Tag: healthy choices

Be Careful of Your Actions

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Earlier this month we began breaking down the writings of  Lau Tzu a mystic philosopher of ancient China, best known as the author of the Tao Te Ching (The Way and Its Power), published in the 3rd century. The excerpt is below:

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.

Watch your words, they become your actions.

Watch your actions, they become your habits.

Watch your habits, they become your character.

Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Last week we unpacked, “Be careful of your words,” which you can read here.

When our thinking and speaking are aligned with who we truly are our actions naturally follow suit. The concept of watching your actions for they become your habits feels familiar and necessary though. To me this speaks to our daily routines, the things we do without even thinking about it. How our actions, when repeated build upon each other and become parts of our regular life. Do we make time for the things we enjoy or are we simply going through the motions. Do we incorporate fun or conversation – do we say good morning or show affection to the people we care about or do we simply presume the know how we feel.

Our actions can be deliberate choices we make to show care for ourselves and others. They can also be rote routines we follow without thinking. Anyone who’s ever gotten into the car to drive to a familiar place and suddenly found themselves at their destination without any memory of the drive has experienced this. In college we called it the transporter. How did I get home? By following muscle memory and autopilot. 

It feels like Lau Tzu is not guiding us to be ever vigilant in our activities but rather to pay attention to our choices so that we make space for simple pleasures and joy in our lives. I watched a reel on Instagram recently where they held up a sign offering $5 to any person who called someone to tell them they loved them. Every person who stopped made the call and refused the five dollars. Each said to give it to the next person, someone who needed it more than they did. I would argue that they felt richer simply by calling the person they loved to tell them. The callers didn’t need money, they had love.

The simple gesture of calling to tell someone they loved them reminded the callers of how much they had – they had people who loved, supported, and missed them. Much like that sign, Lau Tzu is calling upon us to be intentional in our actions – call someone you love, take a different route home and enjoy the view, give yourself the gift of paying attention. When we are attentive to our actions and our choices we realize the freedom we have to change the world and our lives for the better. 

Small Solutions for Bigger Problems

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I am working through a challenge right now where I am being asked to trust the process and the universe – this is not easy! Anyone who has ever sought faith or belief in a higher power has been forced to confront this terrible requirement that is both incredibly easy – once you accept it. But also insanely challenging when you fight acceptance. We fight letting go because everything in our modern life encourages us to believe that we have control. Fortunately and unfortunately we have no control over the world, our circumstances, or the situations in which we live. However, we do control ourselves, our choices, and the way we show up in the world. 

I feel it, deep within me, I am fighting this new development. I want to control the outcome and jump to the part where I chuckle over this resistance and use it as an anecdote for how enlightened and accepting I am… well, I’m not there yet! 

So while I await for enlightenment and acceptance to arrive I am going to do the things I know how to do first. When problems get big I get small. I start doing the small works I never seem to have time to accomplish. I’m going to get to mending those items in the laundry basket – they’ve sat there for ages. I will get organized, all of those paper documents that need to be filed, saved, or shredded – the ever evolving pile of paper that seems to grow on any horizontal surface will be dealt with now. I am cleaning house. Actions that I can delegate will be passed on. Anything that can be taken off of my to-do list will be eliminated or automated. My various lists and plans will be combined and shortened.

While in the midst of this process I received an incredible gift. I called our dental insurance provider over a technical glitch. I was passed from one staffer to another. Even though I was feeling feisty I opened with a genuine greeting – if there is one thing we can learn from Southern women it is that we always say ‘hello,’ and greet one another before asking for anything, it’s just good manners. But once that was done, I answered honestly. I shared that I was frustrated and I told the agent why. She offered me a real solution, and gave me the option to take it. I said, “Yes!” She gave me less work to do and more time for everything else!

What a surprise and what a thrill, to be given the gift of time by a stranger. I could have played coy or put on some fake tone that customer service representatives see right through anyway but I didn’t. I showed up authentically, I told her where I was coming from and she genuinely helped. She saw my problem but saw also the larger picture. I did not need to waste any more time creating an account because the work I was trying to do would be done by my employer and it would have been a waste of my time. So thank the universe for that first customer service agent who forwarded me to someone who could help more than they could and God bless Bernice who gave me the gift of time and less work to do.

Challenges we face may not be solved right away, like that first customer service agent we may not have all the answers but we know someone who can help. And the way we transfer the call or get to that next level is to do the first level work. We show up to do the laundry folding, the file organization, the refilling of soap dispensers. The stuff that doesn’t really change the world but can really change our day. Show up and do that little stuff and the bigger stuff comes though. It gets done or as I’m folding socks an answer occurs to me. It’s just practical advice, when the problem seems too big, get small. Do the little things you know how to do and it will all come together. And even if it takes a hot minute for the answer to come, you will have mended socks, folded laundry, organized piles, and shredded documents – all of these small tasks accumulate to make a greater impact on the day, and your mood. Eventually those small steps become a Bernice moment, they clear the way so that you have more time, more ease, and less stress. Acceptance is a lot easier from that perspective. 

What do you do when you feel a conflict of faith? Or find yourself trying to control the outcome? Where do you find balance and grace?

Contentment: I’m on a Boat

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This past weekend we went on a boat ride with friends and swimming in a small lake near our home. The sun was setting, the light reflecting off of the water, the green trees in full bloom dancing in a gentle breeze as the heat of the day warmed our skin the cool of the water refreshed us. It was such a phenomenal gift to be in the water with my children, surrounded by dear friends, and just so happy. I fully indulged in the effervescent beauty of now. The honor and generosity that is bestowed up on us daily if we only look around to enjoy it. 

I even exercised Brenee Brown’s teachings and instead of stealing my own joy and envisioning some horrible outcome. I imagined and thought to myself, what if this day is perfect. What if we all have the best time of our lives, we laugh, eat well, drink, and have fun and then go home to get a good night’s rest. And that is exactly what happened.

The following morning my little angels slept in and I spent a few quiet moments with my partner before the day began. It was wonderful. The clouds were brilliant and stunning in their whiteness and elegance, floating above us in intricate and alluring patterns like lace in the breeze. I am still savoring the joy of yesterday. The quality time with friends; the peace, laughter, and serenity we shared. The joy of engaging with our friends and our children. The pleasure of laughing to the sky and filling my cup up with love, connection, contentment, and community. 

I am reminded that how we choose to spend our time is important – making the choice to live wholeheartedly, truly engaging with the people and places that surround me is an active decision. I make feeling those feelings, and doing those things my priority. And I work hard not to be weighed down by small or petty disappointments. I am grateful for all that I have choose to focus on that, not on what I don’t have or what has yet to come my way. We all have this option, the power to choose to focus on joy and gratitude and happiness exists for all of us. Rather than keeping score or records of what opportunities we have missed out on, we can choose to seek out new ways to bring ourselves joy. To explore new options for fun or things we might like to try. What a phenomenal gift this power of choice is for each of us. I hope you’re choosing joy too!

How are you choosing to be present in your own life? What gifts are you giving yourself today, this week, this month? How do you make a point not to steal your own joy and celebrate life in the moment?

Body Knows Best: Trusting What You Already Know

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Today I meditated for 40 minutes. This is not a humble brag and I’ll tell you right away, I did not intend to do it. I awoke as if from a nap and in a haze, scrambling to return emails and complete tasks. 

Here’s another thing I’ll tell you, that time was a gift and I needed it. I am a firm believer in our bodies being attune to what we need, most days more than our minds lead us to believe. My mind overrides the messages my body sends me all the time. 

Body: “I’m hungry.”

Mind: “It’s bedtime, I’m not going downstairs for snacks.”

Body: “I’m tired.”

Mind: “We’ll just read this next chapter.”

Body: “I need care and attention. I just want to stretch.”

Mind: Emailing.

The goals are always pure. Keep a schedule. Eat a variety of healthy proteins, vegetables, and fruits. Deep condition your hair once a week. Give yourself a facial or a hydrating mask. At the end a of a long week, take a relaxing bath. Use the cabinet full of elixirs, potions, and sweet smelling mixtures designed to tempt you to care for your whole self. Get enough sleep. Exercise and meditate daily. These are all such good intentions. 

The reality is that I hit maybe 50% of these on a given day. Great sleep, schedule is out the window. Exercise – must grab quick lunch, a clif bar will have to do until dinner. None of it is intentional and I often wonder what a luxury it would be to live an independently wealthy life where my personal interests, goals, and self-care agenda were my primary concerns. But until that happens I am here and now in my reality – which is insanely blessed and beautiful. 

Some days it’s just hard. And somedays I meditate for forty minutes and feel like a golden goddess for finally reaching this goal but also guilty for it interrupting the rest of my schedule. I’m deciding right now, to put a pin in the guilt. I’m just going to celebrate the fact that this is a milestone. A moment I did not honestly imagine myself getting too, especially because my meditation practice is sporadic at best. Who knew? Clearly my body did, it gave me the time, the focus, the energy that my mind denied requiring in order to push through to the next goal, the next accomplishment. Instead, this was my goal for the day and I didn’t even know it. Lucky me.