginning is to be found. Which task needs to be addressed first – what is my next right thing? Fortunately, when I start to feel overwhelmed I have the tools to bring myself back into the equation and to find my way back to my own center. 

The temptation may be to scroll through my phone or search for wisdom from some outside expert. Sometimes I follow this rabbit hole but the answer is already here inside of me. I know the answer already. There is no sage wisdom that someone else possesses – we possess it inside ourselves already. In short, I got this. 

I recover from this feeling with meditation or writing. I write out all of the half-sentences, and half-baked ideas swirling around in my head like a list. I let them flow out of me and onto the page and eventually they start to make sense. There’s a deeper meaning that is hidden beneath the layers of surface distraction. And whatever it is, that small whisper has room to come through when I get all of that extra background noise out of the way.

Once it is out of the way I focus on my intentions and what I want and need. That means eating well, drinking enough water, and tending to myself as if I am precious. It means investing in myself and giving myself the time and attention I need to feel balanced. Focusing internally allows us to redirect the energy that can be lost quickly when I am looking to someone else to guide me or give directions. I follow my own marching orders and to do that I need to be nourished, healthy, well rested, and to be kind to myself. The little voice inside of me that longs to be heard will not shout – it is my job to silence the external din so that I can listen within myself and find what I am looking for there. 

Each of us has a mission and a purpose in this world. Our role is not to understand or explain it. Our role is to show up and give our best. What’s incredible is that even as I write this I feel the tugs of self-doubt and fear that our society indoctrinates young women to feel. But I also feel the soaring of my heart when I listen to myself, when I reward myself and don’t silence the vision I hold of the future. We all have so much to give the world and we can only share our gifts if we slow down, look within, and share our souls. 

To me this looks like silence, hydration, rest, meditation, good food, and exercise. What does it look like to you?

Expansive Meditations: Choose Your Own Adventure

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This afternoon I was completely lost in my meditation. I awakened to a feeling of lightness, freedom, and expansiveness. I lay down with the impression that I would focus on the concept, “Nothing in Nature Blooms All Year,” or “Blooming where you are planted.” Instead I feel stretched wide open and eager to make plans. I feel as if I have an opportunity to see the wide world and try new things. I am feeling like growth personified. 

We are in the midst of planning several vacations and adventures. We are dreaming of what comes next for us and what we want to do in the future. I feel burst wide open with possibilities. I could hire a yoga instructor and coach to join my girlfriends for a day on our lady-retreat. I could begin making reservations for our family vacation to see a certain mouse. I could hire my friend to take my updated portraits for my professional profile. I am brimming with ideas and when I lay down to be still and absorb I felt as if I had a finite number of items on my list and that I wanted to accomplish. Now, I feel like there is so much inspiration pouring in from every direction. The shift comes from choosing my guided meditation intentionally.

I often get into a comfortable rut, listening to the same meditations day in and day out, hoping that I will maintain the lessons I am attempting to learn by reinforcing and repeating the ideas shared. This can be true, it can be wonderful to listen to the same meditations over time as they are a solid touchpoint that remind me to be still and to savor certain concepts. However, it is just as important to spice things up – to choose the guided meditation intentionally. This process can be as simple as scrolling. 

I like to choose a guided meditation from a collection I know and trust. I like Sarah Raymond’s voice from the Mindful Movement and truly feel comfortable with her as my guide. Therefore, I quickly eliminate the vast majority of guided meditations that are not hers. I also choose my meditations based on the amount of time I have to spend, if I have time for a longer meditation I enjoy it. But if I feel rushed or stressed it distracts from the experience and so I’m sure to choose a meditation that helps me to keep my schedule and absorb what I can in the allotted timeframe. Then I search and scroll based on the parameters I have already chosen – some days it is trust in myself, other days it is inspiration to start something new. There are so many options but I often find exactly the meditation that speaks to me. And when I feel like the meditation I use is directly linked to my frame of mind it feels even more impactful and effective. 

Today I came in small and left big. It is thrilling to feel so large and wide and free. Having the inspiration to meditate is an excellent first step – but enjoying the benefits, living the calm peace and joy that comes of feeling spiritually, emotionally, and mentally aligned is a priceless gift.

How does meditation make you feel? Do you choose the same guided meditations over and over or do you change it up? What guided meditations do you enjoy most? 

How to Meditate

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I realized today that I talk a lot about my meditation practice on this blog without really going into what that looks like for me. Therefore today I wanted to share that with all of you so that maybe, if you’d like, you could join me in the practice.

First and foremost I would like to share that I do my best to meditate daily. This does not always happen. On weekends, when I travel, or on busy days where I suddenly look up and it’s already 5:30 and dinner isn’t made I do not always meditate. I want to make sure that I am clear about this and as honest and transparent as possible because there were many years I didn’t meditate because the commitment seemed too daunting. I felt that the practitioners claiming to meditate daily had teams of staff to do their bidding and that was how they were still productive despite taking a huge chunk of their days to be still. Let me be clear, I do not have a staff. I do not have a team of people ready to do my bidding while I lie in repose for hours on end. I’m a typical parent, I get interrupted, I have days I don’t practice at the same time and days that I just can’t get into it and that’s ok. The purpose of meditation is to practice. The showing up is the most important part. 

The benefits of meditation are many including a lower heart rate, stress management, and increasing imagination and creativity. I meditate because it helps me to stay calm and keeps me in the present. Meditation is one of the tools I use to show up in the world as the version of myself I most admire and like. When I meditate I feel calm, peaceful, and productive. I most often write this blog promptly after meditating because it is the time when I feel most attune and aligned externally and internally. 

That said, the purpose of this post is to tell you how I do it. First, full disclosure, I have yet to graduate to complete silence and serenity. I do not quietly sit in a private yoga studio. Instead, I make my bed – it usually doesn’t get made until I come to lay down to meditate. I take a quick potty break just so I’m not distracted while in the middle of my meditation. Then I take my eye mask to the microwave. I kiss my kids who are distracted and watching television – otherwise they pop in approximately every 10 seconds to ask for something unnecessary. I bring the dog with me so he is not tempted to panic bark at the Prime truck delivery across the street. I grab the mask from the microwave and head up to my room where I close the door, pull a blanket over myself and plug in earbuds to listen to a guided meditation. 

I find guided mediations to be a personal pursuit of preference. I enjoy Calm’s introductory 20 minute mediation. I like soft music, I don’t prefer nature sounds in the background. I find women’s voices more soothing and I really enjoy the Mindful Movement on YouTube. I typically only listen to the same, 5 or less, meditations regularly. But that can shift with my mood. I will seek out different meditations if I’m feeling the need to listen more to my inner voice, find more peace in the chaos, or just to be more present in my daily life. You can use any framework to make your choice but pay attention to your preferences and honor them so you don’t come away from your meditation more annoyed or frustrated than you were when you started. The goal is to be more peaceful and satisfied, not to add to the grievances of the day.

I listen to the guided meditation for 20 minutes with the eye mask on. Some days I can push past 20 and go longer but most days I meditate for 20 minutes, it just seems to work the best for me and my schedule. Occasionally, I put lotion on my feet or essential oils where I can smell them to pamper myself and feel more tended to while I’m at rest. It takes a little more prep-work but it feels super delicious to stretch post-meditation and smell good things and feel balanced, whole, and generously cared for. It takes the practice up a notch and turns it into a delightful gift you’re giving yourself.

When the mediation is done I stretch and put away my mask. I fold the blanket I use to cover myself and sit down to write. I feel like I do my best work when I write, slightly bleary eyed and fully present. That is when I feel I produce my most authentic work. When I first got started – read the first year to year and a half – I would have a little chocolate almond treat when I wrote. A little pavlovian trick to help encourage myself to keep going. It seems to have worked, I have been doing this meditation thing for nearly two years and I really feel like I am a better person, and certainly a more productive artist, for it.

What strategies do you use to meditate? Are there tools that help you to get into the zone? Or what additional self-care treats do you give yourself when you meditate? Have you been able to sit in total silence yet? What has that experience felt like for you?

Savoring the Good: Five Steps to Staying Present

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Today I want to talk about savoring those moments that are sweetest. Our days and lives are full of beautiful, lush, and lovely moments that we often miss. Our brains are so active and full of energy that they are often rushing to solve a problem rather than enjoy the still and silent moment that is happening right now. We spend so much time looking forward or looking back that we forget to enjoy where we are right now – and now truly is the only time we have. Here are five steps I use to get out of my head and into the present moment – all you need are your five senses and a few minutes. 

Start with a few cleansing breaths – deep ones that fill you up. If you inhale to the count of three and exhale to the count of four that should help. Also, extra points if you exhale a sigh, which vibrates the back of your throat and soothes your limbic system as well.

When you’re ready:

Eyes/ Sight – I look around the space I am in and name five things I see or want to see. I’ll do this exercise as I write so you can follow along and do it yourself with me. I see:

  • blue sky
  • sunlight on the carpet, 
  • trees, 
  • warm yellow walls, and
  • a painting of a tree

Ears/ Sound – List four things you can hear or want to hear.

  • a dog barking
  • an airplane overhead
  • tree leaves rustling, and
  • a bird calling for its mate.

Hands/ Touch – List three things you can feel or want to feel.

  • the gentle keyboard keys under my fingers
  • the slick comfort of my athletic pants, and 
  • soft cushion of the chair I’m sitting on.

Nose/ Smell – List two things you can smell or want to smell.

  • my post-meditation chocolate 
  • a warm fall breeze that smells like change

Mouth/ Taste – List one thing you can taste or want to taste.

  • more chocolate!

And here I am, very much in this room and this time, present and enjoying this moment as it happens. I hope you are too! Feel free to re-arrange the senses and use what works best for you. I hope it helps calm and soothe you. I hope it brings you into the present moment and truly alive in your day. 

Three Steps to Staying Centered

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There’s a lot of frenetic energy out in the world lately. As people rush to obtain vaccines, we’re all eager to travel, and all of us hoping to return to the normalcy of daily life – pre-pandemic. I’m hopeful for a return to normalcy. The comfort of hugging a friend hello. The simple joy of saying, “God Bless You,” rather than thinking, “What fresh hell is this?” Still as we all adjust to a pace that is slightly faster, as more opportunities to spend time together open up, and as the weather blesses us with the warmth and sunshine of spring I am attempting to stay grounded. 

There are a few practices that are giving me comfort as I consider for myself and my family what the future might look like for us. The following simple practices are helping me to balance my desire to get out in the world safely and my need for change, growth, and progress.

Walks – My son and I take daily walks – and sometimes when one of us is angry we’ll go on a walk until we’re ready to talk about it. We take Dr. Brenee Brown’s research into breath work and exercise and apply it to our conflicts. Exercising, getting out into nature, and allowing ourselves to be distracted and embraced by the beauty we find outside.

Meditation – I have had, “meditate daily,” on my new year’s resolution list for five years now, and I never seem to find the time. Lately, I have made it part of my afternoon routine. Walk, lunch, meditate, and write. I use the guided meditations provided by The Mindful Movement, you can find them on YouTube or simply Google a guided meditation for the amount of time you have to work with at the moment. I feel most refreshed after 20 minutes, but any amount will do.

Breath work – Just taking deep breaths. I find my anxiety flares up when I spend too much time staring at screens. This happens with work, my phone, email. Sometimes it seems every screen I see drains something from me. So taking a break to make the bed or clean up the accumulated cups, cords, and clutter that seem to accumulate around my work space – I take a moment to breathe deeply. I’m not religious about it but that simple intentionality helps me to feel grounded and connected to the present moment.

I must say that with these practices I have found myself more present, still, and calm. There’s always something that can rattle us or distract us from who we want to be, what we want to accomplish, and the universe typically finds a way to test our boundaries. It seems to me that when I’m feeling proudest of my progress that is when the universe starts poking, just to see if I’m serious. This week it came in the form of work emails and overtired kiddos not willing to help clean up dishes without a fight. But even as these minor annoyances piled up, as they do at the end of the day, I was able to stay calm, take my main culprit on a walk and work out the challenges together. I know this won’t work every time and there will still be moments where I am not at my finest – but if I can send an email that says, “Wonderful – thank you!” instead of, “Listen here buddy,” I know I’m making progress and staying true to who I am and who I want to be in the world rather than reactive to every curveball that comes my way.